1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Lads

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by j1013, Nov 11, 2009.

  1. j1013

    j1013 Guest

    So...I'm at this party on Saturday night(flatmates 21st) and this guy was there who is a friend of a friend, well anyway I bump into in the toilets and we did the usual drunken "ALRIGHT!" anyway then out of nowhere he said,

    "I'm not homophobic, one of my mates are gay"

    So I am think to myself, why is he telling me this does he think I am gay, has someone told him this(usual paranoia of a semi closeted guy, right?) so I look at him and I said,

    "so what about you"

    We just kinda then look at each other for a good 5-10 secs and then move on to other things, and get back to the party.

    Later on we are kinda dancing together and he holds out his hands for mine and so were dancing for a bit with our hands intertwined(doesn't strike me as particularly straight), and so every so often throughout the night, I would brush my hands against his to hold hands again and when we weren't together I would give him a wink(pretty obvious flirting I reckon)

    The whole night pretty much plays out the same, dancing together, he even offers to get me a drink, which granted is something guys do, but it was also a vod/coke which is a bit fem.

    And then getting taxis home he is looking to get some with girls(so he is obviously straight)

    I checked his facebook page and he had that he was into woman, but then we all probably had that at some time. Anyway I added him and he accepted.

    Question is? Am I out of my mind to think he was kinda flirting back, I mean he must've thought I was gay to mention that he wasn't homophobic(my dancing is quite*very*womanly), and then when we he buy a drink for a gay guy and dance with them, and totally wasn't freaking out when I was flirting with him. And he accepted me on facebook, I mean he could've declined.

    So, Lastly I would like to ask, how to you tell if someone is interested, how do you figure out if some is gay when you aren't in a gay bar and they don't tell/ you don't ask?

    So any thoughts or suggestions on the matter would be greatly appreciated xxx
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're listing some positive signs, and some rather neutral ones. (A vod/coke isn't "a bit fem" - a pink lady or a grasshopper is a bit fem.) But there's no way of knowing unless you asked. Which you kinda did, but he didn't answer. So honestly, I wouldn't have compunction about asking again. Feel free to do it by e-mail or facebook (VIA MESSAGE! NOT ON HIS WALL!). "Hey, enjoyed hanging out with you Saturday! I picked up a bit of a flirty vibe from you, and just wanted to make sure I'm reading that right. If not, no worries - just wanted to be sure. :slight_smile:"

    Of course, some people would rather not do that. It ends the game. You can't do the giggly, OMG-he's-TOTALLY-looking-at-me-LIKE-THAT game which a lot of people like to do. So if you want it to continue, keep playing. But don't expect a 100% positive answer for awhile.

    Lex
     
  3. Starburst

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN, USA & Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.
    I am not quite experienced in the art of flirting. But that game sounds fun to me. :slight_smile:
    Anyways, back to business, I think a FB message according to Lex's advice is great. It depends mostly on your intention, your life circumstances, and your personal account of risks and benefits of playing the game.
     
  4. Brad

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2009
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia.
    Who drinks Vodka with Coke?

    Anyways.. I would be careful or you may end up getting your feelings hurt. Although you should never let that slow you down :slight_smile: Yes it sounds like he was definitely flirting with you. I know many guys that flirt with anyone whether male or female when they are drunk. So he still may be gay/bi/straight or even bi curious.

    As for how to tell when out clubbing etc. Well it really isn't easy as when drunk some people send signals they don't mean and people can misinterpret signals. So sometimes you just have to go with your gut and risk getting shot down if they are straight :s


    Don't think anyone will post a better suggestion than that.
     
    #4 Brad, Nov 13, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2009
  5. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    fyi, vody and coke is not a females drink!! that is one of my many drinks i like to have on a nite out or in.
     
  6. j1013

    j1013 Guest

    nah I mean if you were offering to by a bloke a drink as mates youd get him a pint...you know
     
  7. littledinosaurs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nouvelle-Angleterre.
    well i'd offer them aquardiente antiqueño... xD
     
    #7 littledinosaurs, Nov 15, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2009
  8. j1013

    j1013 Guest

    Anyway, If yall were interested I actually ended up going to his flat party, as I said Im friends with some of his friends, and I think this particular guy is defo straight :frowning2: dammit he was pretty good looking, plus side I did come out to my flatmate that night( it was pretty awkward on my part) and Im still use think I am....but he isnt bothered and apparently a few of the guys have already discussed it and none of them would be fussed. Im still bothers me that someone told tham, even though it hadnt been confirmed I still think they knew it was fact.