I told a friend of mine that I was gay the other day and it went really well. So far nothing has changed between us and he is pretty cool with it. I never doubted him for a second. I guess as I continue to come out I find myself wondering how I am going to meet people or even date them. Relationships in general are completely new to me. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. I never had a girldfriend due to the fact that I was never really atracted to them...for obvious reasons now. I guess I feel like relationships are something that I have never done and I stress about the idea of having a relationship for the first time at 23 yrs old. I guess not having a serious relationship has caused me to not really thing much about them but recently everyone in my family has been getting girlfriends/ boyfriends. Siblings and cousins are now bringing their significant others to family events and such and it just reminds me that that is something that I have never had. I feel like I have missed out on a huge part of growing up. Has anyone else felt this way?
Definitely, im always having these same feelings. I kind if just have to remind myself to take life one day at a time and that if i meet someone things will just.....happen. Thats how im told it works anyways Im trying to not be so obsessed with dating though. Im trying, like i said, to just take life slowly and do the baby steps thing.
Yeah, definitely. I've been involved with queer youth groups and the like in my city for a long time, but I haven't found a partner yet and I know what you mean about feeling like you're missing out. For you, it will happen, though - and anyone worth being with will understand that it's your first relationship, and will help guide you through it
Yep, and I feel it's going to be this way for a while... at least until my family gets used to me "being" this way and I have a loving, steady girlfriend.
I have felt this way, quite often. And in fact, on some days, I still do feel like that. Sometimes it feels that all I achieved in life so far will have been for naught, because I missed whatever chance I had at ever getting a boyfriend. I sometimes feel that coming out at age 25 was just too late to have any chance at getting anything to work... Thing is, that's not true for several reasons. First of all: the closet issue: I simply was too closeted and unaccepting of myself before. even if I had done the whole closeted dating thing (not that I have any idea how I would have even gone about starting such a thing), it would probably have ended up crashing down. Over the stress of keeping it secret, over not seeing each other too often, over the still existing self-hate... The pitfalls are just too many to count. secondly: seeing how my friends did in the relationship department when they were younger really doesn't make me feel it was so fantastic. I mainly remember a lot of teenage drama, and regrets, and things not working out... It's not a rose garden. I don't really think it's relationship experience that is needed to get things working. The most important thing really is knowing more about yourself. which you logically do more after 20 than after 15 years. Lastly, going out even once to a gay gathering showed me that there's a staggering number of people my own age that are new to this too. People come out at all ages. So once you get more out, and you are more "in the relationship market", so to speak, you're bound to find people that are new to this too. And honestly, people don't require experience. In fact, personally, I think I might even like it more to be with someone with not too much experience either, to better explore the ways of relationships together. And maybe really finally: it's not a race. I'm the oldest one of my siblings and cousins, and at the current rate, I'll be the last one to ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But just finding anyone because others are doing it is a bad idea. It will happen eventually...
I didn't start dating until I was 25 or 26. Do I feel I missed out on something? Not really. Yeah, sometimes I wonder what life would be like had I slept around a little (or a lot) in college, but the same way I wonder what life had been like had I chosen a different path of study. Not a regretful look - just a "what if" one. Things certainly came out all right in the end. How are you going to do it? The same way everyone else does. Stay active. Stay social. Meet people. Forge new relationships - with males, females, straights and gays. And eventually you'll click with somebody. You can get more proactive and join a dating service if you'd like, but I wouldn't worry about that just yet. Focus on the coming out and staying social bit first. Lex
Hey mate Firstly well done for coming out to your mate...thats brilliant. So Im also 23 and I can tell you now that you are not the only person who feels the way you do. I have had a few experiences with guys but nothing that ever warranted what I would describe a relationship. It kills me that my younger sister brings her boyfriend round, who is practically part of the family now. I've never had that. But I will say one thing, its not all doom and gloom. Because I know that if I had ever had any substantial relationship with a bloke, I wouldnt have been happy. And even if I had brought someone home to meet the parents, it wouldnt have felt right. But lack of relationship experience hasnt given me a disadvantage. I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few months now and if anything I think I appreciate her more because I havent had the emotional trauma of a bad relationship. Dont feel that you will fail at a relationship because you havent done it before. There are many people in your boat straight and gay...dont feel you're alone.
