Hi guys, So it's Thanksgiving and I really want to come out to my parents, it was my plan all along, but they're making it really difficult, at least my dad is. I went to buy new glasses yesterday and my dad said "They don't look gay do they?" on the way there cause i knew what ones I wanted. And he's made other comments that make me feel like he doesnt want to know. But knowing my dad, it could also mean that he already knows and he's trying to joke about it or something. He's making it really really difficult though, ruining any good opportunities that may come up. At this point i'm considering leaving them a not to find when I go home to my apartment, so I dont have to see them right away. I'd rather tell my mom first but I feel the best idea would be to tell both of them at the same time, because they're the kind of parents who would think I didnt love one of them as much if I didnt do it all at the same time. They've been nothing but annoying to me since I came home. They expect me to switch off with my brother for my old bed, because they got rid of his... He's 2 years older than me, he's been moved out for two years, I only moved out this year. He should get the couch and I should get the bed. but whatever. I'm just wondering what everyone's opinions are on this... Do you think writing a letter and leaving it is a good idea? My dad is making everything so difficult, but he probably doesnt even know he's doing it.
I think leaving a note to be found after all the festivities is a good idea. Before I came out to my parents, there were like four or five references to "gay" on TV that we were all watching. It was so excruciating because I was like... oh no, every time this comes up on these shows they're going to instantly relate it to me... I still came out that night. I think that when you're preparing for this, your sense of gaydar in general goes into hyperdrive and everything becomes slanted with positive or negative connotations. Chances are much higher that almost none of the references are relating to you at all. They can't really read your mind, after all.
Hi there! I am wondering if it could also be his way of dropping hints to you that it is okay to come out? Some hints might come over as being a bit odd and might increase our anxiety and nervousness because we are not sure how to read them or what to make of them. It seems that your dad (and your mum perhaps as well) might already suspect it..... If you feel that it is a good time to come out to them and you feel ready, give it a go. I think if writing a letter is the most comfortable thing for you, then by all means go for it. Feel free to have a look at the Coming Out Letters section under the Resource tab. Maybe you will find a couple of ideas that could help you in formulating your letter. Once you have written the letter you could leave it for them, and also include some PFlag material if you feel that it would be useful for you parents to have a look at it. Are you still going to be around after you have left it for them to read? If so, stay close by and after they have read it try to talk with them as well.
Yeah my idea is that I would leave them the note right before I head back to school. I go to school only like 20 minutes from my home town... My mom works in the city, and my dad takes class in the city twice a week. My mom takes class every tuesday at my school. So it's not hard to get in contact with me once i'm back. I'll deffinately take a look at those letters. I'm really looking forward to getting this over with, I know it will make me feel a lot more comfortable coming out to other people... I feel kindof bad because i'v been sortof distant since I came home for thanksgiving and I guess I'v been kindof on edge while home. They just dont understand how stressed I'v been in the past few weeks.
It sounds like you are ready, and it will help with coming out to others. Once you have the most important people in your life behind you, coming out won't seem to be such a big deal anymore. Coming out to them, will help you in feeling closer to them again, and will reduce your stress levels. If you want, or feel you would like to have some feedback on your letter, feel free to post it. Good luck!
So here's what I'v come up with, have a look! Let me know what you think, it IS rather long. Mom and Dad, If you remember way back when I was in 7th grade, I had a lot of issues when it came to lying to you guys. That was a really stressful time for me, and I'm sure it was for you too. I could never explain why exactly I lied to you guys about everything, but I know now why I did those things. It seems completely obvious to me now. I was lying to you about everything so you wouldn't suspect something I felt I had to hide. Since that year, I learned my lesson that lying and hiding things from you would not solve any of my problems and it would only make things worse. I have done my best to not disappoint you, because you're my parents, and I love you, I always will. The problem is I haven't been entirely truthful to you or many other people, and it really eats me up inside when I think about it. The truth is, I am gay. I know this must be a shock to you but I want to assure you that I have always been this way and nothing you or I could do would have ever changed that. Trust me, I'v spent the last 19 years of my life trying, and hoping, that I would change. And after those 19 years of trying, I'm finally accepting this part of my life. I have had girlfriends in the past, but I wasn't really attracted to any of them in the way other teen boys were. When I was younger, mom used to ask me not to be gay, which I don't blame her for. I understand where you were coming from. It may seem like it could be an unhappy lifestyle. But at this point of my life, it's makes me more unhappy to have to pretend and lie than to actually just be honest. I knew very well back then that I liked guys but I thought it could go away with time, or that it was a phase, and for some people it might be, but for me, that is not the case. I guess the part that I want to emphasize here is that I am still the same person I have always been. I never hid my other likes and dislikes from you. As you know, I am a very opinionated person and I usually have no fear when it comes to presenting my opinions to other people. I like the things I like not because I am gay but because I just do. I hope that you can accept this part of who I am and understand that I can not change it and it has taken me a very long time to accept this about myself. The reason I have been snapping at people and stuff at home during thanksgiving is because on top of all the work I have to do for my classes, I have to deal with coming out to people. I just want you to know that I love you and I always will love you, no matter what. I'm betting you have some questions for me and I'm more than happy to talk to you about this. The only thing I ask is that you don't yell at me, I don't expect you to be comfortable with it at first, after all, it took me 19 years to even accept it myself. I love you, Taylor
Sounds like a very well thought out and well written letter. If I still needed to come out to my parents, I think I would consider stealing it from you . I hope that it all goes well for you when you come out. Let us know how it goes! (*hug*)
ok guys I'v added something: PS - I did this by email because I needed a way for you to easily respond to me. To be honest, I would rather you take the time to collect your thoughts and feelings and write me a response. I know this may seem impersonal but it was the easiest way to get a response from you in writing and for me to say all the things i need to say. Also, I am sending this to your email because I feel you will take it better than dad will. I would like you to share this with him as I wrote it for both of you, but I feel more comfortable with you reading it first. that's at the end... I decided i should email it because I want my parents to have the same opportunity to gather their thoughts and feelings as I have with this letter. Also, I want to be able to look back on what they said back to me in the future.
is sending this through email too impersonal? I really want a tangible written response that i can look back on, and email's the only way i'll really get one.
Sending it via email is fine IMHO. No different to an ordinary letter, just the medium thats changed. After all, its what the contents say that really matters.
