hes homophobic. AND racist. its embarassing that he is so ignorant. i just spent a few days with him and he made me cringe so much. but he is a really nice guy and cares for me and loves me... so how will i EVER come out to him!? ive just been putting it off. maybe ill never tell him? i feel like im losing contact with him and i have nothing in common with him. he is also strongly heterosexual. he asks me, almost every time i visit, 'have you got a girlfriend yet?' I just say, 'no, not yet.' then he tells me these horrible 'poofter' jokes, which he finds just so funny. one of them was about how all gay guys go to hell, and another implied that gays only care about their dicks and arses. he also talks about the 'towelheads' and 'mussies' the other day at his work in a factory, he found a straight porn mag and chucked it to me. 'Here you go.' AWWWWWWKKKKWARRRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and thinking back to some other experiences..... once he caught me in a newsagents with some mates looking at the pornos, as you do when you are young and curious. he said to me that he wasnt upset at all. he said he was glad to see i had developed a 'healthy interest!' and once he was talking to a teacher who told him he was gay. the conversation ended quickly after that. he was telling his girlfriend after, 'i don't know how that bloke expects his students to respect him when hes a fucking poofter himself. Creep!' She strongly agreed. damn how do i respond in these situations!!? i feel like i shouldnt argue because hes so strongly opposed to gays that he will get angry at me and even suspect that i am.... *sigh*
So sorry to hear... This sounds like he would verbally abuse homosexuals (and other races) but you haven't mentioned any physical harassment. But still, I wouldn't subject myself to that kind of possible reaction from my father even if he isn't going to hurt you physically - coming out to him might already take a toll on you. I would just try to get away with not telling him as long as possible if I don't feel the real need to come out to him like some people do. Goodluck with your situation
He is definately going to be one of the last people you come out to. Please take that advice... You need support before you come out to the least positive people. Therefore, start coming out to great friends who have open minded, healthy attitudes. Maybe bring up gay celebs and topics and see how they react. That's usually a good indicator. ... And yes, I know it hurts so much. I have a seriously homophobic parent of my own even though I'm out. *hugs*
That sucks (*hug*) Do you ever call him out on his attitudes? He needs to know that it makes you cringe. I think before directly coming out to him--whenever that may be--you should start setting the stage that you do NOT think like him, you respect people and their differences. Maybe not starting with the homophobic stuff at first, but maybe the racist stuff. Maybe I'm more confrontational, but I just think it's real important to establish with friends and family that statements like that are not acceptable. Or maybe 'gauge' his love for you. Say something like "would you still love me if I was to become muslim" or "bring home an asian girl". Who knows, you could then get the conversation to bringing home a boy.
I think the best idea would be to come out to him when you're away from home and fully independent, and possibly when you're in a long term relationship. Unfortunately, coming out to him now would probably be counter-productive.
hah true. well, he is the last. im out to everyone else. and i dont live with him which is a good thing. i guess ill just continue to cringe when he says stuff. ill wait for a few more years yet, maybe when im in a serious relationship i probably should tell. whenever that might happen lol
