I came out on Facebook last month. I expected it to spread like wildfire and, being in high school, it did. However, I stupidly didn't expect my best friend, who goes to the same school as me, to find out. One of our mutual friends told him and he was shocked. He said since I was his best friend, he thought I'd tell him first. Now, he knows and we still talk, but he doesn't know I know he knows I'm gay. LOL How can I bring the topic up? It's strange since we don't talk about it at all, like I'm not gay. I planned on telling him but I didn't know the right time and I was scared of his reaction, causing me to procrastinate.
I would say "I know that you know I'm gay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you first. [insert explanation here, whatever it is]. But now that I've told you, is there anything you want to ask me?" Sometimes (most of the time) the direct approach is the best.
You're very welcome I know it is scary, trust me, but think of it like ripping a bandaid off - if you do it bravely, it'll be a little sting and you'll barely notice. If you do it slowly, just plain sustained ouch!
I wouldn't bring it up unless he does. Act like it isn't a problem - which it isn't. In the end, you owe him no explanation for your life's choices - the coming out, not you being gay. But either way, you owe no one an explanation.
True, but wouldn't it be courteous and respectful if I revealed to him something as personal as that? I mean, we are best friends and best friends are supposed to be able to share anything and everything.
Yes and no. I've always held the opinion that everyone knows I'm gay, and I act as such. If they didn't already, the figure it out. Should he ask, you can respond, "Oh, sorry, I thought you knew."
It's not about owing people an explanation. You get married, you tell people about it. You get a promotion, you tell people about it. You get injured, you tell people about it. You lost your virginity, you tell people about it (discreetly, hopefully!) It's a significant life event, realising that you're gay. Especially if you've already told everyone else, telling your best friend about this is only natural. I agree that it shouldn't be a big deal, that people shouldn't have to wear a badge saying they're gay, tell everyone they meet just in case it would bother them, whatever, but this is his BEST FRIEND. Realising you're gay is something that you talk with your best friend about.
I just quoted that because it looks cooooooooooool LOL :roflmao: anyway, yeah that is really the best approach. Short, sweet and to the point. Good luck :eusa_clap
It's always delicate with a best friend. Can be almost like telling a parent for some people. You could start with "Well, I'm guessing you've heard I'm gay. I really wanted to tell you first, but I was scared. I know it's stupid, and didn't show respect for our friendship, but I just wanted to clear the air so there isn't some awkward unspoken thing between us. I did the reverse with a friend of mine who I'd known for years, and who was undeniably gay (close "friend" moved in with him, their clothes and bathroom stuff were in the same closet, but the "friend" supposedly slept two floors away in a basement that looked like a storage room and didn't look remotely lived in.) It was a little awkward at first, but within a day or two, everything was once again great between us, and it ultimately brought us closer.
I had a fairly similar situation a while back. I did a fairly similar thing to what's been suggested above - pretty close to what Chip said - and I added something like "You know you're one of my closest friends, and I guess I felt that if I told you and you reacted badly, I would have lost more than I would have by telling other people. I knew intellectually that you'd probably be cool with it, but it's really hard to be rational when you think you might lose someone you really care about."
