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Okay... When did that happen?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Roxas101, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. Roxas101

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    Hey hey.

    Well, I'm back again. So... I went to the youth group thing I talked about in my last post. I have to say, that despite my nervousness about going it was a whole lot of fun and I met some great people. All in all? It probably was one of the best ideas I've had in a while. ^^ Me and one of my friends went (she is Bi... No she is not on here.) and we had an awesome time. After the youth group we went out to a nearby gay bar/place, which was entirely new for me, but also pretty fun. (No, I didn't drink. Yay for legality.)

    So, why am I posting in the support/advice thread again? Well, that's a good point. To cut a long story short... I've had no less than 3 different guys ask me if I want to go out/go somewhere with them in like... under a week. Seriously. WHAT THE H***? To go from like, next to nothing to that in such a short time frame is a bit of a leap for me. One of the guys wasn't even FROM the youth group, and had like... nothing to do with it at all. He actually goes to my school. How weird is that? Anyways. Question time.

    1. How do I get rid of a guy without seeming like a complete and utter jerk?
    2. What do you reckon I should do?
    3. Is this type of thing normal? I kind of get that people are attracted to the newbies, but it's still something of a... Culture shock? For me.
     
  2. Pseudojim

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    1 - Just be honest. Or say something like "I'm really sorry, i'm sure you're a nice guy, but i'm not looking to complicate my life at the moment... Maybe some other time though"

    people won't be offended by something that's gentle and honest

    as for the rest, i'm not sure! i'll let a better advisor help there =)

    you're doing great though!
     
  3. x2x2x2x2y2

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    2- I say do what feels rite. If you wanna go out with one or all of them, do it, if you're ready. My two cents.
     
  4. Cracked Actor

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    1. HONESTY

    2. Whatever you want, you can start dating if you wish to. ^^

    3. Meh, if you're cute it's normal. ;]
     
  5. paco

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    sounds like you must be some kind of hottie :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    honesty is gonna have to be the one. it's not being mean and its better than leading them on for sure. and if you don't know them well, then it wont hurt too much anyway, it would be way worse if you waited for later.
     
  6. Filip

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    First of all, congrats on going to the youth group. And nice to hear it went well. Going to a gay gathering for the first time can be massively stressful...

    As for your questions: I'd say the following:

    1. Honesty is indeed the best approach here. If you don't want to go out or go somewhere, then just let them know. Try to be casual and say "sorry, but I'm not interested in going out at the moment". If they get really insistent, you could even go with the slightly more direct: "You're just not my type, and I don't think it would work out". It's not the answer they want to hear, obviously, but it doesn't make you a jerk either. And if they can't handle polite rejection, they're definitely not the kind of guys you'd want to go out with anyway.

    2. What you should do depends on what you want to do. Would you wish to get to know any of these guys better? Does any of them strike you as a potential friend to hang out with? If not, then just decline. If yes, then you could just take them up on the offer, and go have a drink. If things don't click then, you're still in no way obliged to keep hanging out! Just don't feel pressured to do anything. It's not your responsability to give them a fun night out. Fun nights should happen because you click, not because you feel pressured to do what other people want you to do.
    In any case, if you ever take anyone up on the offer, having a first night out in a public place is preferable to have it somewhere secluded.

    3. As far as I can see, yes, it is pretty normal. It's really hard (not to mention unsafe, in some cases) to just ask a random cute guy in the streets if he's gay and would wish to go out, so some people who are single, in a GLBT group or a gay bar, and looking for someone to date tend to get pretty date-happy if a new face comes in. Some people really feel as if it's their only chance to get a date, ever, so that brings out their most active side in asking people out, I guess.
    That doesn't mean all people in similar settings are like that, but there are several who are like that, yes. It's a bit of a culture shock, maybe, but it's pretty harmless anyway.
     
  7. Roxas101

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    Everyone keeps saying that... Lol.

    Anyways... Update! Okay. Well, I kind of nicely (well, as nicely as you can...) told 2 out of 3 'Thanks but no thanks'. I don't think one of them really got the whole 'I'm not interested' bit, but hopefully it'll get through sooner or later.

    As for number 3... Well... I took a bit of a plunge and said yes after quite some thought. This guy, who we will call Jake for simplicities sake, (I'm not gonna mention real names, as I kinda value internet safety...) actually seems pretty nice and genuine, which is important for me I guess. But yeah, cutting a long story short, I met up with him for coffee and we talked quite a bit, one thing led to another, and it seems I now have a boyfriend! (!)

    Probably a little bit sudden... But I genuinely seem to like him, so I guess I'm happy for now. I was like.... ridiculously happy after our date, so I guess that's a good thing.

    Thanks for all the advice guys? It was pretty helpful. A big thanks to Filip in particular, that was one epic'ly long reply. Thanks bud. ^^
     
  8. Ander Blue

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    Hooray! :thumbsup: way to get 'em. I'm glad that that whole situation worked out for you, sounds like you handled wonderfully
     
  9. adam88

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    Way to go! I'm always glad to see stories here work out. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Filip

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    Talk about a sudden development... Congrats on the boyfriend. And I'd call feeling ridiculously happy a good sign :icon_wink

    Well, thanks for the thanks :wink: I fear I tend to go overboard in writing essays instead of replies sometimes. But it's nice to know it helped!
     
  11. x2x2x2x2y2

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    Congrats!! That's awesome!! :slight_smile: I want a bf!!