Last year I started developing a crush on my teacher. Hes really attractive, married, and has a kid. I dont know how it started. Everyone at my school pretty much thinks hes hot, but i feel that im kind of weird for actually having such strong feelings for him. Anyways, during this crush I convinced myself that I had no chance and I guess that I was fine that, at first. Then it seemed like I was getting strange vibes from him, gaydar I guess lol. Every once in a while I would look at him and for a split second it looked like he was looking at me, but i wasnt sure. Then towards the very end of the year we were watching a movie and I looked towards his desk and I was 100% positive he was looking at me, but trying to be discrete. Instead of looking away I just locked on, as he looked away quick, but i guess he noticed that i was looking at him, then he looked back, out of the corner of his eye, and we held that gaze for the rest of the class. The next day when i arrived at school, I started walking in from outside but i noticed him standing outside looking at me. As I walked by he started walking by me just Smiling and looking dead at me, not looking away at all. I thought "there is NO way any straight male would act like this to another male, for this reason". Btw I COULD NOT SAY ANYTHING... Ive never felt like that in my life... The catch however is that in the halls or in front of class or anything like that, he will not say anything to me... He just ignores me. I know i NEED to move on, but im not sure I want to. I Have never been attracted or felt like this to anyone like this... It really is on a different level. ADVICE IS VERY APPRECIATED!
Hi there and welcome to EC! I think trying to move on might be best. Yes, it can be hard because you have never felt such an attraction to someone, but knowing that the likelihood that this develops into something are remote, it might be best to try everyday to move on. Try to keep your distance as much as possible. It is going to be hard given that you will be bound to run into him, but give it a try. If you haven't had the opportunity to do so, maybe try joining a support group in your community or at your school. Try to get to know new people, try to do new things, which will allow your mind to concentrate on other things. Getting to know new people, will help you to find someone, with whom it will work out down the road. Also, another way to distract your mind and to start moving on is perhaps trying to find a new hobby or pursue an old one that you haven't had the chance to pursue recently. Although crushes are always a hard thing to move on from because we have already thought about what would it be like to hold the other person, to walk together or hold hands, but there is at least one positive thing here. Given that you have your orientation set to "not sure, still trying to figure it out," it gives you an indication that you do have some attraction to men. I hope this helps a bit!
I'm going to sound harsh here, so I apologise in advance. If he's your teacher, nothing can happen. Full stop. Sharing looks could mean that he's atracted to you, but to be honest, it could also be that you want to believe it so much that you're seeing what you want to see. He might be attracted to you, he might not be, but if he was to pursue anything with you, he'd lose his career. What to do? I know when you hear "move on" you think it's impossible, but it's pretty much the only thing for you to do. If you keep holding onto the idea "I don't want to move on because there's still a chance", you could miss out on so much. I know it feels like he's the only guy in the world who will ever matter to you. I've been there. But if you keep trying to convince yourself that there could be something between you, and being so absorbed in your thoughts about him, you could miss out on other opportunities - guys or girls your age, who can be with you without risking their careers, with whom a relationship would be legal. Where abouts do you live? Are there any queer support groups or phone lines in your area?
i know alllllllllllllllllllllll to well i am doing the same thing with my teacher so i cant help but there are other XD they pretty much said it all
I live in a small town in the bible belt, So no theres not any... About a month ago I tried so hard to forget about him completely, and I would just keep stuff on my mind, but after a week I broke down b/c it hurt so bad.
I'm sorry to hear that. (*hug*) Okay, try a different approach. Spend more time with your friends. Make it a point to see at least one friend every second day. In the meantime, keep concentrating on your studies, and set yourself some goals you would like to achieve. Are there any goals that you would like to achieve? Do you have some hobbies? Expand on your hobbies, find new ones. New things will allow you to concentrate on other things. Our minds work in strange ways. One those strange ways is that if we are confronted with new things we get excited, and we find it interesting. Is there a community centre in your area? If there is, try to join an activity, and it doesn't matter what it is. When you set yourself some goals, don't set them with "I'm setting them to get him off my mind" because that will only work in the short term. Set them with "I want to achieve this goal or want to do it so to learn something new, or to explore something new" in mind. Don't let your mind control you. You can control your mind as well. Sometimes, when we fight against thoughts, in your case about the teacher, the stronger and more frequent they will get. When you get a thought about him, or start wondering of, just acknowledge that you that thought. Just say to yourself, "oh there it is, yeah okay" and keep doing what you are doing at the moment. Acknowledging them, rather than fighting against them, will help you to move on.
Ok First off I would like to say welcome to EC! Now to the serious stuff. I know that from looking at other's behaviour you may see something strange or something hopeful but, and I don't want to burst your bubble but, often what you might hope to see becomes what you actually see. Some things may begin to appear more obvious than others and you might mistake one thing for another. Being (probably) older and having a sister as a teacher, (I know. . . ewww) I know how they think. They are normal people, yes, however they are also professional teachers too. My sister won't talk about mundane or unimportant things to her students, let alone personal stuff. She has to keep, at the very least, a professional tone and so cannot get too close to her students. The same applies to your teacher. Teachers are also, in many respects, like children. They make groups among themselves, don't venture too far from it, and they can bully and tease each other believe it or not. Just try to take his perspective, and try to understand everything around you from another perspective. I know my advice probably isn't that helpful but if you need any more, or just want to talk. I'm always here for you.
Thanks for the advice... But theres not much to do, I mean i live in a VERY small town. Most hobbies involve school sports and theres a HUGE problem there. Hes the football/basketball coach and i dont think i could handle that at all, unless I completely forgot about him. I used to play football and I WANT to play basketball, but cant. =/
Hi there, and welcome to EC. You haven't said how old you are, but you're at least in high school I guess. Perhaps the other way of doing this is to actually be more 'open' with him. Instead of staring at him longingly and mysteriously and flirtatiously, start to interact with him more like a buddy. Break the odd / freaky spell that he has over you by saying hello when you see him. Asking him about his weekend. It would be EXTREMELY inappropriate for him to make any advances towards you, and if he did you really would need to report him. And I'm sure you don't want to get him in trouble, so don't lead him on with these looks and glances and smiles and such. Instead, try to make some other friends and doing some other things. I know living in the bible belt isn't fun for a gay person, but you're going to have to make the best of it until you can get out of there. If nothing else, hang out here in EC and draw support and encouragement from all of us - we can relate to what you're going through.
