I just feel like writing. I haven't been here in a while. I think I have probably come a long way since I was here last. I pretty much have no doubt left about my sexuality. I am happy about it. I have told a few people now. I have been going out to gay clubs etc. And yet I feel kinda sad and empty. Like, I just desperately want to meet someone now. I have never been out with anyone before. It's depressing. It's not that I feel pressured into meeting someone, but I just feel like it's time, and that I want to. I am scared of what will happen if I do meet someone, though. What if it's not how I picture it? What if I'm too scared or crap to do anything? I don't even know how to kiss. I am also scared of getting hurt, because I am so inexperienced. What if I meet someone who just wants to take advantage? I get the impression that most new couples go a lot fast than I would be prepared to go. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself, because I don't even know how to initiate things. I met this girl I really liked a couple of weeks ago, at a club. We had a lot in common (we even had the same name!), and we chatted a few times throughout the night. She got me a drink, and once she got my attention by touching the back of my neck. But then she told me she thought I was a really sweet girl, and left. I saw her again since - she saw me and waved, but I didn't talk to her. I am too scared to ask for her number or express any interest. I feel so inexperienced, and like nobody could possibly like me. She was older than I am, so I wonder if maybe she was doing the big sister thing at me, and just looking out for me. I am hoping to see her again next Friday, if she is at this club again. I supose the whole gist of this post is "I am happy about working myself out, but sad because I feel lonely and like I have so far to go". I just want hugs really. Thanks for reading.
Well I can give you the hugs (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) But I'm no good with advice sorry, I'm just scared I'm going to be in the same situation when i go away to university next year. All I seem to be doing today is giving people hugs and no advice, I'm hopeless.
(*hug*)*provides sought after hugs* (*hug*) I definitely get where you're coming from. It's cliche, but can you try to trust that things will be as they'll be, and focus on handling each moment as well as you can? Maybe she'll be there...if she is, flirt it up, step out of your box and offer your number...if she's all "aww, no" smack her around a bit and go find some fun elsewhere. If she doesn't show up, commit to finding other cool new people to talk to. Maybe you'll meet somebody even more awesomesauce. Here's some more hugs - (*hug*) Treat yourself well, girlie.
Also! What about alternatives to clubs? I am very much not into the club scene..and, really, I don't think it's the best way to meet people...surrounded by noise and sweating bodies, and people on the prowl. It kind of grosses me out. Are there any lesbian groups around where you live? I've just discovered a lesbian coffee club in my town that I've started going to. Lots of older ladies..but they're cool, and have sort of taken me under their wings. There's this beautiful couple of 60 year old women who are just hilarious and spend all of their time trying to make me blush. Maybe just connecting with the community is a good place to start. There's also a LGBQT choir here...lol...I cannot sing to save my life...but I'm thinking about it. It's all about networking...meeting people who know people... I'm just learning to be patient myself. I filled out a few online dating profiles...and ended up chickening out and deleting them >_> It's not easy. You're so not alone.
Thanks I am not so big on clubs either... although it's a bit complicated. I want to be into clubbing, and I do enjoy being there, but I have social anxiety so I also have a lot of trouble with them. I agree they're probably not great for meeting people. I have tried some other groups, e.g. I go to a 'coming out group', and I have tried a lesbian discussion group. I have found that they are mostly older women, and although they are really nice, it kinda frustrates me because I'm obviously not going to meet my future partner at these things. And other than that, there is sport, which I don't like. Lol, I am on a dating site. It's a bit odd. I met one nice person through it, but I don't think I'll meet a partner that way. You should do it!
>_> Mayyyyyybe I'll grow some girlie balls and give it a try...in a while. lol. What abouuuuut just trying things you're interested in? It's probably a better way to meet people, than just finding people with whom the only common denomenator is your sexuality. Is there a particular art form you're really interested in? You could take a class. Are you into yoga, or want to take snowboarding lessons? ....or I guess...surfing... If you go about it this way, you'll be enjoying what you're doing, and also potentially meeting cool people...some of whom may be open to ladies, and you in particular. All of this advice is hypocritical, because I'm in the exact same spot as you. I'd love to meet somebody, like..yesterday, and get on with it...but it's hard. It's hard for everybody to find someone, but when you add in the fact that you can't tell just by looking around who may be open to reciprocation, it gets frustrating. Maybe just start flirting with every chick you find appealing, wherever you are, and see who bites I have a flirtationship with this chick at the juicebar I go to. I think she's straight. I giver anyway. If nothing else, it's practice, and she's sweet and pretty.
Hey I totally understand that its hard and was once in your position, to be honest I think a lot of people have been at one point or another. MissNomer has given some great advice. I think its very easy to over think the situation and make lots of plans and then sometimes when the situation arises you are so busy trying to stick to your plans which might not fit the situation as it unfolds, so I think often the best thing is to maybe give yourself a goal for the evening if it feels right and then for the next part just try and enjoy yourself as much as possible, like if you enjoy the clubbing you should go, whether this girl is there or not, I mean there must be other girls there. Perhaps for this friday you should give yourself the goal of talking to the girl if you see her, dont neccessarily go straight all out for her number, maybe flirt with her a bit, or just tell her its really nice to see her again and see what she says. Its always good to remember that maybe she is worried about making a move too. Goodluck. You will find someone.
Thought I would post to let you know that I am in a similer boat. I am apprehensive about putting myself out there because I feel inexperienced. Aside from the girl on the playground in second grade kissing me and asking if I wanted to see her underpants, I have never been kissed/kissed another person. I worry about when the time comes when I meet a guy I feel a connection with, if I am just totally going to turn him off by my inexperince. So you are far from alone. But congrads on putting yourself out there by going to clubs. you are farther along in that regard *in part thanks to the lack of gay clubs in my area, aside from GSA, and we use that for friendship... not dating. I guess you just have to take the chance. Live the risk you might mess up, because you might just find you were worried for nothing, and the true risk is not trying.
OH MY GOD!!! I went out and she was there and I somehow ended up driving her home and she kissed me on the cheek and WOW!
Wow! That's awesome!! You must be so stoke ^.^ Keep us posted on what's happening. We're all very glad for you here on EC
