perhaps this whole traditional mantra I have for myself of waiting until I find a relationship isn't working anymore. Maybe I'll just start randomly hooking up. Sound like a great idea? I'm 26 ... its driving me crazy and I don't understand why I can't find one decent guy where I live. How hard is that?
I personally don't think that random hook ups are a good idea. That is not really a good way to find a relationship, because the other party is usually looking for nothing more than sex. Although, this is something that you can really only answer for yourself. If all you want is random sex with strangers than that is what you will probably do, but if you want a meaningful relationship, then you might trying alternatives. Such as Chemistry.com, Yahoo Personals, etc...
Some of my friends have had decent success with #######! It's totally free, I believe. And, yeah, the dating pool for queer folk is annoyingly small. Not as many people are LGBT as not, and then you have to take into account how many of them are closeted. I honestly wish I had any sort of advice for finding someone, because I've yet to do so myself. -.- But, uh, random hookups don't sound like a great idea. I mean, so long as you are safe about it, I think you should totally do whatever you like! But if having a relationship first is important to you, I don't think it's something you should give up because you're frustrated. That sounds like it would lead to some regrets. =/
Gotta say that I've tried random hookups and went through three guys in two months. two were called off right away, but one guy i actually thought i might start something with. but it turned out all he was in it for was for the sex. had to break it off, and i still wonder if i did the right thing. it really screws you up, dude. I think, though, one of the big reasons that people don't find someone is that, for me at least, they look for the wrong reasons. don't look for a bf or whatever. look for a friend. its like making a pen-pal. talk, become friends, hang out, especially with your other friends. then, after you know each other, trust each other, and all that, see what happens. the hard part is holding back. It's a lot like eating an almond joy. Try making the filling last as long as possible so you can enjoy the almond at the center. But I'm just messing with ya! I really have no idea what I'm talking about (except about the random hookups, I HAVE been there and they ARE NOT a good idea.) Good Luck, bro!
Have you tried a dating site? Not a hook-up site, but a "gay male seek same for friendship, possibly more" sort of site? >>>Gotta say that I've tried random hookups and went through three guys in two months. In PROVO? OK, I officially don't want anybody saying "there's no one gay here" ever again. Lex
####### is good, and has a higher proportion of gay/bi people than average. It's free and fun and sorta nerdy.
What exaclty ARE you doing to find a decent guy? How have you actively improved the likelyhood of you meeting someone who you are compatible with? Join a gym or go to 'the Y' to exercise. Go to the art gallery or museum Hang out at the park Join a running (cycling, swimming, walking, skiing) club or group Join a book club Take a night school course for fun (cooking, woodworking, computer skills) Volunteer at a hospital / foodbank / animal shelter Obviously, only do the things that are of interest to you. Because you'll meet people who have a similar interest. If any can be specifically for LGBT - bonus. In Toronto there's a group called 'Out and Out' that organizes a whole range of activities for the LGBT community. Then, when you're there, you need to make yourself approachable and / or you need to approach other people. Smile. Say hello. Ask them a question about something. Introduce yourself. Go out on a limb so to speak. What's the worst that can happen? I think a personal ad can work as well. I put one on craigslist 2.5 years ago. I felt lost and alone and wondered if there were any other 'gay dads' in the Toronto area that wanted to talk. I got at least half a dozen sincere and decent responses. One of the guys I'm still friends with today. Be clear and be sincere with what you're looking for and what you offer to the other person, and you might be amazed at who responds. If it's just sex that you're after, you can get that without much problem at all. But I get a sense that you want more than that really. So you can try that on for size, but I expect you'll find that even more depressing than being alone.
I think the traditional mantra can be actually an OK thing though it must be maddening when you aren't finding anyone. Jim's suggestions are excellent, I would also add looking for an LGBT center (they exist almost everywhere!). The thing you'll find in doing hookups is that for the most part they aren't very fulfilling. Many people find that without the emotional connection, hookups cna be even less fulfilling than masturbation, but I think that's open to interpretation. So working on finding someone you have a connection with, and developing that into a relationship, is worthwhile, and will give you a much better feel of what good sex is like than having random hookups.
