so I only have one more person that really want to know about my gayness, but it is really hard for me to tell him. He has been my best friend for five years now, and we do all kinds of stupid stuff that I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do with a gay guy, or maybe I'm just being paranoid. I don't let many people into my inner circle of life, so when I do I really get attached to them. I wigging out that if I tell him and he freaks out that I'll be hating life. I've done the whole thing in my head where I say: "I'm still the guy that held your hand on your wedding day. I'm still the guy you watch the super bowl with every year. I'm still the guy that lends you movies that you keep for 100 years before watching them." Let me make this clear: I have no attraction to this guy, he is just a great friend that I like hanging out with. He mentioned a while ago that gay people make him uncomfortable, but he also said, jokingly, that he would understand if I was gay (I never had much luck with girls, I got stabbed once.) So, I'm really just sitting here in my office thinking about this all the time. I want to tell him, but .... well you know.
What you're saying to yourself in your head is true. You could sum it up by saying something like "I've been gay for ages (or "forever", depending on whether you think people are gay from birth or not) but it's only now that you know about it. Also, I've heard many tales of people changing their attitudes when their best friend tells them that they are gay. Good luck =]
If you stop and think about it, there already is a wedge between you and your friend. He hasn't put it there, you have - by not telling him the truth and by worrying about his reaction. I know it's hard, and there seems like a lot to lose, but how are you really going to live an honest and authentic life if your very best friend doesn't know you're gay and you try to hide it from him? You'll be holding yourself back at the same time. It sounds like you've reached the point where you need to tell him. (Is he recently married? Keep in mind that this kind of change in his life can cause a change in his relationship with you - in terms of what you do together or how much time you spend together. Don't interpret these changes to have anything to do with you telling him you're gay. These are changes that might have happened anyway. If he starts a family you can COUNT on him not having as much time to spend with you.) Good luck.
Well, he's certainly wrong in that context, because he's super comfortable with you. Yeah he may be surprised when you come out, but I'd be really shocked if it would change your relationship much. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
