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Can someone just tell me!?!?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by speekerphone, Nov 15, 2009.

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  1. speekerphone

    speekerphone
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    Hi, New here. My story is a little unique so I'm going to try to tell you in the best way possible.

    First I'm 15 years old male. Puberty started like 2 or 3 years ago. I've thought guys were attractive ever since 5th or 6th grade but never thought anything of it. I thought it was normal. I would find myself daydreaming about hot emo guys. But, that phase ended and I got older.

    In 8th grade, I started thinking maybe I was gay. I started be sexually attracted to guys. I started watching gay porn. I know that doesn't make you gay, but my thoughts over whelmed me.

    I want a boyfriend. I want to love a guy and for a guy to love me.

    But, there's a problem. I've never had a crush on a guy. I may have once but I didn't realize it.

    The sort of "crush" and I got together when he threw me a surprise party. We were having so much fun, I just wanted to kiss him sooo badly. But...I didn't.

    But, then I fell in love with a girl. She wasn't the prettiest girl ever, but I loved her for what was on the inside. I knew I loved her and she broke my heart when she moved away. That's when I knew I wasn't gay.

    Now, freshmen in highschool, and wow, are things getting out of control. I'm been so stressed lately. I've been wanting a boyfriend more than ever now. I daydream about it and think about it all the time. I want to kiss a guy also just once, just to see how it feels.

    I feel like I could be bisexual, or pansexual. I love people for who they are. I guess I'm just open minded but I feel somethings wrong.

    I don't know what I am...I wish someone could tell you:help:
     
    #1 speekerphone, Nov 15, 2009
  2. biisme

    biisme
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    Hey there! Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    Well, from what you've described, I would go as far to say that you're probably not straight. But, as for what exactly your orientation is, I can't say. And, I would encourage you to try not to force a label on it, just for the saking of having one, if you're not sure. Some people don't even label it; they just identify as "queer", or say nothing at all. Sexuality is very fluid and can change from time to time, several times even, over the course of someone's life. Who you are attracted to today may not be who you're attracted to next year, next month, or even next week.

    You say you once had a crush on a guy, and once on a girl. Is there anyone right now that you're attracted to?

    Whoever you're attracted to, you'll find that you're quite welcome here. (*hug*)
     
    #2 biisme, Nov 15, 2009
  3. speekerphone

    speekerphone
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    I don't have a crush on a guy, but there is this really good looking guy in my grade. He's really hot
     
    #3 speekerphone, Nov 15, 2009
  4. ADTR fan

    ADTR fan Guest

    well you can be attracted to both. i mean, hey join the bisexual club. megan fox, angelina jolie and tila joined a while ago!! :grin: but all jokes aside, you may be confused, you may be bi, you may just have sexuality. labels are for soup cans no?
     
    #4 ADTR fan, Nov 15, 2009
  5. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    As biisme mentioned, sexuality is fluid, and it can take a while for us to realize that we might not be straight and also come to terms with our sexual orientation. During this time, the emotions and attractions can vary widely and can become overwhelming at time. But not to worry. It will pass with time. If you follow what feels right to you and take your time in figuring things out. it will turn out to be okay.

    You don't have to label yourself at this stage, or ever. Just go with what really feels right to you. If you feel attracted to someone, explore that attraction or these feelings.

    You have mentioned that you started high school. I think it would be a good idea if you would make an appointment with a counselor at your high school. Talking about your conflicting emotions and feelings out loud and with someone who you can trust and will keep everything you say confidential could really help you in figuring things out.

    Also, EC has also a number of resources that could help you in figuring things out under the Resource tab. Talk to some one the members here as well. Don't be shy to ask another member about his or her experiences with coming to terms with his or her sexuality.

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
    #5 Mirko, Nov 15, 2009
  6. speekerphone

    speekerphone
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    I guess I'll just figure it out. I'm 100% sure I'm not straight, but I don't know what...
     
    #6 speekerphone, Nov 15, 2009
  7. Shevanel

    Shevanel
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    That's alright (*hug*) give yourself time to think it over, like others before have already said, Sexuality is fluid, so it's going to be hard to truly catch it in your hands without it leaking all over the place :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I understand how you feel in wanting to know who and what you are, I was in the same spot, but give it time, patience, and thought. This site helped me tremendously in figuring out who I am, I hope it gets to help you too :slight_smile: Welcome to EC, Dude! :grin: (*hug*)
     
    #7 Shevanel, Nov 15, 2009
  8. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Well, if it's any consolation, I'm 39, and I don't know if I've ever had a "crush" on a guy, either. I did fall hard for a gay guy in college, made a play for him, and got rebuffed. Which, yes, sucked. I've been in two relationships since then (the most recent one is 11 years and counting), but with each, it wasn't a crush at first. Just two guys I met, I liked, I got to know, and eventually developed some feelings for.

    Lex
     
    #8 Lexington, Nov 15, 2009
  9. grapevine fires

    grapevine fires
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    You are what you are, hun. Don't rush to label yourself or you might wind up being stuck in a box that you can't get out of (metaphorically)... Don't worry about what you are, focus on who you are. That is what's more important.

    Love is love. It can't be controlled.
     
    #9 grapevine fires, Nov 15, 2009
  10. speekerphone

    speekerphone
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    I think I will be positive once I either kiss a guy or experiment
     
    #10 speekerphone, Nov 15, 2009
  11. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Don't expect a sudden flash of clarity. The guy you're kissing could end up being REALLY bad at it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #11 Lexington, Nov 15, 2009
  12. Gaetan

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    Or, you might not be certain afterwards.

    I honestly wouldn't worry about putting a label on yourself. Yes, it can be a comfort to be able to wear the sign around your neck--but it's not necessary.

    If you feel you want a boyfriend, get a boyfriend. And then if you find a girl you like, go with her. Don't let a label tie you down.
     
    #12 Gaetan, Nov 15, 2009
  13. Kevin42

    Kevin42 Guest

    If you knew that other guys were gay, could there be a chance you'd have a crush on them? I know I find alot of guys to be really hot, but I don't have crushes on them because I know they are straight. The only guys I have ever had a crush on were guys that I thought (or knew) were gay.
     
    #13 Kevin42, Nov 15, 2009
  14. SpinachWrap

    SpinachWrap
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    Exactly. Don't worry about what you are, or who you are or any of that silly identity stuff. Focus on how you feel, and act based on that.
     
    #14 SpinachWrap, Nov 15, 2009
  15. werekid

    werekid
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    first off welcome to EC you may find the type of person you like here in EC
     
    #15 werekid, Nov 16, 2009
  16. speekerphone

    speekerphone
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    Thanks for all the responses guys.

    So, what I'm going to do is think about it more, give it time, and try to get myself a boyfriend to try it out.

    One thing I want to add is that I kissed a girl last year. I didnt enjoy it one bit, in fact, i hated it. It was so gross i had to wash my mouth out...does this mean i could not want to kiss girls and be gay?
     
    #16 speekerphone, Nov 16, 2009
  17. Lexington

    Lexington
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    At the risk of redundancy...

    ...don't expect a sudden flash of clarity. The guy/girl you're kissing could end up being REALLY bad at it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #17 Lexington, Nov 16, 2009
  18. Confusicus

    Confusicus Guest

    Or just need some mouthwash!
     
    #18 Confusicus, Nov 17, 2009
  19. Schu

    Schu
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    Yeah, no offense to my own gender here, but girls are generally at least not terrible at kissing, and I've found guys are about 1:1 ratio of terrible:quite good, so it is very hit and miss. Of course, that's just my own tastes.

    Like everyone's been saying, no need to label. Queer is a good term for it though, if you need to explain to someone. Indicates that you're not 100% straight, but not what direction other than straight you have taken. Also it's a fun word :slight_smile:
     
    #19 Schu, Nov 17, 2009
  20. Lexington

    Lexington
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    >>>Queer is a good term for it though, if you need to explain to someone. Indicates that you're not 100% straight, but not what direction other than straight you have taken. Also it's a fun word.

    I like both "heteroflexible" and "heterosexually challenged". :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #20 Lexington, Nov 17, 2009
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