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If they know, what is the deal???

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ScottieBB, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. ScottieBB

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    It is late at night here and I am going crazy! I really want to tell my best friend that I am gay but there never seems to be a good time to tell her. I will be all pumped up and ready to tell her and then when I am actually talking to her I chicken out. Last night before bed I said I am going to tell her tomorrow like it was no big deal and then when I got to talk to her today NOTHING! The saddest part is I think everyone around me all of my friends, and even most of my family know that I am gay but none of them will say anything, they all just play along like I am straight. I am sick of not being able to be myself but I am too much of a coward to tell people who I really am. If they all know why hasn't ANY of them said anything. One time I had the perfect chance to tell her when she asked me to tell her something she does not know about me and I completely lied and said I had nothing. What do you all think? and why do you think they don't say anything, and why am I too afraid to. Any advice, suggestions, comments would be appreciated.
     
  2. revolutionrock

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    The only thing I can say is the most awkward part is bringing it up, but once you've done it it's done! If you need to, create an opening for yourself. "Listen, you're a really good friend and I feel like you should know that I'm gay." You just have to get it out there. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Owl47

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    Some people
    Well, in a way, some of them may be continually living in denial. Even if you were to come out, some of them may not see it as truth right away, it may take a while. Eventually, however, most people come to their senses. It really starts with you. You're the only one who can change what people think, even if it's a a snails pace.

    On the other hand, you're coming out may receive a "I knew, but I didn't know whether you wanted it to be that way" type of reaction.

    Overall, the pros outweigh the cons. It's hard, BELIEVE ME, it's hard to come out. It took five hours from the time I said "I have something to tell you" to the time I said "I'm gay".

    Sum up the courage, and when you feel ready, do it. You're not alone, even if your world seems like it could collapse. You're never alone, and I'm not talking about EC. . .
     
  4. Lexington

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    If you're waiting for the perfect time, I'll tell you now - the perfect time never comes. And if, by some random chance, it DOES come (when your friend said "Tell me something I don't know about you"), we're never "ready" for it, and we let it go.

    Don't worry about "the perfect time". Anytime is the perfect time (except, say, during her wedding ceremony). If you can't tell her, write it out and hand it to her.

    Lex
     
  5. BasketCase

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    I went through a period of blaming other people for not knowing, or admitting to knowing, that I am gay.

    I've come to realise its only me that can change things and that I have to have the balls to do it.
     
  6. RaeofLite

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    If she asked you to "tell her something she doesn't already know" she might have guessed you're not straight-at least queer. So she might be ok with it. I had a friend like that. She later told me she guessed that. :slight_smile:

    If she's as good of a friend as you describe, she should stick around. If she's not a friend, she'll leave, or you may need to educate her (that it's not a choice and yadda yadda). Good luck.
     
  7. SpinachWrap

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    They might not be saying anything out of respect for you. If they think you are still working through these issues, and are still in the self-discovery phase of coming out, then it would be rude for them to spring the conversation on you when you're not ready. They are thinking of you, and are being very patient with you. Someone on here made a great suggestion for coming out. Just pretend that they already know. Start being yourself, and not hiding it. It might be a bit awkward at first, but it will be less awkward than the anticlimactic coming out speech.
     
  8. ScottieBB

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    Thank you all for your messages. You have given me a lot to think about. I feel a little less scared now than I was before and some of you have really opened my eyes.