God, I don't know how I can put up with this for much longer. I don't want this and I never did anything to deserve it. The truly good are punished. When I was younger, I would try to convince myself that it was a test. If I could make it through another year of torture, it would get better and I would benefit greatly from it. It's been so long since then. I always used to just lay in bed for hours and silently cry for some kind of help. Since then, I've lost my faith in just about everything. I know that no kind of God would allow this or anything like it. I truly feel that things couldn't get worse than this. I know that she doesn't care for anyone, not even herself. I've suffered a meaningless existence for so long because of her numbness. I can't even convince myself that she wants to quit. If she weren't like this, I know that I would have turned out to be so different. It's almost as if she's decided what I would be. I can't tell if I ever had any free will. I just want it to stop. I'll do anything to end it. All I wish for is some degree of normalcy or consistency. Maybe it's too much to ask. It's probably just greed. I need to just stop being so optimistic about things, maybe. At this point, I know it has to be me. No one else would be feeling the way I do.
If you are at the point where you can't deal with her anymore, you have a few different options. 1. Go live with a close family member 2. Report her to social services 3. Live with a friend (if possible) I dealt with a stepmother who was an alcoholic, and I know how frustrating and hurtful it can be. I hope things get better ^^ .
There's a group called Alateen, which is specifically set up for teens whose parents are alcoholics. I would highly suggest looking for an Alateen in your area. It's a great resource, they teach you how to deal with living with an alcoholic, as well as give you resources and support for the experiences you're having. If you can't find a listing, check local AA meeting listings and get in touch with a contact for AA in your area, and they should be able to put you in touch with either an Alateen or an Al-Anon (which is the same as Alateen but generally more geared toward adults.) As Swamp56 said, living with an alcoholic is pretty awful, and there's always a part of you that gets wrapped up in their drama, particularly when you are younger and at least somewhat reliant on them. But one thing I can tell you: who YOU are doesn't have to be dictated by who she is, or her disease. I'm quite sure it's miserable now, but you can and will overcome the difficulties you've experienced with her, and ultimately, the difficulties of growing up with an alcoholic can, in the long term, help you to become a stronger person. If you can't find Alateen resources, PM me and I will help locate some resources for you.
Oh wow, I know how you feel. I really, really know how you feel, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. My mom is the same way. She's a serious alcoholic with equally serious mental issues, and it'd probably be generous to say that she's only mentally "all there" one or two days each week. She can swear she's going to quit one day and then literally 30 minutes later will be screaming (as in, literally screaming and fighting) my dad to get her some beer. It's completely out of control. I've definitely spent many nights crying myself to sleep over it, just begging for it all to stop, but it doesn't, and it's probably the worst thing I've ever dealt with. I fully agree with this. You should NEVER give up hope. The fact that your mother's life is screwed up does NOT mean yours has to be. Now I'm not devoutly religious or anything, but I personally believe that everything happens for a reason, and eventually I might turn out to be a better person because of all this even if it seems unbearable now. I can't stop hoping that there WILL be a better future for me someday, and that's really the only thing that keeps me going. I'm sorry I don't have any substantial advice. But I want you to know that you're definitely not alone and I can completely empathize with everything you're going through right now. If you ever need to talk about it, feel free to PM me anytime. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
Alateen. Look them up. Call them. Talk to someone there. THAT is what you need. It's very unfortunate that your mom can't get her act together, but you can't control her. You can only impact what you do. And in the absence of her help, get help from someone else.
if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to pm/wall message me, i will never judge you. goodluck
I wish I had something to add to all the wonderful advice given above. I have been through the same thing, only it's with my step-dad instead. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
In addition to the recommend support groups .. stop being so hard on yourself. It is right never to give up hope. But at least for the moment it's better to give up on her. If you somehow can .. move out. ASAP .. if you report her alcoholism youth care will allow you to stay with for example your aunt or uncle or grandparents. Most alcoholics unfortunately won't do anything about their situation until they have truly hit rock bottom with nobody left. Then it is possible that they might be sincere enough to go through with a therapy, then is your time to support her again .. but even from there it is a long and bumpy road and nothing that you should try to do alone, so let me again emphasize the need for professional help here.
