OK, so I am really just trying to stay chill and not do anything to provoke her, but I am very close to losing it and hitting back for once. Just today I've been screamed at four times for at least ten minutes a screaming session. I've never gotten along with my mom at any time in my life. The only time I came close to having even a little bit of respect for her was after she lost her job about four years ago. After that point, she started making horrible claims about my dad, who hasn't been with her since I was two years old. I realized that she was trying to make me choose sides when, at the time, I had equal contempt for them both. Anyway, she has been giving me nothing but shit for the past couple of months. Just this Saturday, she called the mom of a friedn of mine who had been staying with me for the weekend. She is convinced that we're gay for eachother, which couldn't be farther from the truth. He seems like a very sterotypical homosexual, but he isn't. At the very most, he's mildly bisexual. But he is incredibly (and I fucking hate using labels and gender roles) "femme" so I can't convince her. She thinks I am because I haven't even tried to be with a female for about five years. All the time I am called a faggot. Sometimes she even threatens to kick me out and never speak to me again. The weird thing is that she claims to be a lesbian. She says that all men are sexist pigs and horrible people. I certainly am not. My homosexuality probably hasn't influenced my feminist beliefs. I believe that women are equal and in some ways, better than men. They don't have to be all "macho" and start shit like some men do. Anyway, I fear that if I am somehow outed, by my own free will or by someone else, she will become violent. Since I could remember she has always called me horrible names and taken swings at me, most of them hitting and leaving a bruise. When I first discovered my same-sex attractions, I blamed it on her constant abuse. Now I think that it's probably just genetic. So, what should I do? My dad is also probably not that accepting. I fear that I will have to hide myself until I escape from my home and sever all ties with my family. What do you think of my situation and how I can resolve some of my issues?
Hi there! First off, it saddens me to read your post because no one should grow up like this. No one should face a situation like the one you are facing. (*hug*) It sounds like that your mum is dealing with quite a few issues of her own. I would suggest that when it comes to these kind of situations, maybe just tell your mum, "mum I need a breather, I'm going for a walk or stay at a friend's place for a couple of hours." If it is too late, maybe just say go to your room and try to diffuse the situation that way. In these kinds of situations it isn't a really good idea to start screaming back or as you put it hitting back, because this can and perhaps will make the situation only worse. The next time she abuses you or hits you and you feel that you can't take it anymore, go to a friend's place and let her cool off. Do you have a friend to whom you could go to in such a case? Another thing that might be a good idea would be to speak with a counselor or perhaps even with a teacher that you trust at your school. I think it would be good if you would have support around you. A counselor can also refer to community resources if need be and could also (if need be) contact the appropriate authorities or at least alert someone to look out for you. Given your fears, and it seems that both your mum and dad are not very supportive, I don't think it would be a good idea to come out. If you feel that you want or need to come out, then maybe only come out to really close friends who you know you can trust. If you feel that you need support, maybe try joining an LGBT support group for youth either at school or in your community. Surrounding yourself with various kinds of support will help you to get through this. You don't have to do it on your own. I hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
