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An Interesting and Confusing Situation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Revan, Nov 23, 2009.

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  1. Revan

    Revan
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    So on Thursday I went and spoke at a school GSA about my experience in coming out. While there I met several wonderful students, and then there was this one guy...name withheld, where it was like...I don't know how to explain it and I could be reading into it too much, but I mean even shaking his hand it actually felt like...I just don't know. It's like a feeling I haven't really felt before...but the thing is apparently he felt some weird connection too. Now I told him it was more like oh he'll know my experience, but I don't know maybe even he knows it was like a weird feeling that you generally don't get. I mean I've met MANY gay guys (not sexually before any of you pervs think it :wink:) but I've never gotten that weird feeling aside from JUST "oh he's cute". But the biggest problem I'm having here is it's a social issue. He's 16 and here in Canada, anal sex is 18+ for legality...now I mean obviously if we don't have sex for two years then it'll be okay, but I mean...we're both guys. So it's just like what do I do here, I get along with adults great so I have a feeling his parents might not mind if we do wind up dating, but it's still like the general public....

    Any ideas people? And please more substantial thoughts than "DON'T DO IT! HE'S A KID". Though if you saw the way this kid writes, talks, thinks, you'd think he were 30....a mature 30 I mean lol.
     
    #1 Revan, Nov 23, 2009
  2. TroubledRyan

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    Sorry,but,i gess you like mature guys.But!i beleave you should really go with your heart instenkt,i go with what my heart says,and if your heart tells you,no opposes,and obsesses you over it,and they have the same feeling,i beleave that it is a good sign
     
    #2 TroubledRyan, Nov 23, 2009
  3. Ralivar

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    Feelings don't have an age restriction, I think that there is someting taboo about a bigger age gap within a couple. In terms of how it may appear to the public, (I know this is quite a cliche) if you are happy in a relationship despite the age gap that it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

    In terms of the legal age, I think that it is stupid to break any law, and no matter how mature he is or seems to be there are reasons why there is a legal age for sex. Although in saying that every situation is different.
     
    #3 Ralivar, Nov 23, 2009
  4. Revan

    Revan
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    And the fact, I myself can totally handle not having sex until A: he's ready or B: he's legal. I've done it before, I can do it again.

    Also I'd really love Becky's idea, if she sees this. That or I'll PM her.
     
    #4 Revan, Nov 23, 2009
  5. Lexington

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    >>>And the fact, I myself can totally handle not having sex until A: he's ready or B: he's legal. I've done it before, I can do it again.

    OK.

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Nov 23, 2009
  6. Jim1454

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    I don't see it as a huge deal.

    But at the same time, I'm not convinced that you've given gay guys that are closer to your own age a chance. Because while it might not be really scandalous, it isn't ideal either to be 5 years older than your boyfriend when he's 16 and you're 21. There really IS a big difference in terms of what stage of life you're at.

    Have you been to many GSA meetings at university? Joined any LGBT clubs or social groups? Maybe you need to shake a few more hands...
     
    #6 Jim1454, Nov 23, 2009
  7. Revan

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    I actually frankly HAVE given them a chance....it's never worked, like 95% of the gay guys in this city who is 20 and above think I'm a freak because of how I act. None of them can understand my autism so instead they think I'm completely psychotic, my gay roommate included. I'm not saying resorting to high schoolers is the only way, but seriously at least I feel some weird connection with this guy....
     
    #7 Revan, Nov 23, 2009
  8. Chip

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    I would suggest you cautiously proceed with a friendship, and see where it leads. Keep in mind that at 16, he may be more hormone driven and less willing to wait than you are, so you may be in a position of having to hold back.

    It is possible that you are developmentally in a similar place to him, but 5 years is a pretty big gap at his age; there's a big difference between 16 and 21, and 21 and 26, for example. So he still has a tremendous amount of emotional growth and development to go through that you've already done.

    I would also add that having any sort of sexual activity with him, even if he's agreeable and encourages it, is somewhat risky. If things end badly and he decides he wants to cause problems, he could very easily get you into a heap of trouble with the law. So that isn't a risk I'd advise taking, but it's of course your choice to determine if it's one you'd be willing to take... just try to be logical and think with your head and not with your dick if it comes time to make that decision, because love and hormones have a tendency to cause people to lose all rational thinking and do things they might not otherwise consider. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Chip, Nov 23, 2009
  9. Revan

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    Always do (think with my head) :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Revan, Nov 23, 2009
  10. beckyg

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    Hi Revan,

    Funny, I dated a 21 year old when I was 16. My Dad threw a fit! lol

    You seem like a mature guy to me and one that could handle dating this guy without having sex. I'd take it really slow and see how things go. I do know what having an amazing connection with someone is all about and to deny it makes you crazy. If you are meant to be together, then you can wait for the sex. Good luck!
     
    #10 beckyg, Nov 23, 2009
  11. Revan

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    Thanks Becky! And what do other people think? And should I tell him how I feel yet or just start friendship. I'm thinking the latter's smarter but still can't help but ask you guys what you think. Like I said, he said he felt a connection too but I don't know what his connection was if it was like a mentor-mentee relationship? or if it was also romantic? or just :S
     
    #11 Revan, Nov 23, 2009
  12. RaRa

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    Ok. You just met the guy on Thursday, I think you should take it slow. Just start with being friends. Go get coffee with him or something and get to know each other. After hanging out a few times you guys should both be able to decide what you want your relationship to be.
     
    #12 RaRa, Nov 24, 2009
  13. Revan

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    Yeah that was my thought.
     
    #13 Revan, Nov 24, 2009
  14. Just Adam

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    i say take it slow but go for it you only get so many chances of true love of the heart... no to the sex till legal but thast so doable its fine

    my biggest point though dont worry about age its only 5 years thats nothing :slight_smile: in teh end it all comes down to him and if he can handle a serious relationship with an older guy

    thats why it needs to be erally slow and also low key as there will allways be some people who arent comfortable with it and it could be hard on him ...but i say its still so worth it.
     
    #14 Just Adam, Nov 24, 2009
  15. Revan

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    thanks guys :slight_smile:
     
    #15 Revan, Nov 24, 2009
  16. beckyg

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    Yeah, taking things slow is the best way to approach this. I'm just a romantic, but I do believe in soulmates and that we can have an instant bond with someone. This sounds very much like what I experienced many years ago. I wouldn't deny those feelings because you will be left wondering "what if" for a very long time. However, you don't want to get in trouble with the law so please be careful and take things slow.
     
    #16 beckyg, Nov 25, 2009
  17. Revan

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    The hang out went really well. I didn't mention anything romance-oriented it just was pleasant. Though he was very shy, and I had no idea what to do when he left so I shook his hand which was soooooo awkward cuz I frankly wanted to hug him not shake his hand...but least it went well. Do you think awkward hand shake is ok?
     
    #17 Revan, Nov 25, 2009
  18. Silvermark

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    Well, you can just keep going as friends and see if anything happens. To be honest, it's probably best to wait until he's older or if he comes onto you first to do anything.
    One of my friends was going out with a girl a year or two younger than him, it ended badly. The two of you are going to want different things at different times.

    That said, if you're willing to wait for this guy, then all luck to you.
     
    #18 Silvermark, Nov 25, 2009
  19. summersforecast

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    I know I'm kinda late on this, but I just wanted to say that as a 16-year-old I know how mature gay teens can actually be. I know that through coming out I matured incredibly as a person to a state where I can be comfortable in my own skin, and shake off homophobic remarks with ease. However I will say that teens are incredibly sex driven so just be carefull and of coarse if you do give in practice safe sex :wink: All in all I say go for it(that is being in a relationship not necessarily sex lol)
     
    #19 summersforecast, Nov 25, 2009
  20. Revan

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    Yeah I'm just gonna have to wait and see. He definitelÝ is one heck of a mature kid, I saw an adult standing in front of me not a kid. Tho he's also very very shy.
     
    #20 Revan, Nov 25, 2009
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