Hello.. I have recently met and fallen hard for a fabulous woman who is not comfortable with being gay. She has had other short term relationships with women in the past but has been afraid to take it to the next level. This is primarily due to her fear over disappointing her grandmother by not getting married to a man and having children. She also has dreams of starting a family and I think she struggles with seeing how a lesbian couple can have the "american dream" like any other couple. Ironically, her father came out late in life and has a long term partner. In short, I'm not really sure how to proceed... should I tackle this issue right from the start by offering suggestions and sharing resources about coming out? Or just sit back and see what happens. I'm not in the closet... my family and friends have been accepting from day one so I've never had to struggle through this process myself. What I do know is that I really like this woman and would love to be able to share a happy, healthy, closet-free relationship with her. Any thoughts, comment or advice is appreciated. Thanks! ~M
If you really like this woman, I would leave things as they are for now. Let her get comfortable with the relationship and see how things develop. You did say you'd just recently met, so maybe introducing her to your family, going to "lesbian" hangouts or events, or even just reading books or watching movies together would help her become more comfortable with her sexuality. You can't force her out of the closet, but maybe you can give her incentive to crack open the door. If there are any social groups, like reading clubs for other lesbians in your area, you might see if she would go to one of those with you, then she could see other couples being happy and free. I sort of have a similar situation with a woman who I fell very hard for, but who's not quite sure about herself yet. We've carried on a long distance relationship so far, and we were friends before we admitted these other feelings to each other. We just have gotten together to see if sparks erupt. I'd planned to go visit her, but my plans fell through, and I'm not sure when I'm going to get to go now.
