He has a boyfriend... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

worldofshrimps · 16th Nov 2009, 02:01 PM

Okay....this is a bit strange and the person is on this forum so...this may be embarrassing....but! I started talking to this guy a few days ago and we really clicked and we never run out of things to talk about. He's a really nice guy and then he tells me he has a boyfriend...don't really know what advice you could give but any suggestions?

Just Adam · 16th Nov 2009, 02:42 PM

all i can think of is to jsut be happy with him be glad you have a friend and i hope you meet a nice guy

Greggers · 16th Nov 2009, 02:45 PM

"Advice"?

...

He has a boyfriend. Thats an instant "Off Limits". You can be, like Adam said, happy for him. You can stay friends with him if thats possible for you, or stop communication if you think your too infatuated. You really dont have any other options though, cause what are you going to do, try and break him up? Hit on him anyways? Nothing good can come of seeking ways to get with a guy who has a boyfriend. Just be happy for him.

(I mean, i guess you could "wait it out" and see if they break up heh...)

**Jim1454** · 16th Nov 2009, 02:47 PM

People can be nice without necessarily wanting to have a relationship with you. Perhaps here on EC we're just more friendly than the average person you'd meet on the street.

And the fact that he has a boyfriend even though the two of you have lots in common and seem to get along really well just means that someone else got to him first.

As already mentioned, just be glad to have a good friend. Maybe one day soon you'll want to talk to them about this awesome guy you met and who you hope will be your own boyfriend.

Schu · 16th Nov 2009, 03:25 PM

What not to do:

1. Don't be friends with him only to hold out hope that they will break up and you will get to pick up the pieces, that's an incredibly unhealthy friendship right there.

2. I've let someone cheat on their significant other with me once and once only, and that was one time too many. It makes you feel like shit, and nothing good ever comes out of it. Don't sleep with someone without the consent of everyone that needs to give permission. If you guys do stoke up something romantic, don't pursue it unless and until they break up, and preferably a little later than that too.

What to do:

If you can deal with being a friend with someone you seem to be developing feelings for and can ignore the feelings for both of your sakes, be his friend. If you can't, explain to him, try to take it down a notch or three. If that doesn't work, don't be friends.

Just Adam · 16th Nov 2009, 03:25 PM

all great advice...and i think maybe Ec is nicer than the usual lgbt perosn on teh street...

or teh ones ive met lol

worldofshrimps · 17th Nov 2009, 05:58 AM

Thanks guys...yeah I kind of thought about all of this and it makes sense...it just sucks.

**Lexington** · 17th Nov 2009, 06:03 AM

Yeah, it kinda sucks. If you need to, put some distance between you two for a bit so you can get your head back in the right spot.

Lex

silas99 · 17th Nov 2009, 06:05 AM

well firstly one big huge hug for you

okay one more just for luck

I cant say anything more than what other people have said already. Chin up duck, there is someone out there for you and he's just waiting for you to meet him.

malachite · 17th Nov 2009, 01:13 PM

ARGH! I had the same thing happen to me about a month ago. I know that gut wrenching feeling of seeing someone you really like with another person.

The bad news is there is no cure for a broken heart, it has to heal on its own. The good news is that it won't hurt forever, and you'll find someone someday.

oh one more thing:

17th Nov 2009, 01:28 PM

Awwww.

It will be okay. And yes, everyone has given great advice. Boyfriend does mean off limits, and if you think just being friends will be too hard give yourself some space

Black Cat · 17th Nov 2009, 02:26 PM

It happens to me all the time. Most of the advice I was going to offer has been given above. About all I can add is just give it time to pass. It's not easy, but it will go away if you just keep telling yourself to get over it.

16th Nov 2009, 02:01 PM	#1
worldofshrimps Jellybean Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Luuurvin' the guys =] Out Status: Everyyyyone I know knows =] Location: Town in Scottish Borders you've not heard of Age: 20 Posts: 62 Join Date: Nov 2009	He has a boyfriend... Okay....this is a bit strange and the person is on this forum so...this may be embarrassing....but! I started talking to this guy a few days ago and we really clicked and we never run out of things to talk about. He's a really nice guy and then he tells me he has a boyfriend...don't really know what advice you could give but any suggestions? __________________ We can't both become the same pawn that's made to fall, Oil that tastes like blood stole the summer scent from me, To you, you're stabbing me through you, you're stabbing you through him And getting most of this world

16th Nov 2009, 02:42 PM	#2
Just Adam <3 Oscar Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Anyone with an open mind Location: My AV room Age: 24 Posts: 6,079 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... all i can think of is to jsut be happy with him be glad you have a friend and i hope you meet a nice guy __________________ Ninja Kick The Damn Rabbit !

16th Nov 2009, 02:45 PM	#3
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 3,527 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: He has a boyfriend... "Advice"? ... He has a boyfriend. Thats an instant "Off Limits". You can be, like Adam said, happy for him. You can stay friends with him if thats possible for you, or stop communication if you think your too infatuated. You really dont have any other options though, cause what are you going to do, try and break him up? Hit on him anyways? Nothing good can come of seeking ways to get with a guy who has a boyfriend. Just be happy for him. (I mean, i guess you could "wait it out" and see if they break up heh...) __________________ "It's a male duck."

16th Nov 2009, 02:47 PM	#4
Jim1454 EC 'Dad' EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 42 Posts: 7,976 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: He has a boyfriend... People can be nice without necessarily wanting to have a relationship with you. Perhaps here on EC we're just more friendly than the average person you'd meet on the street. And the fact that he has a boyfriend even though the two of you have lots in common and seem to get along really well just means that someone else got to him first. As already mentioned, just be glad to have a good friend. Maybe one day soon you'll want to talk to them about this awesome guy you met and who you hope will be your own boyfriend. __________________ Jim "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

16th Nov 2009, 03:25 PM	#5
Schu Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to whoever I can be bothered telling Location: Adelaide, Australia Age: 27 Posts: 105 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... What not to do: 1. Don't be friends with him only to hold out hope that they will break up and you will get to pick up the pieces, that's an incredibly unhealthy friendship right there. 2. I've let someone cheat on their significant other with me once and once only, and that was one time too many. It makes you feel like shit, and nothing good ever comes out of it. Don't sleep with someone without the consent of everyone that needs to give permission. If you guys do stoke up something romantic, don't pursue it unless and until they break up, and preferably a little later than that too. What to do: If you can deal with being a friend with someone you seem to be developing feelings for and can ignore the feelings for both of your sakes, be his friend. If you can't, explain to him, try to take it down a notch or three. If that doesn't work, don't be friends.

16th Nov 2009, 03:25 PM	#6
Just Adam <3 Oscar Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Anyone with an open mind Location: My AV room Age: 24 Posts: 6,079 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... all great advice...and i think maybe Ec is nicer than the usual lgbt perosn on teh street... or teh ones ive met lol __________________ Ninja Kick The Damn Rabbit !

17th Nov 2009, 05:58 AM	#7
worldofshrimps Jellybean Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Luuurvin' the guys =] Out Status: Everyyyyone I know knows =] Location: Town in Scottish Borders you've not heard of Age: 20 Posts: 62 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... Thanks guys...yeah I kind of thought about all of this and it makes sense...it just sucks. __________________ We can't both become the same pawn that's made to fall, Oil that tastes like blood stole the summer scent from me, To you, you're stabbing me through you, you're stabbing you through him And getting most of this world

17th Nov 2009, 06:03 AM	#8
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 43 Posts: 13,958 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: He has a boyfriend... Yeah, it kinda sucks. If you need to, put some distance between you two for a bit so you can get your head back in the right spot. Lex

17th Nov 2009, 06:05 AM	#9
silas99 Nic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girl fancier Out Status: Not so much having tea with Aslan anymore! Location: In my own world....Wales! Age: 27 Posts: 538 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: He has a boyfriend... well firstly one big huge hug for you okay one more just for luck I cant say anything more than what other people have said already. Chin up duck, there is someone out there for you and he's just waiting for you to meet him. __________________ "When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty."

17th Nov 2009, 01:13 PM	#10
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 7,156 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... ARGH! I had the same thing happen to me about a month ago. I know that gut wrenching feeling of seeing someone you really like with another person. The bad news is there is no cure for a broken heart, it has to heal on its own. The good news is that it won't hurt forever, and you'll find someone someday. oh one more thing: __________________ 4 out 5 divorcees agree that marriage is a sacred union.

17th Nov 2009, 01:28 PM	#11
71390S Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: He has a boyfriend... Awwww. It will be okay. And yes, everyone has given great advice. Boyfriend does mean off limits, and if you think just being friends will be too hard give yourself some space

17th Nov 2009, 02:26 PM	#12
Black Cat Ever The Consummate Gentleman... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania Age: 22 Posts: 2,984 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: He has a boyfriend... It happens to me all the time. Most of the advice I was going to offer has been given above. About all I can add is just give it time to pass. It's not easy, but it will go away if you just keep telling yourself to get over it. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

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