Hey (again) everyone, As you may know, I only recently came out of my proverbial Ikea furniture and have been trying to meet plenty of gay people. I'm a member of my uni LGBT, which in itself is awesome - had some great nights out and really with I'd come out earlier because they're such a lovely bunch of people. Anyway, part of the coming out is interpreting people's signals - obviously because I'd never really socialised with gay people before I'm finding it a little awkward, not because I'm uncomfortable, but because I'm slightly worried of making a fool of myself. Anyway, there's a guy that I've become fairly good friends with, he lives just down the road from me and we quite often see each other on campus (we do the same subject, although he's a fresher and I'm in my third/final year). Anyway, the past couple of times we've been out clubbing with the society, he's usually asked me to go outside with him when he needs a bit of fresh air etc. I'm wondering if he's hinting at me asking him either to dance on our own or whatever. However, part of him stops me as he seems quite free and easy so to speak - last time we were out he would be jumping around dancing with just about everyone and then come back via me (although he always kept coming back). Should I just ask him if he wants to grab a drink and dance next time we wonder outside? I guess I could just pass it off as being a mate (a slightly drunk one at that I imagine) if he doesn't respond, but again its a tricky situation. Sorry for the wall of text. TL,dr: Guy sending me confusing signals - how do I interpret them?
It seems like he's interested in spending time with you. He could very well be interested in you romantically but inviting him to get drinks will get you somewhere at least. If he isn't interested in you romantically, surely he'll want to go just to become closer friends. I say absolutely go for it!
What is so tricky about this? You see each other often, you go out together, you enjoy each other's company (I assume)... Offering him a drink at a club that you're already both at is going to still be a 'signal' that he's not going to be able to interpret very well. Why send such subtle messages?!? Life is too short for that! If you like this guy, and you think that he likes you, then why not ask him for a drink on your own, or for a coffee, or over to your place to watch a movie some time. Just the two of you. THAT would be much clearer to him that you're interested in him as something more than just 'a mate'. Then it's up to him to accept the offer or decline.
i like Jim's advice. and i dont think that would be too forward either because if he's not interested, all of that can still fall into the category of "things friends do together" maybe he's casual because just as scared of making the first move? we're all super afraid of rejection, but at one point or another we have to realize all that gets hurt is our ego. now, hopefully one day i can learn from my own advice.
Well - I asked him to come over for a movie on Thursday night forgetting that he was going on the RAG bar crawl at the end of term - doh. He went home yesterday affternoon for the Christmas holidays so I've now got a month or so to get some guts in me to ask again. On the plus side he said he'd love to and he spent the entirety of Wednesday night when we were out clubbing saying I was (his words not mine) "aww, you're so sweet" and "you're lovely". Hopefully he'll take me up on it next term.
I wish you the best of luck when you're able to get back with him! I doubt you'll need it though, it sounds like you two are just peachy
