Hello everyone, this is my first post. The people around me have been forcing me to pick a label for my sexuality. Only I can't do that until I know. So I've withdrawn for the third week already. I've been trying to find support online, on the phone and in person but haven't had much luck. I feel my gender identity is the real issue here. I feel I am gender fluid. I was able to tell this to my ex-girlfriend two weeks ago and I think it broke both of our hearts. She has been real supportive and sweet with me, though. Meanwhile I calm my anxiety with some pills. I am tired of reading only without being able to talk to people who understand. I think I've confused myself so much that I don't feel attracted to either men or women now. I hope I can talk more about this with some of you and help me figure things out. Thanks.
Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm gald you have joined. EC is a great support community. First off, congratulations on coming out to your ex-girlfriend. That's huge. It is something to be proud off. I am glad that she is supportive and is perhaps the first person who understands (from a distance) a little bit of what it must like for you to go through all of this. This isn't easy stuff. (*hug*) I think a good idea would be to talk to a counselor. The reason being, sometimes we have to listen to ourselves speak out loud everything we are thinking and feeling about ourselves in order to make sense of things. Everything you say is kept confidential so you don't have to worry about anything. A counselor is also an important part of your support system. A counselor can guide you through the process of figuring everything out and make sure that you are on the right path. If you are in school, try talking to someone there or in the larger community. Figuring out your sexuality or with what gender you feel most comfortable with can take time. Try to take note of changes in your feelings and thoughts about your sexuality and gender. Identities (no matter what kind of an identity we are talking about) are fluid and can change over time. As you take note of things you will start figuring things out. Try to go slow at it, as it can (as you have perhaps realized) can become overwhelming at times. Another thing you could try is perhaps calling a few help lines in your area, and/or you could also try joining a LGBT support group in your area. Maybe start with school, and see if there is a LGBT group. If not, try your community. Maybe try doing some online searchers and see what you can find. Talking to others about your experiences and listening to others who have gone through similar experiences can really help. Gaining insights into how others have dealt with it can open up new paths that you might not have thought about yet. Whatever gender you embrace and/or sexual identity you feel most comfortable with, always remember that at the end of the day you will be the one who will know so much more about yourself which will allow you to form new relationships and new views that not many people have. You don't have to pick a label. If others ask you to pick a label tell them that they should give it a rest because you need to figure it out not them. Always remember though to take it slow and to follow what feels right to you. If something doesn't feel right, take a step back. There is no rush. I hope this helps a bit.
Don't let anyone force you to make a decision on something you aren't sure of. That would be like someone demanding you to pick a car before you have even browsed the car lot. If anyone asks what your sexuality or gender identity is, just tell them that it's your own business. If it's someone close like a parent, friend, or family, you can either dodge the question or simply say that you aren't sure and you're in the process of really figuring it out too. And don't let anyone's opinion discourage you from where you may find yourself on the sexuality and gender spectra. For sexuality advice, there are plenty of threads about that. As for gender identity, it seems that you identify as "gender fluid" or "genderqueer," as do I and plenty of other people here on EC. You should check out the thread below to see just how not-alone you are! http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29578
Hello, I see you are new to EC, so welcome . First, I think it is important that you ignore the urging of your peers to choose a "label" for you sexuality. You do not need to pick a label now, or ever. While it is important for everyone to figure out who they are, labels can over simplify a person, and are unnecessary. Perhaps for conversation's sake, it is easy to have a label to summarize an aspect of your identity, and in this matter, you may have to eventually settle. However, to know who you really are, a pre-defined label will never do you total justice. We are all created to be so complex and unique that no label perfectly fits any person. Those who love you should accept that you are unique (as we all are) and should be content to have you express yourself in the best way you know how. For instance, I have chosen to identify myself as "gay", but this label in reality does not fully describe me, or my sexuality. Like I said, the most important thing is that you know who you are. Calm down and start with some basic things: I am a son/daughter, I am a friend. Expand by thinking about what you enjoy, and what you don't...also try and think about why. I suggest maybe keeping a personal blog or something online where you can write your thoughts and feelings down. By doing this, perhaps it will be easier for you to identify what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what brings you peace, and what brings you anxiety. Don't get so stressed about trying to figure this out that you forget to enjoy the everyday things that can bring you happiness. We are constantly evolving as individuals, and are constantly trying to figure out who we are and readjust our self-image. Just take your time. You will always have people at EC who will be glad to listen to you and talk to you, but if you want to talk to someone in person, you should probably find a counselor. (*hug*)
Welcome! As others have said, figuring out your sexuality is not easy, and it should be done on YOUR timeframe, nobody else's. A lot of people want sexuality to be a binary thing, where you are either A, B or C - sexuality is much more like something along a continuum, or a line, if you will, and where you fall in that line is something you have to figure out over the course of time. Don't feel rushed into making a decision that could impact the rest of your life. Always remember something that it took me a really long time to remember...it's your life, nobody else's, so don't be afraid to tell other people to buzz off while you become contented with who you are Good luck!
Welcome!! Remember if you dont want a label, then dont have one. Other people may label you something, but its up to you whether or not you wear the label! Dont pick a label just to satisfy people.
Welcome to EC from a fellow Androgynous Gender Fluid being (*hug*) I see alot of people have already given you advice, so ill just pop by to welcome you and show you that your not alone. Lots of us on EC are Genderqueer, something i only found out myself recently. If your looking for a short term answer for someone bugging you about your sexuality, why not just tell them what you told us? You dont know. Dont feel like you have to tell them a specific answer. Most of the time any answer period is good enough for someone. Its definitely not a question with only one right answer.
