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Not me, but a friend of mine (No really)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kramer362, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. kramer362

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    This is honestly about a friend of mine... I just wanna know how to help him.

    I've known him since like 6th grade, he's always been kinda shy but made friends and made it through high school no problem. Following high school he dormed at college for not even one semester before he quit and went to live at home; his problem I believe is social anxiety and it was a shock to his system. The forced interaction in high school made him function, but now 5 years later, he is barely a functioning human being.

    Over this time he has made feeble attempts at contributing to society but he is in a cycle of depression and when he isnt depressed, it's when he has settled on his life being confined to his bedroom. I can tell his parents are at a loss for what to do. He has done therapy on and off, and medication always had major side effects but he has tried several. This past summer, he was starting a new one when his insurance company realized he wasn't in college, and now he no longer has health insurance to cover any of the expenses such as therapy or medication, etc.

    So he is a complete recluse. He doesn't drive, and now he barely eats and showers rarely. He doesn't want me to go over there because he doesn't want anyone seeing him the way he is. Basically I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to get him motivated?
     
  2. biisme

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    Is there anything in his life that he really cares about (excluding people)? Like, a certain sport or activity?

    Will he go places with you if you ask him to (presuming you get him to shower and dress)?

    You said he's tried therapy. Do his doctors not have any ideas for what to do?
     
  3. tylerzane69

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    i understand not having insurance, im in the same situation and i suffer from anxiety, there prolly isnt much you can do and i know its discouraging but he needs to try to bring himself to terms with what he has and needs to want to change it, if you want to go visit him and he says no, be sympathetic to what he wants but maybe just show up one day with some movies and popcorn and tell him you know he doesnt want company but he is your friend and you want to hang out with him, just dont be to pushy
     
  4. kramer362

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    Thanks for the input guys!

    I'm definitely sympathetic towards how he feels. I've never feared to leave my house necessarily but I have at times crippling bouts of anxiety and self-consciousness and an avoidant personality myself (College did a number on me as well). So the sad thing is I can relate to how he feels on many levels, yet I still can't help him. He has a stupid response to any actual advice people give, because as I myself have been there, I know when he's feeling down he wants to feel down, and dismiss any words of encouragement. So now all I tend to say is basically "you've been at a point where you had adjusted and functioned normally, so you can get there again, you just gotta want to help yourself."

    At times I'm able to get him out of his house. The last time was to go see District 9, so it wasn't that long ago. But I think it wore him out a lot because he NEVER goes in public. It was since that movie though that he consciously decided to not leave home. And I don't like seeing him so thin... I'm a thin guy, and at the same height he is 40 or so lbs less than me. And who knows how he'd react to me just popping in, he'd be annoyed and embarrassed because he wasn't showered, and his parents make me uncomfortable when I go there too, it could be because they resent him...

    Anyways, I guess for now I shall continue trying to encourage him to take small steps in trying to accomplish things and function like a human.