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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 16th Nov 2009, 03:19 PM   #1
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Default I think my friend is gay?

So, I've known this friend for many years like 8 years and what I've noticed was that he's never, ever mentioned a girl.

When I ask him if he likes anyone, he doesn't answer and changes the subject.

He's never expressed any interest in girls, not even saying that one is hot.

He also, whenever I say something about guys, he says, "I"M not gay!" and gets all mad.

I think he's gay, should I ask him?
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Old 16th Nov 2009, 03:21 PM   #2
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

I'd be careful with that one...he's obviously touchy about the subject if he reacts like that. There's a chance that he is, there's the same chance that he's not. Let him tell you in his own time if he is, or even wait until he asks you something about it and then slip it in somehow (not an innuendo, sorry...didn't know how else to put it)...that's about all I got on this hun :/ Sorryy
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Old 16th Nov 2009, 03:25 PM   #3
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

Hahaha, I believe I was your friend when I was in high school. =P He probably does have feelings for other men, he may not even realize that's why he's so defensive about it or that he's being more defensive than most people are... I did the exact same thing, my parents used to ask me about girls and then get no real response or i'd say something like "I dont see the point of a relationship, it's too much hassle" or something like that. Don't push him to come out to you if he is gay, the only thing you can do is assure him that you'll accept him no matter what and be his friend. I know it's obvious that you are okay with him if he is gay, but it's hard still. You just have to give your friend some time to come to terms with it.
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Old 16th Nov 2009, 03:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

He's most likely in denial; like the others have said.
Some people are that way despite trying to kid themselves otherwise, they do feel feelings for the same sex. This can be rather scary for people who want to believe that they're straight.

Give him time and just be supportive with him.
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Old 16th Nov 2009, 07:15 PM   #5
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

Does he know you're gay?
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Old 16th Nov 2009, 07:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

No, he does not
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Old 17th Nov 2009, 02:40 AM   #7
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

if he is gay or bi or a little curious, he might have just found these new feelings and be very negative about them.

you'll just have to see how he reacts when he finds out about you (which, judging from your other post about the rumors, could be soon)
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Old 17th Nov 2009, 07:10 AM   #8
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Default Re: I think my friend is gay?

I haven't read the other post about "rumors", but if I can read between the lines, there might be rumors of your possible gayness in the wind. If so, that may put your friend in a confusing spot. "I should be a good friend and stick with him, but other people might think I'M gay for sticking by him." And that'd be true whatever his orientation.

When a guy says "I'm not gay", he either isn't gay, or is so uncomfortable with being gay that he can't admit it to himself. In neither case is asking about his sexuality going to help him any. My thought - you've got enough on your own plate without bothering with his. Work on your own sexuality first. Once you show yourself out and secure, IF he's gay, then he can see it's possible.

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