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Content but Troubled

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Revan, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. Revan

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    Hey everyone. So my situation is this: I've met this great guy and we're boyfriends now. He's just one of those guys you don't find except once in a blue moon. The reason my subject title however says "troubled" is because of myself, not him. I'm loving being in this relationship, but I'm finding it not difficult but different at how laid back he is. I've talked to friends and they just say that it happens, sometimes because the guy is so laid back you can't help but think "are they planning something?" or "is something going to happen to us?" but the case is it's the whole opposite.

    For example, today when I was texting with him I apologized for being kind of a weirdo this week and he said "I didn't see it that way at all" (please note that this week my phone's been on the fritz and he's been getting texts I send about 2-3 hours after I send them. I finally got it fixed today though.) Though I also noticed a few texts i sent like joking about getting him antifreeze for his car for Christmas received no lol or anything of a text back (please also note he was playing Call of Duty at the time too) but when I said I'm heading to bed and I would hopefully talk to him tomorrow, he responded "Cool, goodnight." Now of course being texts it's hard to tell if he said that as if he were saying 'yeah talk to you tomorrow, sleep tight' or 'thank God he's going to bed, now i can play COD more'. I mean I'm sure it's the former, but still being me I'm just reading into it so much....

    So my question for you all is, what is the best advice you can give me. Whether it's relaxation techniques, things not to do, etc.

    Please note one last time, we've been together nearly two weeks, so I think me thinking this is just me being silly, and I'm not doubting the relationship, it's just in the past I've had such annoying uptight boyfriends that I've put up a guard on myself thinking no one is going to look past my autism and just see me for me which is probably what my boyfriend is doing. But yeah...advice would be much appreciated as I would like to preferably continue this relationship as long as it can possibly go.

    ((Why can't it be easy like in Twilight? lol))
     
  2. paco

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    you sound like you're just stressing cause you like him a lot, its kinda cute. i'm kinda jealous.

    don't worry too much if he's just naturally really relaxed. its probably not that he doesnt care about you, he just doesnt feel that he needs to prove it, you're already going out so just trust him unless it becomes an actual problem i guess.

    and from what i've seen of guys playing call of duty is that it consumes them, and they can't think of anything outside the game. the fact that he responds at all is a huge compliment.

    congrats on the new boyfriend. hope all works out well.
     
  3. azrae1

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    interesting post, i also had same situation like urs but it turned in a bad direction, my advice would be just continue with your life and don't fall deeply inlove with him, because he could hurt u or so.. i am not saying he is dumping you or anything , but because its only been 2 weeks just watch out and don't invest much feelings in him because u will get hurt later..
     
  4. Filip

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    Well, people have differing attitudes when it comes to texting and messaging. You probably just put way more thought in it than he does. For you it's an affirmation of the brelationship, while for him it's just a way to give status updates, like a personal twitter.
    That doesn't say anything about your relationship, but more about how you approach communication with each other. It's just a matter of different styles.

    I think it's best to try to not overanalyse every text. The impression I get is that everytime you get a message, your thoughts are: "what does this mean for our relationship? Is he getting bored with me? Oh dear, should I have sent that last text?" etc.
    I'm pretty sure, however, that if he would want to tell you things about the relationship, he wouldn't do so in cryptic messages hidden in when and how he texts. And if he doesn't text back, it's possibly because he's busy with something else. Even when in a relationship, people do have other stuff to do than texting back whenever they get a message :wink:

    How not to overanalyse is of course another matter entirely. Communication style is probably something you have to get used to as the relationship evolves anyway.
    How much time do you usually take between texting him? Maybe it's best to not inundate him with small texts, and only text once every two to three hours at most. I usually always wait to get a reply to one text before I text someone else back. That way I'm sure the other person read my previous texts to begin with.

    And how often do you meet up? If you feel texting stresses you out, it might be best to avoid texting overmuch and just enjoy it when you meet him.
    If this bothers you so much, you might just want to bring it up with him when you meet him. Boyfriends should definitely be able to discuss something like this honestly. Just mention that you aren't sure if you're bothering him by texting him, and see what his opinion on the matter is.

    The most important thing is probably to forget about how your previous relationships went. You can learn from them, but focus on the guy you're with right now, and not about how it's different or similar from previous relationships. If he doesn't seem to mind your autism, and doesn't make a big deal of it, then don't second-guess him. He loves you and you love him, and that's all that matters!

    And, lol, easy like in Twilight? We are talking about the books where a human girl gets caught in a love triangle with a vampire and a werewolf, right? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Revan

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    I was more talking about loving someone so much they're part of your existence. That I wouldn't mind much.
     
  6. kramer362

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    A lot of emphasis' in text messages get lost in translation because you would need to hear the person's voice to really get their meaning. As for not responding, sometimes I do that myself. It isn't because I'm annoyed but because I generally don't like to use "lol" as some empty response, I like to say it if I actually find something amusing. But saying just "oh" sounds rude doesn't it? Just don't look into it too much or overanalyze because coming across as needy within the first 2 weeks is a turnoff for most guys, especially an easygoing guy.

    This guy you're seeing actually sounds a lot like myself. To someone like me, there's a lot of comfort just knowing someone is there to support me if I need it, but when apart I tend to do my own thing. It doesn't mean this guy is necessarily like that, or cold or anything, but some people like to save the fun for when you're together in person :icon_bigg
    Certain personality types like their space and don't need to keep in contact constantly. It isn't an insult, it's just someone being different from you.
     
  7. Revan

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    Okay guys thanks :slight_smile: I think I'm calming down now, but I really appreciate it :slight_smile:
     
  8. Just Adam

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    i think from what others said your sorted so all ill say is woop codXD lol

    perhaps u should get into cod lol somthign to do together get a headset and chat while u shoot people in the head XD
     
  9. Revan

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    lol yeah. I'm having a problem now people....I texted him last night, said how i missed him and he responded saying he missed me to. And now I haven't heard from him since 9PM last night, it's 9:30PM now. I tried calling him once today and texted him once, nothing. Is it time for me to start worrying since him and I are suppose to hang tomorrow?
     
  10. TroubledRyan

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    hmmm,Don't worry,he could have had a very busy day,tomarow,like I really dont know when you are meeting up,but try to get a hold of him a few hours befor you meet up,if you still dont get a reply,then you might want to worry a little,but not like he is running from you,most people dont do that,he just may be very busy,or somthing may have happened to his family
     
  11. Revan

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    Yeah....Well just letting you know we're meeting at midnight tomorrow (so not in one and a half hours, but yeah he works 4pm till midnight so my last chance to contact him is tomorrow before 4....
     
  12. Revan

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    Sorry to trouble everyone the past weekend, but umm....everything's okay now.....sorry :frowning2:
     
  13. Mickey

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    Honey...don't obsess. You'll drive yourself crazy! ( I have a tendency to do that,so I KNOW!)
    Just enjoy each other and try not to worry so much.
    And...I agree with another poster, DON'T compare him with your past relationships! As you know,everybody is different and so are relationships.
    I wish you the best. Just RELAX,sweetie! And give yourself time to get used to this amazing,laid back guy.
     
  14. Revan

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    Umm guys, is it okay that I haven't heard from him since 12:30AM Friday morning, and it's now....12:15PM Monday?
     
  15. Jim1454

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    It would be unusual for my boyfriend and I to not have communicated for an entire weekend. But we've been together for 2 years.

    Every relationship is different. But if you're not comfortable with the way things are, then you need to tell him. Simply be honest. "When I don't hear from you all weekend, I feel _______ , because ________ ." You aren't criticizing him, you're just telling him how his actions (or lack there of) make you feel.
     
  16. Revan

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    K...it's just he won't answer his phone, won't respond to his texts...anything. I'm just trying to be positive but it's kinda hard not to worry...
     
  17. Revan

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    Finally texted. Sigh...I have to stop going over the top...he just leaves his cell wherever though so it's kind of annoying >_<
     
  18. Jim1454

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    The next time you're together you should totally tell him that this bothered you, and that you'd really appreciate being able to talk to him more often.
     
  19. Revan

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    Yeah...hope he understands.
     
  20. flymetothemoon

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    I'm sure he will understand if you just explain that you aren't mad at him or anything, but that you really want to be able to talk to him more often and that you get concerned when you don't hear from him at all for so long.