i feel weird at the moment, i dont know who i am, everyone else i know seems to have a grasp of the person they are, and when i talk to people i find im that diverse with lots of different thing, i cant answer a straight forward question such what music do you like? or what are your political beliefs? to different people i am different people, it frustrates me lots. I like lots of different rock music, i go to heavy metal clubs, punk clubs - both old school and new pop-punk, indie, i go out on the scene which i enjoy a lot, its all different one night im a metal head, one night im an indie kid, one night im gay - well at a gay club anyhows - im always gay. in the day, i am a student. i am a flatmate. some guy in the pub. i am a son, a brother, a relative. i am part time worker. i am a friend. i am a close friend. i am an aquintance. i am some weirdo. i am quite a 'cool' guy, whatever 'cool' is. i am the joker. i am the film geek. i the guy at the front at the gig, i am in the mosh pit or doing some crazy dancing, im the guy that stands towards the back at the gig with his arms folded but nevertheless enjoying the music, on different occasions of course. i shop at chain stores. i follow the crowd. i shop at independant shops and get alternative clothing. i am not religious, i am not an atheist, i am not agnostic. the rest of the world can talk shit all they want about religion, i'd rather abstain from all areas of the system thanks. politics is a difficult one. in the last elections i voted green part (environmental), mainly so it was an anti-BNP(nationalist) vote. however, i have always believed that i dont belong to the left or right or extremes or the middle. again removing myself from the system. i always thought that the only way for this to make sense was to be in a relationship. however, there are problems with this. my ex-boyfriend once said that people shouldnt have to have a guy on their arm to define them as a person. as it happens he was a dick, that didnt know what he was talking about, but this still sort of make rational sense to me, i just struggle with it a lot. also, whilst im single i remain in this weird feeling which can lead to depression. sorry for the long rant, i know ive missed lots out, but this highlights the problems i have.
It sort of sounds like you want to belong to a specific group or clique in the hope of finding out "who you are." However, that would actually result in "who you want to be" or "who you should be." Neither of those scenarios are necessarily better than your current one. Trying to fit into a specific group generally only places barriers on your thoughts and actions. You'll find yourself subconsciously starting to correct things in order to "fit in" with what is expected in each group. And I shouldn't need to explain that these sorts of limits aren't generally a good thing. You'll get to the place you want to be at eventually. Having a cause to rally around is what brings most people together, whether that cause is a religion (or lack of), a philosophy, an art, or a belief. So, my suggestion would be to examine each of these areas and see what you actually agree with or disagree with. For the longest time, I was benign to anything political or religious, and part of that was due to not wanting to offend either side by taking a specific stance. Over time, I realized that the people who have no opinion on an issue are simply walked over by those that do. That's when I started doing my own research on religion, politics, etc. until I figured out where I stand on most issues. And as you do research, you'll realize that there are other people that are in a similar position, so you don't feel so out of place. Hope that helped? lol :lol:
^ You ARE you, actually. I think the way you describe yourself is awesome! That's exactly how EVERYONE should be. But most people miss out on SO many things because they don't feel comfortable unless they conform to some kind of standard. Don't do that! You're at an age where it's quite natural for you to feel a little 'out of place'. You ARE at a point where you're making decisions about your life and where it is going. You're transitioning from being a child / young person to being an adult. Add to that the fact that you're gay, and you have a whole lot of stuff going on right now. My suggestion? Keep doing what you're doing. My sense is that you're not doing all these different things to necessarily make a statement or prove anything - you're just doing them becaues you like doing them. You're not taking extreme positions on religion or politics, which to me shows maturity beyond your years. THAT might be your only challenge in terms of 'fitting in' with your peer group - you're possibly more mature than they are. But that's not a bad thing. They'll catch up. Take this advice from where it's coming from: a left leaning, fiscally conservative, gay accountant. I'm a father, boyfriend, ex husband, son, grandson, nephew, employee and ex church treasurer. I like cars. I drive a completely impractical convertible and a very utilitarian Volvo station wagon. I like ABBA and Patsy Cline. I like classical as well as dance music. I'm a riddle wrapped in an enigma. (Well - probably not that.) And it's all cool with me. Just be cool with yourself.
I think you're trying to find a single word or phrase to sum yourself up, but the truth is we are all a combination of life experience, personality, and attitude. Stop looking for one thing to define yourself and just go with what you like. I can never say I like one type of music or band, and when people ask me to describe myself in one word I say: complicated. By any chance are you an Aries or a Monkey in the chinese zodiac?
many of those things sound a lot like me actually. even though i know that i should just "be myself" im still trying to fit in with a certain group of people, a certain scene, whatever, but i dont know which scene/group so then i get the feeling that i dont know where i belong which confuses me... very frustrating at times
