So lately I’ve noticed a pattern with the people around, both gay and straight: it seems that people get together, break up, then hate each other. Is this really the pattern of relationships? Does breaking up always have to lead to hatred? I’m know that can’t always be the case, but it just seems to be the more occurring one. So share your thoughts with me on this subject, or just share a story. I really just want people’s input. Are people just in it for the thrill then when the thrill is gone is there only negative feelings? Or, is it people just expect relationships to easy then when they find out there is effort involved they get pissed and call it quits?
I can't say too much, because I have only been in one serious relationship. The few girls I dated in high-school I am still good friends with, but I think that's different since I am gay. To attempt to answer your question though...people are so complex, and have so many motivations that it's difficult to figure out what is really going through another person's mind. If I had to guess a common problem based on what I have observed in my friends, I would say this: I think the main problem is a combination of what you said (about people not realizing relationships require work) and people not wanting to admit that they have serious faults and/or that the other person has faults that they can't always hide. Finally, being in love obviously you extremely vulnerable and makes it very easy for the person you are in love with to hurt you, and for you to be hurt. While I never intend to break up with my boyfriend, I would hope that if something did happen, we could remain friends.
I think it's because both parties are either not grown up enough in the relationship in the first place and did not have good communication throughout it, were intoxicated when they broke up, or some other reason I cannot fathom. In my opinion, I'm on pretty good terms with all my exs (even ex bfs before I came out to myself and started dating girls according to my attractions). There's only one ex I can really say that doesn't talk or left things in a bitchy state. She just turned 19, was spending rent $ on booze and letting her friend pay for their rent food... (Glad I got outta there and didn't lend her any money... I know where that would have lent. Although... I did lose a pair of skinny jeans because of it--She threw them out. What a mature lady eh?) I always enter a relationship, hoping to have a friendship with the woman first and then stress communication. Don't go to bed angry. Ever. Even if it's late. Trust me. You won't sleep well, and you'll have longer to let it boil your blood. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
I pretty much concur. I think that a lot of the time it's easier to be angry than to make peace with things and try to reconstruct friendship or simply let things go. It's taken me nine months to get to a place where I feel like I can be friends with the woman I loved. There was definitely anger in there, in the early days, owing to a LOT of confusion and feelings of betrayal, and I remember wishing that I could just hate her...but I couldn't. I loved her, and I loved her as a friend long before I LOVED her. So...it was harder, allowing that, but ultimately better for both of us. There's enough hate in this world as it is, without turning on the people who have meant things to us. All that said...as Raeoflite mentioned...maturity plays a role. Sometimes people are just immature (or dumb) and you miss the immaturity (dumbness) when you get caught up in the fun infatuation stuff to begin with, and it all comes out rather unattractively in the end.
Depends on age and what really went down. Its sometimes awkward to be friends with your exes .... "If they ask why, why, tell 'em that is human nature." -- MJ )
I think it's difficult because sometimes when you break up it really hurts you. And, for example, if the person cheated on you or did some other bad thing, people probably have a lot of anger towards that person for doing that to them and hurting them the way they did. And you probably wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that afterwards. And, you might still feel a grudge towards them. And sometimes when people are in love, they are blind (as the saying goes), and when something happens that causes people to break up, the person might realize thats not the person they really want to be friends with (ie an abusive partner)... Anyways I think it's mostly the anger the people feel when someone hurts them. And, as said above, the awkwardness. And sometimes your feelings don't completely go away, and it's easier to be angry at them then staying friends... it's hard to be friends with someone who you still love. I don't think it's childish to be mad at someone whom you've dated. I don't think it's because people are immature. It's only immature if you do stupid things because you're angry at them that ruin someone's property or hurts someone.
people break up for various reasons, but often its down to misunderstanding and lack of communication. and then they hate eachother because they blame eachother for not being able to keep the relationship fresh and open.
Wanna know what I've been noticing with breakups? Aside from me getting dumped all the time (not yet with my relationship but if it ever happens which I'm hoping doesn't, I'll probably get dumped again...again though, really doubt that will happen ) Anyway to my point, I've been noticing that both straight and gay, relationships are breaking apart all over the world. Tiger Woods is just one example, but like couples who I thought would be together for a long time are all of a sudden extinguished, and it's just like...whoa where did that come from?! It's just sad that it's happening all over now....
It's theoretically possible, but I've never remained friends with an ex. Truth be told, I hate each one of them in some way. Let's see... There was the cheater, the liar, the unstable one, and one that just kinda broke my heart. And truth be told, I don't deal in sadness. If something makes me sad, that sadness usually turns to anger. As far as I'm concerned, most of my exes can take a long walk off a short pier.
