Just looking for some insight to something that has been bothering me since I first started questioning my sexuality. If I am gay, and I understand there is a spectrum to sexuality, and not everyone is 100% one way or the other. Then how come I still get and got turned on by girls? I mean I can remember plenty of times, kissing/making out with girls and getting aroused..... Plenty of times checking girls out in public, on fb, online, etc.... I can't really remember thinking this about guys, but maybe I was just rolling with what I thought was right. I still check out girls and get aroused, but now I notice guys too, and think things about guys, where I woulda freaked out before if I had such a thought. Some days girls seem to set me on fire, other days guys. Also, nearly every relationship I've been in I ended for apparently no reason.... some times it was because I couldn't see the relationship going any further, other times I was just wanting out. The last one I broke up with the girl because I started questioning myself sexually, not to mention the shitty situation I was in with asshole roomates. I felt I could not put her through the whole, faking a relationship, getting her heart set on me and then breaking it off. Which I think I kinda did anyway, I was just trying to keep it from dragging on. What's weird is I still think about her often.... if I see a girl that looks similar, or smell something that reminds me of her, day dream back to laying next to her and touching/embracing her in bed. It's nutty I feel like I've made my self sick over trying to figure this thing out. I want to just experience some lovin' I don't really care who male/female, I just need something/someone. I guess I keep landing on bi, but I have this wierd thing, paranoia I guess, where I feel like I can hear what people around me are thinking. Sometimes it will happen randomly and I'll feel like I can hear them saying this is gay, or he's gay, or laughing about me. Sometimes it will be set off from hearing someone make a stupid homophobic comment in class. Other times I'm at a party, usually pretty drunk or stoned and It'll start. I was convinced for a while it was from smoking, but I cut that and drinking completely out of my life for some time and it was still happening. It used to really really bother me but I've started to kind of let it go and ignore it when it starts because if I freak out about it, things only get worse. I try my hardest to never let it show visibly. I keep it to myself but sometimes I have to make escapes from events or situations when I start feeling really uncomfortable and just kind of disappear without letting anyone know. Sometimes for weeks :icon_redf I was diagnosed with bipolar, which is supposedly genetic in my moms side of the family, due to battles with depression and then mania. I imagine some of the symptoms I just described are from the bipolar. Sometimes I wonder if this whole battle for my sexuality is what caused it, because it always seems to be at the root of the depression and to some extent the mania. I'm on meds now but hate the idea of being stuck on some stuff that makes me feel like a zombie for the rest of my life. I guess I'm just venting but would really appreciate some one else's view into the situation and welcome questions and comments. Whatever happens I'm really glad I found this place and everyone on here, though I don't know most of you well, it's helped me a great deal and made me realize just how great people can be :icon_bigg
While I'm pretty secure in the knowledge that I am gay, there are days (today was one, for instance) where I will still notice the occasional female. As I was going into the student union building today, I saw a cute girl come out. Bushy hair, cute face...I was attracted to her. But I know I could never have a real relationship with her. (Incidentally, a few minutes later I was walking up the stairs behind a woman and I barely glanced at her ass...) Maybe you are bi. Or maybe you're not. Personally...I wouldn't worry about it.
i wouldent worry about it your normal fine you are just able to appreciate the human body beeing pansexual is jsut ahh when it comes tonoticing peopel or not most of teh time i feel nothing when i see people then sometimes i do ...its weird. but c'ais la vais
Okay, this will be a long reply: I know exactly what you're going through, as I went through it at the end of October. "I can't be gay cause I'm into chicks!" was what I used to tell myself to convince myself that I was straight. Unfortunately neither answer was really right as both are mutually exclusive, so now if asked if I'm into men or women I just answer "yes". :smilewave This is about your outlook on yourself, not your friends outlook on you. It's called "internal homophobia" and it's what kept me from following my more bisexual tendencies, or even deny they existed. Working through them and becoming comfortable with what I am has been hard, but let me tell you that it's extremely rewarding. Hehehe, I know what that's like. :lol: Alcohol lowers inhibitions and to many people are made horny by weed so the combination of the two are a surefire way to bring those types of behaviours up... but I think you have a good idea that those tendencies are truly there in the first place, being drunk or stoned only makes you notice them more. So my advice is to keep thinking on this and talking about it and exploring what it means to you. You know you're into guys and tried the whole "what if I'm gay" thing and found out you missed girls... maybe you're just into both to some degree and leave it at that. Just know you're not the only guy going through this type of thing.
Although I am 100% positive that I am exclusively into males. I'll still look at the occasional female, though. I definitely appreciate female beauty, but I'm not turned on by it, if that makes any sense at all. I doubt it.
You shouldn't worry about putting a lable on your sexuality. Just go with the flow, and do what feels right at the time. If you're attracted to guys one day and girls the next then so be it. But you can't stop yourself from being in a relationship just because you're afraid that one day you might not be attracted to that person. If that day comes, and you've givin it a lot of thought, then you should move on. Nothing is worth more than your own happiness. That might sound selfish, but if you are in a relationship with someone who you aren't attracted to then it's really not fair to either of you. Enjoy life, and if you're going to stop smoking or drinking then let it be for a cause worth while, not a fight with your own sexuality
Thanks guys, this isn't the first time I've posted something similar to this and it probably won't be the last, but I always end up feeling better when I read everyone's responses. All I know is I cannot go in one direction only, it just doesn't seem right for me. Lately I've just been doing my best to let things be and keep the attitude that whatever happens happens. Whomever I catch my self staring at during some particular time of the day whether it be male or female does not matter. If I end up falling in love with a guy then so be it, if I end up falling in love with a girl then so be it. I guess I'm peter like pan(sexual) cause I could go for the wiener or the clam! Who knows where my life will lead I only hope it is filled with people halfway as decent and caring as everyone on this board :icon_bigg:smilewave
Well, if I were you, i'd just go with the flow and see where life takes you. Fall for whoever you fall for, go wherever you end up. That kind of thing always makes it a bit less stressful for me, especially recently when I found out this girl ive been falling for and im sure she likes me too, is being sent away to a "special" hospital. So as I said before, go with the flow and dont worry too much, it'll all work out in the end. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Never regret anything because once, it was what you wanted"
