I've been ...

Dude, I know all about that dark place. I am 40 years old and just now beginning the coming out process, it's tough. I wish I could give you sound advice, but I'm not sure I'm the one to give it. I will say this...stay on this site and talk to others here, a great group of people. Lastly, you may not realize it now, but education is very important. You are in school, finish...you will be so much happier later. (*hug*)

 

I can sympathize on the drinking issue. I went way over the top for 4 days in a row. Still feeling shit now. I need to break away from this cycle of stupidity soon.

 

I drink too much... but if you realise you are drinking too much, you've already taken the hardest step in cutting down.

I drink too much for my health but i don't let it get in the way of my life and whatnot. Ideally though, i should drink a little less... unfortunately it just goes hand in hand with my night time activities of a week. you CAN'T play snooker without drinking. you CAN'T sail without drinking afterward (or during, if the wind is crappy!). etc etc...

 

If you know you ae drinking too much, it's time to start to slow down. You don't have to quit, that may be unrealistic, but just cut down. Although you may miss your childhood and wish you could go back the simple fact is that you are an adult. Most people are not the same people they used to be. Our experiences change us and make us grow. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun.

You say there is no excitement in your life, well who's fault is that? When I graduated high school a teacher I have the upmost respect for told me something I whole heartedly believe in: life is what you make it. If something isn't going to way you want, change it, fix it, do whatever you need to do to change whatever you don't like. It's your life and you are the only one living it, therefore only you can change it. You may feel you are pointless, but you just haven't found the point yet. It's out there somewhere, but consuming yourself with self pity won't help you figure it out.

 

I never drink but I wanna get drunk one of these days. Lol just for one night, I wanna forget all my troubles. I hope to soon but haven't really had the opportunity. One of my sisters let's me have wine coolers sometimes when I go over but they never do anything. Too weak. =(

 

You've got about three or four issues all banging together in your post. Lemme just comment on a few aspects.

>>>Who thought life would be so difficult huh?

Life can be difficult, but life is handleable. So long as you attempt to handle it. And I dunno - I guess I always knew life would be tough, and it'd be up to me to handle it.

>>>Who thought growing up in a small town and than going to college I wouldn't be the same person i was growing up.

Again, I always assumed I'd change. Most adults aren't six-foot-tall seven-year-olds. That doesn't mean they're totally different, but adults aren't just taller children - they grow in other ways, too.

>>>I miss my childhood, it was much simpler than.

In a sense, it was. It had to be. What are you gonna do - give a six-year-old the sales reports and ask for an analysis? Have her write a treatise on the Cold War?

One of the best things about being a child is that you're usually allowed to have fun...and to have fun in whatever way you see fit. And - this is key - this doesn't end at adulthood. I know it seems like it does, but it doesn't. I still watch cartoons because I enjoy them. I don't care if others find it weird - most young kids don't care if parents think they're weird, either. So go find your own fun. Hint - it didn't involve alcohol as a child, and it probably won't now, either. If you want to put your arms up, jog down the street, and make airplane noises, do it.

>>>the real me doesn't work anymore.

My guess is that you don't KNOW the real you. You've let the childhood/teenhood one go, and haven't really put anything in its place. So go looking for the real you. What do you like? What brings you joy? What do you want to try?

Lex

 

This is what I was trying to get at in your last thread. You need to relax a bit and get comfortable with yourself.

But if you think you're drinking too much, then try stopping. If you can't stop, then you might have a more serious problem.

Not sure what else to suggest. I'll offer again though - PM me if you want to chat.