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I'm gay, I'm in the closet...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Burney, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. Burney

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi I'm new here
    I thought I`d join...well Im not sure why but I'm just in a bit of a predicament at the moment and I'm sure I cant be the only one. I guess I just wanted to share.

    So I'm 25 and I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year now. She really is fantastic and I have developed very strong feelings for her and its reciprocal. Great. She is out to everyone and anyone who asks, which is super. I guess I'm writing here because I'm still very much in the closet and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I am out to a few close friends and they have met her, but no one in my family knows. I havent really had to lie to my parents, because they live in the south of the country. I just dont tell them about my life and now its starting to kill me. My girlfriend is so understanding and doesnt mind that she hasnt met my parents yet, or that I'm not out at work. But deep down I feel like I'm letting her down and I just dont know why I'm being so pathetic.

    My parents are originally from Saudi Arabia and have very traditional views. Homosexuality in their culture is a big no no.I know I will need to tell them eventually, but I just dont know how I'm going to do it.

    Anyway hopefully everyone is having a good day.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. adam88

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    I had a good conversation with my boss recently about the same topic. She's way out there to anybody who knows her, and she had been trying to get her partner (let's call her "Betty") to come out for a long while. It was a little bit disruptive, for example she couldn't go to Betty's work socials for fear of it being awkward, etc. Not too long ago, though, she started coming out to more of her straight friends (she has lots of gay freinds who she came out to immediately, of course, but they don't really count except for support) and would actually come home and announce "I've come out to another person today" to hugs and smiles and all that. Still, it's been a slow process for her.

    So, I suppose the point of my story is that being in a closet is kind of restricting and smells like mothballs and if you turn around too quickly, you'll get a wire clothes hanger in the eye. :wink: It's a very good sign you have a supportive partner, that is the best help you can have in coming out. Talk to her about it, and when you feel ready to come out to your family perhaps try it with a sibling or something first before moving on to parents if that seems easier.

    We're all here for you. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Greggers

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    Well the way i see it, if you can go a year without your parents finding out on there own they obviously are not in your life to the degree that if (hypothetically) it goes very very wrong, they cant actually do anything that harmful to your life. Sure, that would suck, but ive NEVER heard of a parent who does not eventually come around to at least tolerance. Ive heard many stories of parents who drive there children to suicide because they are so horrible to them about their sexuality, and all of these parents came around after the suicide to do great things for the LGBT movement. Odd example, and im not trying to say "commit suicide and your parents will be all "yahoooo gayness" haha, im simply saying even the most anti-gay people can do 180 flip when you come out to them, even if it takes years of time.

    Anyways...ramblings aside, I definitely think you should start with your parents, and soon. They cannot harm you, and the faster you do it the more time they have to come around. As for work, I dont see you needing to come out until/unless your in a position that is quite permanent or you get quite personal with certain people. No need to come out if you dont feel comfortable though. Work and personal life always tend to be separate anyways, so its not as big a deal as not telling family.