Ok, so I usually just say I'm shy but I think it's more social anxiety/lack of any social skills at all. So, anyone know ways I can help get over it? I might meet someone from online in the next few days. Wanna make at least a decent impression...
Hi there! I think one way to feel a bit more comfortable or securer when talking is to stay on topics that you yourself feel comfortable with. Sometimes, having icebreakers i.e. talking about hobbies or school help. Establishing some common ground on which you can build a conversation can go a long way in making you more comfortable. Remind yourself that all you are doing is giving the other person a chance to get to know you. Another thing you could try is taking your cues from the other person. When he/she starts talking about himself/herself, try to pick out things to which you can relate to. Add your own experiences.... Also, may try going to a that is familiar to you such as a coffee shop. Given that it is someone that you are meeting (I presume for the first time in real life) it would be a good idea to stay in a public place or an area where there are lots of people. I hope this helps a bit.
Have a genuine interest for whoever you're going to meet. Ask him/her about anything (school, job, music preferences) and relate to that. Example, "What kind of music do you like?" and then the other person answers "Rock" and then you start a conversation, like "Yeah? I do too. I love Pink Floyd..." or whatever. I hope that helped.
to have good social skills, you MUST be a good listener!!! youve got to listen really carefully to everything the other person says to pick up on the clues they give you to whats going on in their life/their interest areas. Pursue these things by asking them questions. Its true, people doo love to talk about themselves. Also, you need to expand on any questions they ask you, so that they can pick up on things you say and continue the conversation. Just start off with the basic conversation starters (hi! how are you? *enthusiasticly*) and also try to observe carefully the other person and compliment them and/or your surroundings and comment on them.
Polyamorous is right. You have to be a good listener with a genuine interest in learning about people you decide to engage in a conversation. One important note: During a conversation, never be a frog in somebody's throat! Even if you must, do not! Letting someone finish their sentence indicates your respect to their presence and your regard of them as a dialogue equal. Also, if you feel that you are reserved in a social group or you are rarely "at home" in any bonding activities, it is likely that your deep perception of security and self worth needs some improvement/reassurance. Finally, be patient. Socialization is a learned process. And like anything cultural, it does not portray the quality of your character, but only your adaptation to a civilized group. (Civilized does not mean civil.) So be confident and genuine. Hope you succeed!
also try sliding in a few funny things about yourself or funny things that have happened. a little laughter goes a looong way in being more confident in speaking to total strangers.
I don't have much to add to what's already been said, but telling one or two really corny jokes can act as a real nice ice-breaker
I used to have lots of trouble feeling myself comfortable in a social setting too. What helps for me is always remembering a few things: - Sometimes dead moments in conversations happen. It happens to everyone, and it's no one's fault. The other guy is feeling just the same. It helps to think of possible conversation starters ahead of time. If you already know the person you're meeting with, you probably already know one or two common interests. So in a dead moment, bring them up! Or move back to a previous point that you think you could talk further about - Sometimes conversations neander in all directions. That's a good thing! Never doggedly pursue a topic, but just keep talking. - Try not to overanalyse. If you never met each other, both you and the other guy might phrase things a bit awkwardly. Try not to see hidden meanings in what he says. Once you start analysing the conversation too much, it will probably start petering out... If you must overanalyse, you have enough time to do that afterwards I think the most important thing is that you must try to be yourself (it's a cliché, but it holds a lot of truth!). If you try to act like someone you're not, just to make a good impression, you risk freezing up. Go in knowing you're able to make a good impression by just acting natural!
