ive always been somewhat selfish and known it. i figured everyone is selfish up to some point and never wanted to change myself. but a few days ago, out of the blue, i came to the realization of exactly how selfish i am. and its not good. For example i see and get that everyone has their own beliefs and that i have mine but the way i was looking at it was completely wrong. I thought that my views were right for me and that everyone else were right for them, so i never gave theirs a chance. i almost saw it like "i have my own views so everyone elses dont matter". i feel horrible about this and it rips me apart to see how ive been acting and thinking. i now see this and wanna change it but the thing is, i dont know how. I know theres no exact answer for this question but any suggestions or advice would be great.
First of all, I think that to an extent everyone views things as you do, I know that I do sometimes. We all think, in many situations that although there may be one multiple sets of beliefs, but that ours is the best, at least for us. I think part of the answer might be that you have to understand that the way you view the world, is part of how you grew up and it is, at least in part, the way you were taught to view the world. So you can't really blame yourself, and you shouldn't. I don't know if maybe a way to see various beliefs and views is to learn more about them. I think that is why we stick to our own beliefs, because they are what we know the most about and they are what we are most comfortable with. So maybe if you learn more about other views, you will be more comfortable with them. I may be totally off the mark with my advice but I hope that it helps.
Don't feel like you're alone. I for one often find myself not only thinking that my views are correct for me, but that everyone would be wise to share them as well. Luckily, I have taken a wonderfully enlightening history class at my university this semester. The class is taught by an amazing professor who has gently challenged many of my personal ideas about the world. I have come to realize that an intelligent person will not only treat claims that other people make with a bit of scholarly skepticism, but will be open to allowing others and themselves to treat their own views similarly. This can only be beneficial to oneself in that your views will either be reaffirmed or refined and made better. I think that too many people (including myself much of the time) care about being "right" or "wrong" and they forget that the goal should be to pursue greater knowledge and understanding. Furthermore, I think people are so worried that if they are "wrong" it will somehow reflect badly on them...when it doesn't. We just have to remind ourselves that it's not about us being wrong or right, it's about gaining understanding of the world.
I think you've stumbled onto something which almost all of us realize as we get older - we don't have a monopoly on being right. I think the poster above makes a good point too, about how their views were challenged by a university professor. I think a lot of us meet people who make us take a hard look at some of the things we believe and question if they are still the right choices. These are people we respect or admire - whose opinions we value. Conversely, not everyone has, to quote an old history professor of mine, "earned the right to speak". In other words, not everyone's opinion on every issue is valid and you don't have to alter your views because of them. (That sounds elitist, but bear with me here). A lot of people have opinions. Less of them have informed opinions. Evaluate the other person's views in the light of their knowledge or thought on an issue. Frequently when asked my thoughts on something, I will respond that I don't know enough about subject X to have an opinion. I think the hallmark of an intelligent and mature person is the ability to both admit when they are wrong, and to change their opinions (or have their opinions evolve) based on their information. Not to become political, but I was (and to a degree remain), highly skeptical about human-induced climate change. However, I moved from being someone who could have been accurately described as a "cimate-change denier" to somebody who wants to find solutions that work in tandem to help the environment while supporting the economy. This is a huge mindset shift for me. I also used to think that people who believed in God and religion were, to be blunt, delusional. I am now someone who goes to church regularly and who appreciates having religion be part of my life. There is a surety of youth that affects all of us - it will change over time. But good for you for figuring that out at 16.
congradulations! You've just taken your first few steps into adulthood (that is a big deal, most people never leave their teenage mentality behind). As far as advice goes for how to change, take a concious look at yourself in your everyday life. If you see you actting in your old way or thinking your old thoughts, make a concious decision to stop. Eventually, this will become your new way of thinking.
I agree! I've seen people give up everything they have (marriages, money, lovers, friends, decency) just to be right...then they wonder why they are so miserable, after all they are right and everyone else is totally wrong. it is something to think about.
I um... third this? That's not the right word but you know what I mean. Just keep open to experiences and realize that other people have different view points and some never grow up to learn this. It's called empathy and the ability to slip into someone's shoes, if only for a moment. It can be a depressing "gift" at times to have but it shows reality for what it is, and soemtimes it can be beautiful. :icon_wink
