I hate to bring this topic up again but its eating at me. Last month or so I brought up how homophobic my workplace is in the thread: http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28315&page=2 For those who don't remember I work at a car dealership and there have been a number of homophobic remarks said at my job. Now that sales have slowed and there have been more time on our hands it seems the inappropriate remarks continue and have gotten worse. Its gotten to the point where I am almost afraid to ever come out at work. I don't think that I would be physically harmed but I think it would become worse for me on the job. Its gotten to the point where I hardly talk to anyone anymore except for small talk. I have thought of talking to a manager, but I do not trust them. I think if I tell one manager it would be like coming out to a coworker and everyone would find out I am gay. There is a 'Tell it to Mike' program where you can anonymously report issues by email to the VP of the company. I am almost tempted to send him something. If I do and it is brought up during a meeting there may be a 'witch hunt' to try to figure out who sent the email. In the mean time, I think its time to look for another job. I just don't feel like I belong there anymore.
Hi Ed! (*hug*) It isn't a lot of fun working at a place where you feel excluded and feel you have to retreat back into the closet because of co-workers who just don't get it that there exists a diverse population and what they say can have an effect on others. It seems that going higher up and to file a complaint or to try to solve it, might not get you the results you want and/or perhaps need in order to feel comfortable at your work place. If you feel that you don't belong there anymore and feel uncomfortable, I think looking for another job is a good idea. Start putting your feelers out there and take it from there. I'm sure you will find something else, where you feel more comfortable again. (*hug*)
I have sympathy for your situation. I've heard comments made in my workplace and even though they aren't directed at me (I'm not out at work either) it still cuts away at me as if they were. If it gets to the point where it makes me feel like I don't want to come into work then I will report it as my employer has pretty robust procedures in place and its a large office - hard for a clique to form against you without one forming the other way. I hope things improve for you.
Ugh. What a bunch of BS... Things like this make me mad and hurtful. It always happens to decent people because the f***tards can't get their crap together and be curteous to people slightly different than them. This is why we need to educate people. (*hug*) I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. If I could make it better I would.
I'm really sorry about that (*hug*) Looking for another job might be the best thing for you, it sounds like a pretty unhealthy environment to be caught in. In the meantime, if you know that you'll be getting out of that situation soon enough (while you're searching for a new job), keeping your head down might be a good way to go about getting through it. It's not right that people are acting so offensively, but especially if you think you could end up targeted if you complain, it's more important right now to keep yourself safe than to try and change something that might not be changeable.
I am sort of stuck at work for now. I have to have a procedure next month so I really can't go from one job to another for now. If I do it will be considered a preexisting condition and I may have to wait a year of so to get it done. Ironically there is a manager who's mom is a lesbian and has a partner. They came in a month ago and bought a car together. If this was any other manager I might go and talk to them but this guy hates everyone and I never got along with him.
Tough situation, Ed. I have been there and understand. First, with respect to finding a new job and your concern about insurance coverage, if you have insurance now and no gap in coverage, your new job’s insurance should still cover pre-existing conditions. That exclusion generally no longer exists. There is no easy answer for the work situation. I think you are right that an anonymous complaint will not likely change things and may only make it worse. Often, there are people who make homophobic comments without realizing that they are actually hurting someone they know. Once they learn one of their friends or family members are gay, they stop, feel ashamed and sometimes apologize. It may be that coming out will actually improve things. Are you able to sit down with the manager who has a lesbian mother and get his/her thoughts confidentially? One big question to ask yourself is whether you will experience this at the next dealership you go to, if you leave. I seem to recall you saying at some point that this is common in the auto sales industry. If so, leaving may not solve your problem. Perhaps you should again rethink whether it is time for you to come out at work. If you think so, I am sure we can come up with some thoughts on how to do it. I know this would not be easy for you, but it may be time to seriously consider it.
I don't think I could talk to the manager that has a mother who is a lesbian. I hardly talk to him except for work. We never got along and I don't trust him at all. I pretty much decided that I am going to look for a new job after New Years. Until then I am going to just keep to myself. I am out to a couple of people at work but I am not going to talk about my personal life with them antmore. I just don't want to chance the wrong person finding out I am gay. If they do within a a day or so everyone will find out. There are a number of imature people I work with and they can be quite rude and nasty.
If there are people who are rude and nasty, they need to be put in their place! If they're being openly and intentionally offensive towards their other coworkers, they need to be dismissed. I wouldn't want to work for a place that lets people get away with that. You really shouldn't be fearful at work. What's the worst that could happen? I tend to agree with s5m1 - that most of the inappropriate comments would likely stop if they knew you were gay and that you found them offensive. Even if just one of those people were given cause to think twice about what they were saying you'd have accomplished something.
The problem is that I think I am the only one that is offened by the remarks. If I tried to put the offenders in their place they would just laugh it off. Like I said is there is a bunch of imature people I work with. The managers are not better. For instance, yesterday a coworker pretended to be one of my customers from over the weekend and cranked called me. I thought it was the customer and went to my manager to work out some numbers. The coworker saw me talking to my manager then came up to me and said it was him that called me. It made me look a fool in front of him. My manager could tell I was pissed and told me that I just need to keep my sence of humor. Like I said I don't think I would be physically harmed or anything but I think I may be subjected to more pranks and people would make remarks about me behind my back like they do with the openly gay guy at my work. I have more self respect than to put up with that.
Is there anyone in your workplace who also seems similiarly standoffish when confronted with the behavior? You might try observing, seeing if there's anyone else who was also bothered by the behavior...even one other person to at least talk to about this might at least give you someone to talk to, maybe come up with a game plan for how to address the situation in a constructive manner so that the behavior stops.
No one else seems to be offended by the remarks. There have been time when some of the guys have said crude remarks about female anatomy or their sexcapades in front of the receptionists and saleswomen. Non of them flinch they just laugh it off. One saleswoman said 'boys will be boys' when I told her that what what they were doing was pretty immature. The only thing that I can think of is talking to the saleswoman that I am out to and tell here that I don't feel comfortable anymore in talking about my private life with her.
Irrelevant. I still say you need to come out. Come out and make it plain that you've had enough of the shenanigans. Chances are that if you put it in plain enough language, they'll figure it out and let it go. You're in MA, right? If you come out and the management tries something stupid, you can go after them legally.
Xequar, I see what you are saying. Even if I did decide to come out fully at work I am not to sure how to go about it. There are a couple of guys there that like to play mind games and are not shy in saying so. There is a lot of time on our hands and they like to come up with things to keep them self occupied. There have been times when management have told us too be careful on what we say because of you never know who, meaning customers is around. It seems to work for a day or two then resumes like nothing was said.
hi, i feel for you and the tough situation you are in. Personally, i think i will only come out to my closet colleagues only. Not everyone at work needs to know your sexual orientation! With regards to getting offended, i generally shrug it off because a lot of people do not understand or accept us gays. i only get offended if they know that i am gay and still make those homophobic remarks, which shows how disrespectful they are to me.
