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Is my mom forcing me to come out ?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jack2009, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. Jack2009

    Jack2009 Guest

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    Today she said" don't you have a girlfriend, boyfriend. " Like it was common language, then I saw the logo channel on tv. Then I made up a story about a girl name Brianne.

    So I guess she's okay if I was gay, (I drop tons of hints throughout the year a by accendent).

    But i don't think her acceptance is my problem. It's more that I hate being gay because I feel less of a man.
     
  2. Darkwing65

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    Why does being gay make you feel like less of a man?
     
  3. paint

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    You know, when I first hit puberty...I hated the idea that I was possibly gay. But after a while it became VERY very obvious to me that it was a physical trait that had no influence on my set of morals or beliefs, or any pride that I had.
    In other words you are you, and unless major events have an impact, you will probably remain generally the same, or at least that's the usual for me.

    Also, welcome to EC :thumbsup:
    Paint (Justin)
     
  4. Jack2009

    Jack2009 Guest

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    ^ I've been here for a while lol

    DW, I guess it's feminine in a way to me and all the gay steriotypes, and just liking guys.
     
  5. HackmanWIU

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    Just like Jews are greedy, Mexicans are lazy, and Irish are drunks? See how silly stereotypes are, especially since you are in fact gay and well you're not prancing in a field in Austria?
     
  6. Shevanel

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    Silly is a damn understatement...
     
  7. HackmanWIU

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    Well I tried to be nice about it! :lol:
     
  8. ethelred

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    Well, its a long-standing conception of the whole deal. The way I see it, sexuality in western culture exists as a sort of binary division between a man's role and a woman's role. A logical extension of the role of sexuality in reproduction, really. So we tend to paint sexual things in terms of the perceived need of one person to be the "woman" and the other to be the "man." Since, for gay men, one man has to be the "woman," all gay men get associated with being "women." The value we place on being manly men is defined largely by not being women and being able to bed women. All the cultural baggage with sexism doesn't help the matter.

    So it is hard to get past it, especially if you are just a dude who happens to like guys. And no matter how many times we tell you most gay guys are just guys (and I am pretty sure EC has mentioned it to you numerous times the last few weeks), you have to work it out for yourself.

    Your sexuality has nothing to do with who you are...other than who you share your life/body with.
     
  9. epiphanies

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    "Dropping hints" is intentional. You may have slipped, but by saying that you were "dropping hints," that means that you meant to let them slip. Your mom has obviously picked up on these hints.

    I've noticed a lot of your posts on here, and all of them are about how uncomfortable you are being gay and how you don't want anyone to know. If you don't want her to know, she can't force you to tell her. You are the only one that can make you speak. But if you're going to drop hints, expect that people will eventually catch on.

    Also, being gay does not mean you are frilly, girly, etc. It means you like guys. Just be who you are and stop trying to stereotype people. It drives me nuts (in my own life) when people make assumptions because of a label.
     
  10. Jose Carioca

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    Being gay makes you less manly?

    Wait:
    Man + Woman = Man?
    Man + Man = Less of a man? no.. 2XManly!!!!
     
  11. BasketCase

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    We're not?

    Damn, that's all I had:eusa_doh:
     
  12. i need help

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    :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
     
  13. RaeofLite

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    Hell yes! Same with Woman + Woman= 2xWomanly!




    Your mom (from the way you've worded your post...) is trying to let you know she'd be ok with the idea if you were to come out to her sometime. It's times like that when you could likely drop it in and admit it. Then you'd feel a huge rush or relief come off your shoulders. Trust me.

    Compared to the mom who says: "I'm never having a faggot/dyke son/daughter. Oh... did you go out with that nice girl the other night?" -your mom seems pretty damn heavenly.


    I understand you say you're not ready, but honestly, being a gay guy doesn't make you less masculine. It's all about stereotypes and having to break stigma and "roles" our genders are assigned by a society that tells us we're wrong. It's possibly internalized homophobia we've learned growing up that tries to shut us down and (ultimately) try to make us feel less human which isn't fair at all. Not to you, me, anyone on EC or this planet.
    (*hug*)
    Things are starting to change now though for the LGBT... THANK GOD. Even 12 years ago things were so different (think of Elton John and Ellen's coming out issues).
     
  14. ethelred

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    Mmmm, manwich...

    What were we talking about again?
     
  15. s5m1

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    I understand you are struggling with being gay. You don’t like it and wish it were not so. You are hung up by society’s stereotypical views of what we are like and have embraced them, to some extent. If you could change your sexuality, you would. Here’s the problem - you can’t. As much as you would rather be straight, you aren’t. You were born this way and you are going to die this way. It is no different than your height or your eye color – you had no choice in the matter.

    There are things in life we can change, and there are things in life we can’t. This is one of those things you can’t change. At some point, you need to recognize this if you want to live a happy life.

    I went through the exact same thing as you. I felt everything that you are expressing about being gay. You are certainly not alone in this. I let it eat at me for decades, until I didn’t want to live anymore. Only then did I reach out for help and finally accept the inevitable. Since then, I have been happier than I ever thought I could be. You can be too.

    Your assumptions about what gay men are like, while understandable, are so far from reality. Most of the gay guys I know look and act no different than my straight friends. We like football, chicken wings and beer. We fish, hike, shoot, play pool, enforce our county’s laws and fight and die in the military.

    Your mom has clearly indicated that she loves you regardless. I am a parent and can tell you there is nothing my kids could say to me that would ever change how I feel about them. Talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel. You may be surprised just how good it feels to let it out. And, while it may seem unmanly, you should also ask her to make an appointment with a therapist for you. Talking through these issues with a trained professional will allow you to work through your feelings. I did it, and it was great.

    At some point, you need to decide what kind of life you want, a happy one or a sad one. Only you can make that decision. With the opening from your mom, maybe now is the time.
     
  16. Idunnohereitis

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    SHes onto you. admit it already :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: or it;ll be like.. WHAM she already guessed. that happens a lot i hear... hmm

    Good luck.

    and the man+man=2x more manly.. i did lol at that and the woman + woman thiing

    The less you hide from others the moe youll see yourself.
     
  17. Darkwing65

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    Ah, that's exactly it. Stereotypes. You have this pejorative vision of a flamboyant gay guy with a lisp and week wrists i take it? Do you fit this? I don't. I know quite a few gay guys who don't.

    What does it mean to be a man? Is it the cultural gender roll view of our age? I think not. To be a man is standing up for what is right. To be a man is to be HUMAN and to treat our fellow beings with respect.

    Being attracted, liking, loving another male doesn't you less of a man. Being true to yourself makes you more of man.

    My friend, in this life we are who we are. Nothing more, nothing less. Good Luck.
     
  18. Darkwing65

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    Exactly
     
  19. Brad

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    She may think you may be gay but is not sure. So she is trying to be supportive so that if you are you feel comfortable. She is doing the right thing however sometimes that can make you feel a bit awkward. I am sure she is not trying to push you into coming out and wouldn't want you to rush yourself.

    Don't worry about it. Wait until you come to grips with it yourself before you worry about telling other people.


    As for thinking being gay makes you less of a man i am not to sure what to say. Because you believe you are gay do you try to focus on anything that may make you appear even slightly feminine and then try to change it to appear more masculine? IF so don't worry about it. All of us, gay, straight etc. have feminine and masculine traits. Don't dwell on it. Thinking being gay will make you less of a man is just going to make you feel like less of a man. Hang around these forums. As you get to know some people you will realize how wrong some stereotypes are.