I went out gay clubbing for the first time with the LGBT Society at my university (I only properly came out about a month ago, although I've known I was gay for a while). Anyway, there was a guy there, friend of a friend, who was very hot (IMO). We spent a fair while chatting, he was there for about 3 hours or so (got there a bit later than me) and we probably spent a good hour just chatting., although we didn''t do much, if any dance together. Anyway, I didn't do anything that night, mostly because I didn't know how to ask. He added me on Facebook yesterday and I want to ask him out properly. How should I go about it? I've always had a confidence problem, particularly in the past year being on anti-depressants, but what would you suggest? Thanks.
I don't think there is a realy official "proper" way to ask anyone out, really. And making a big show of asking someone out to ask on a date only creates pressure and expectations. Which you don't really want on a first date. So why not be utterly casual about it? Something like a facebook message, mail or text saying: "Hi there! I had fun chatting with you at that club. And I notice you added me on facebook yesterday. Would you like going for a drink sometime?" Alternatively, substitute "grab a bite" for "go for a drink". Or any other turn of phrase that makes it sound like a fun way to spend some time. If he replies yes, then follow-up is to decide on when and where. If the answer is no, well, then you know too. But in my experience, not a lot of people say no if you just ask them out for a drink or something to eat.
"Had a great time chatting with you the other night. Any chance we could meet up for lunch/coffee/a drink sometime soon?" Lex
i agree with the above posts. but im curious. how, then, if one asks someone else out in a real casual friendship way, can you let them know that you are really interested in them for dating rather than just as a mate? how can you take the relationship to the next step?
There's a lot of ways to do it...The first wich comes to my mind is asking "Are you interested in someone at the moment ?". If he answers "no", just forget it. A "yes" answer means he's interested in you or someone else. Just ask "who ?" I just wouldn't procrastinate on this move.
There is no 100% casual way to "take it to the next level" for establishes friends. Even the most casual way will have some weirdness. The least risky way is to get the both of you drunk and start something, because then you can plausibly just attribute it to drunkeness. But it's not a good idea. Not everyone wants a relationship based on a drunken hookup.
Best not to make a big event out of it, just ask him if he wants to meet up and go for a drink or something and you never know he may ask you or if you're both nervous then just take it slow and get to know each other better.
LOL - not a good idea. Honesty is always the best policy. A simple note (or call) to say that you really enjoyed meeting him and that you'd like to see him again. If you beat around the bush, then he might not get the message clearly enough that you'd like to go on a date. Then - the ball is in his court. He can accept of decline. But at least you've given it a shot.
One thing I have started to notice a fair amount here on EC is the suggestion of using a note/e-mail/letter/etc. to convey something that obviously means a lot to you. Is it a bad option? Not really, but in my opinion if it REALLY means something to you(I.E. Your asking for advice on the subject in a forum). I would think it's generally something important enough to do yourself be it in person or over the phone. That way you can truly judge the other persons reaction and see how they feel on the subject, you don't have to worry about conveying the right message through written word where sometimes things can be perceived incorrectly or misinterpreted. Just be real with the person, if your not comfortable talking to them at all do you think you could get through an entire date with them? I'm not saying a note/letter/e-mail/etc. is a bad option but that in my opinion nothing beats "Grabbing some sack" and really going out there and getting what you want. If you think there's a reason for you to be with someone, who knows what reason others have to be with that same person. Go out there and take him for your own before someone else does. I'm rambling at this point but I think you get the idea...
like other said, you already chatted with him face to face, so you got your foot in the door already. just tel him you like talking with him, and ask he would like to hang out some time.
