Ugh ... I really starting to have a tough time with the fact I'm 26 and still a virgin. The more I get out there, the more gay men I meet and become friends. The more theatre I do. The more its assumed by the age of 26 I should have had sex by now. There's a part of me that feels that I've waited this long, that its going to take a really important and special guy to come along for me to have sex with them. I was at a club on Saturday .... I started getting up on the table dancing, I had never done that before. I had totally let lose and got a lot of guys attention. Several came up and danced with me. Though we didn't give out numbers, it felt so good. I felt as if I passed another stage .... i've been out for five years and I feel its been a depressing and slow process. I still haven't came out officially to my parents .... I've been waiting for the "perfect" time ... so to speak, if there is a perfect time. I've learned to start putting on a front while I'm out and just be someone different. People like those who are fun and have no cares when you're just having fun. I am very conservative and "real" that I when I started to just strip myself of that this weekend, I discovered a new person. I can keep rambling on and on ... but you get the drift ... I don't know .. but I'm just feeling such a strain when it comes to my sexuality and not "practicing" it.
Hey there. You aren't totally comfortable with your orienation yet - or you would have come out to your parents. Figure out what's holding you back from doing that, and see if that's got anything to do wtih how you're feeling in general. You describe yourself as 'conservative' but I can't help but think that another word might be 'reserved' or even a little 'withdrawn'. You're holding a part of yourself back from others. Then you were out on the weekend and let it all out - dancing on a table - which also likely wasn't the 'real' you either. So if you're not really showing people the 'real' you at any point in time, you might be putting off a vibe that says you're not really available. Work on getting comfortable. Maybe that means coming out to your parents. Maybe that means having a real heart to heart with your friends over this in addition to us here on EC. Making yourself truly vulnerable with others. For good or for bad. Don't get worked up about being a virgin. (I know - easier said than done.) The more worked up you get, as you've said yourself, the bigger the deal is you're going to make of it, and the more uptight you'll keep getting. Take it from someone that was also a virgin til I was in my mid 20s. You'll catch up. And then I wasn't with a guy until I was in my mid 30s. And the first guy wasn't special at all. Does that mean that I ruined myself for my boyfriend? No. Not at all. But I wouldn't recommend having sex with just anyone to get it overwith either. That's not the way to go. Besides, it really isn't about the sex. It's about finding a companion. Someone you want to spend time with and do things with and do nothing with. The sex is icing on the cake. It adds to the relationship - it doesn't make the relationship. Not sure if that helped or not... You can PM me if you want to chat more one on one.
