Finding a good time is hard

Ok, so here's the situation... after going back and fourth writing and re writing letters to come out to my parents, I think I have a final copy that I want to send them, but I'm having trouble finding the right time to do it. I don't live at home so that's not an issue. What Is an issue is that on friday they are going to california for a week. I really wanted to tell them a good amount of time before I came home for the week of christmas. But i dont want to ruin their trip or make it seem rushed. They really need this break from every day life right now, so I really dont want to ruin it for them. but I want to tell them before I get home so they have some time to process the information before I see them in person.
So what do I do? Do I send it now before they leave for their break so they'll have time to cool down, or do I wait and tell them after they've relaxed for a week?

If you guys want, I'll post the final revised letter.

 

Dear Mom and Dad,

I want to appologize for the way I acted during Thanksgiving break. I was rude and childish, getting upset when I had to share my bedroom with Harrison again. It can be hard to give up something that you've had all your life. And this brings me to my next point, and the point of this letter. As bad as I feel about the way I acted, there was a reason that you more than likely did not see. I really needed my personal space this weekend to relax, not only from school work but from some other things that have been on my mind a lot recently. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

If you'll remember back when I was in 7th grade, I had a really hard time that year. I refused to do my homework and I lied to you about everything. I'm not sure I realized exactly WHY I had been doing it at the time. I didn't like lying to you about everything but something inside me told me I had to. Well I believe I felt I had to so that I could hide other parts of who I am from you. I was scared and confused at the time, but I'm not any more.

I learned soon after that year that lying to my friends and family would not solve any of my problems. But that did not change the fact that I was still scared and a bit confused. Only now I knew something about myself that I conciously made the decision to hide from everyone because I was ashamed of it. Well as of last year, I have accepted it and the truth is, I am gay. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. It took me most of my life to accept this about myself, so I dont expect you to accept it right away. I hope that eventually you can come to terms with it as I have. I can't live a lie anymore though. I feel as though I'm missing out on some big part of life by hiding who I am.

I don't have any idea of how you will react to this. There's a part of me that thinks you might have suspected this for a long time. And I guess there have been a lot of clues. I am out to a few of my friends who have told me that they've always suspected something. I never talked about girls with you or anyone. I have had a few girlfriends in middle school, and I dont know if you know this, but I dated Mandy in the beginning of highschool. But they all just felt like really good friendships, I was never really attracted to any of them in any way that was more than a friendship. That point may have been more obvious to my friends, as I didnt tell you about most of the girls I ever dated because I didnt want you to expect anything from me, there was enough pressure there already. I decided to stop dating girls all together after I dated Mandy because I felt really awful breaking up with her, knowing that she always liked me in a different way than I liked her.

I also had a feeling that you have probably suspected this for a long time because when I was very young, (and this happened more than once) I was in the car with mom and she said to me "Taylor, you can be whatever you want when you grow up, just please dont be gay." If you didn't suspect that I could be gay, why would you ask me this? And as hard as this makes it for me to tell you that I am, in fact, gay, I'm not upset about it. I understand where you were coming from, you told me why you said it before. You're concerned that I'll end up alone, like some gay men you work with. But there are a lot more opportunities for me today than there are/were for them. BUt those opportunities would have started to diminish for me if I had waited to tell you. I'm sorry to have promised you I would not grow up to be gay, I didn't understand then that it wasn't something I could change about myself.

The one point that I absolutely want you to get out of this letter is that, yes, I am gay, but that doesn't change who I am. I am still the same Taylor you raised. I still love graphic design, computers, video games, and all the other things I like. Being gay is a small part of who I am as a person and in no way defines me. Now you just know a little more about me that You didn't know before! This is the biggest secret I could ever hide from you, and I really hope that you can accept me for who I am.

The last thing I ever wanted to do in life was disapoint my parents. I love you both very much, and I always will. I'm sure you have a lot of questions for me, so I'll try to cover the ones I can think of in this letter, but I urge you to contact me in some way, whatever's most comfortable for you so we can talk about this. To be entirely honest, I personally would like some kind of email or letter back, so I can have something to look back on later.

I am writing to you instead of telling you in person for a few reasons. In a letter I can easily express all the points I need to make and touch on and* I was worried that I would forget to say anything about them. Also, I honestly was going to try and tell you during Thanksgiving break but it didn't feel like the right time to do it, and I got very nervous and couldn't get the words out.

So you're probably wondering how long I'v known. Well I have had some idea that I was different from other people my whole life. I knew that I had some attraction to guys probably in the end of elementary school, but I didn't know that this was what made me different at the time. I still thought I liked girls the same way other guys my age liked girls. It wasnt until middle school that I started discovering how much I really liked guys and how I really felt about girls. I was still very unsure and confused about my sexuality. I knew that I liked guys and was starting to understand that I did not like girls in the way other boys my age did. This was pretty hard for me to come to terms with. I did everything in my power up until after I dated Mandy to change the way I am. But trust me, it can't be done! At that point I was hoping it was a phase, I never chose to be this way, I just wanted to be straight like everyone else around me. I didn't really accept that this is who I am until around winter break last year. And I didn't tell anyone until April, when I sent a note to a few of my closest friends from home.

I want you to know, there's NOTHING you could, or can do to change this about me. There's nothing you did to make me this way. You raised me and Harrison similarly, and he is very much straight if that's any help. I dont want you to feel that it's your fault or anything. I'm not flamboyant, nor am I very stereotypical. I wont be that guy dancing down the street, nor will I be waving any gay pride flags in anyones faces. I really am the same person I have been all my life. And dont worry about things you may have said to me in the past that you may not have said knowing this about me. I am not, and never was offended. Things were awkward at times, atleast from my point of view. For Instance, when we were going to look at glasses recently and Dad said "They dont look gay do they?" That didnt upset me, but it made me kindof confused. This is something I'm going through right now, so it is on my mind a lot. When he said this, I didn't know how to take it really. Do I take it as dad's way of joking and letting me know it's okay? or do I take it as, dad would hate it if I were gay? The answer isn't really important, just made me think a lot. But there are other things that I have been confused by too. Recently, mom has been asking me what I think of new clothes she buys and how she looks. I am probably reading into it too much, but I'm hoping that's her way of saying she's okay with me being gay. Again, i'm probably reading way too far into it really.

I'm sure you have some concerns as well. Luckily, we live in a state where gay marriage is legal, and we live in a country that is quickly changing to be more accepting of gay and lesbian people. As far as children go, sure as of right now, I wouldn't be able to create life with the person I love, but I would like to have a kid at some point in my life, this could mean adoption or a surrogate (preferably a surrogate because I'd like to see my genes live on). And yes, there is a lot of hatred out there for gay people, but I didn't decide to be this way and I can deal with any hatred that may be pointed towards me. I'm not really offended by people's hatred, a lot of people just don't understand how this all works because they've never had to question and analyze their sexuality;
Once again, I want to let you know that I'd like to talk to you about this in some way. Be it e-mail or in person. I will be willing to talk about it over the phone, but I'd rather talk through email or in person because my roommates do not know yet and it's going to be hard for me to find time to talk about it while they are not here. So you may call, but I may not pick up the phone at first.

Just remeber, I love you and I will always love you. You're my parents and you've raised me well. I hope this doesnt cause you too much stress, and if you need support from an outside source, I believe the Unitarian church is where the Reading chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meets.

I love you and I hope to hear back from you,
your son,
*
Taylor

 

Ha ha sorry that's long. Yeah I'm pretty much ready to tell them... though I do go back and forth on being super enthusiastic about it... last week I wanted to tel them more than anything, this week I have so much going on that i'm not as enthusiastic about it but i still want to tell them.

 

Will do!
Thanks for the great compliments on my writing and the advice! I'll send it to them on the day they get home, which is the day I have reviews so really I guess it's the perfect time.

 

Thanks Ander, I'm glad i could inspire you! Just write everything you want to say, that is the point of writing the letter after all... if you want to address something, then do it. dont wait to talk about it, cause you might forget... that's why i wrote this letter, i know i'd forget to talk about some of this or I'd stumble on my words and say something I didnt mean if i told them in person. I'v always been a better writer than speaker.