So, I have two very close friends, who, I am quite sure have no idea about my sexuality. I know one will completely accept me (if not I will be shocked beyond beleif), but the other, (whom I have been best friends with for 8 years) I am not sure of. I know he will say he accepts me and will outwardly and will stay my friend, but I feel he will not actually accept me within and a lot will change between the three of us. I also fear for this friend's self confidence. He has been suffering from depression and I know if his best friend of eight years ended up being gay, it would kill him. I feel I am not ready to tell them because I don't want things to change between the three of us, and I am worried for him. However, I have begun seeing someone frequently and have not been hanigng out with these two friends nearly as much as I had before these past few weeks. Only have seen the one twice in two weeks. They have yet to pry at where I have been, but I know it will only be in time. I do not know what I will say if they do find out and I would much rather them find out from me personally than them hearing from someone else or from seeing me. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I should be comfortable with myself, but I am terrified he will not accept me (especially if he pretends to but does not and it hurts him in the end) and do not quite feel ready. but I hate lying to them about what I have been up to. Thankful for any advice in this thanksgiving season!!! Nawy56
Honestly? Id come out to them. You think the one will accept you, and from the sounds of it you could really really use some accepting right now. It would give you a metaphorical crutch to lean on, so you dont need to keep all your struggles and secrets to yourself. That will make things much easier. As for your other friend, you just described mine too. I had a smiler sounding situation. One friend i knew would accept me, one friend i knew would on the outside but not fully on the inside. We were a trio. Best friends. The three of us. This is how it played out for me... I came out to friend A first. She was SO amazing, and since has become my most trused friend off the computer. Amazing girl. Love her to death. Wish i was straight for her and only her. We grew tenfold since i came out. I then came out to friend B. Like i thought, she was stunned but *said* she o-k with it, but also said she might need time to adjust. She took her sweet time, but she came around. I only wished i came out to her sooner so she could have got over the adjusting time sooner, know what i mean? Well, friend B and me are farther apart, but still friends, and friend A and me and closer than ever. IT was not how i planned, but it all worked out for the best. So this is my suggestion, come out to your friend who will most likely accept you first. If not just for yourself, be selfish for once. Everyone needs a strong support group, and its important to start building yours ASAP. Then when your ready, with the support of your friend tell your other friend. Give her as much time as she needs to come around. It will only start getting better once you tell her, remember that. Delaying it longer will not make your friendship any better. Being afraid of loosing someone so much that you mask yourself around them is pointless, because your not even hanging on to them if they dont even know you. Thats my advice. You dont have to use it, but it worked for me, and i was just as scarred as you were (*hug*) Good luck! Im confidant it will turn out well.
Well... I think you answered your own question: I reckon you should tell them. You can't sacrifice a shot at happinness because your friend might be upset. He, as your friend of 8 years, should be happy for you and for your trust. You may need to balance the time spent between the two groups a bit more evenly, but otherwise I'm sure it'll be fine. In the moments where you aren't there for him (the struggler), your other friend will be with him to help him. You must also remember to tell them it is private and to keep it between them, and also be ready for questions. Good luck This is an exciting time for you! Try and enjoy it.
Hi there and welcome to EC! I know you didn't mean this literally - but it's still an extreme outlook. This is about you - not your friend. They'll come to accept you, or they'll move on and get another friend. If they're struggling right now, lets hope they recognize that you are still the same great person you have always been, and your orientation shouldn't change anything.
