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i want to come out - 13 and depressed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by littlejack, Dec 15, 2009.

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  1. littlejack

    littlejack
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    Hi im jack HELP!ive read load of coming out stories and i think mine is odd i realised i liked guys when i was 8 and have been in "relationships" (if you can call it that) with girls :frowning2: im gay i accept that, my parents arent religious but wouldnt help me with the gay scene as they couldnt help my 16 year old brother with it(he is gay and is 17 now)and had to find his own way although my dad was better with it than mum and they were angry about that but are ok now-1thing cant talk to my bro he in hospital.
     
    #1 littlejack, Dec 15, 2009
  2. RainInAfrica

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    In a hurry so just have time to say;
    You shouldn't be under any pressure to come out. Your only 13 ( says the 15 year old, ey ? haha ) take your time. I'm not saying ''wait and be sure tat your not straight'' like you'll probably hear alot of, just wait a while.
     
    #2 RainInAfrica, Dec 15, 2009
  3. WaterGuy121

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    yeah the person above me is right

    u shouldnt feel pressure to HAVE to come out
    when ur comfortable u should

    like me, im only out to a few ppl
    cuz im not sure how everyone else would react

    so, (weird, im 13 too and im giving advice)
    but, anyways take as loooooong as u want to come out
    it's not like the worlds gonna open up and swallow u alive, if u dont :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    but the person above me is right!

    BTW, sorry if all that doesnt make sense, im not a good advice giver lol
     
    #3 WaterGuy121, Dec 15, 2009
  4. iwanttobelieve

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    I realized I was gay when I was 7, than because of my "family" I buried it for 10 years and pretended I liked Girls... not very fun, I can appreciate what your bro is going through, I had to find my own way and I am slowly still doing that, ( i live by myself and figuring out the whole gay world is different but it helps when you have people to help you with it...). pm-me if you ever need to talk, coming out is great and all, but you should only do it when it is safe to do so...
     
    #4 iwanttobelieve, Dec 15, 2009
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    Hi, Jack (assuming that's your name) and welcome to EC!

    You're definitely coming to awareness of your sexuality a little earlier than most, but you're certainly not alone in realizing your sexuality early.

    As others have said, there's no big rush to come out to others. And although your parents may not be completely supportive, at least they understand and are somewhat accepting. Depending on how long it's been since your brother came out, they may yet come around and eventually be a lot more accepting; some parents take longer than others.

    I'd also say that sexuality isn't binary or even trinary, it is a continuum, so you may find yourself somewhere on the spectrum rather than at one end, and the only way you find out is by allowing yourself to be open to the feelings you have when you're hanging with different people and seeing what sort of people you're attracted to.

    Depending on where you live, you may want to check out what resources there are for youth that are in the process of coming out. Here in Sacramento, the gay-lesbian center has a support group for people 13 to 17, and there are a number of younger people in it. If you live in a larger city, there is probably a similar group where you can find others around your age to share your experiences and questions and such with.

    EC, too, is a great resource, and you'll find there are lots of friendly and helpful people here. Please keep us informed on your progress! :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Chip, Dec 15, 2009
  6. x2x2x2x2y2

    x2x2x2x2y2
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    If youre not ready to come out, then its ok!! If i may ask, why is your bro in the hospital??
     
    #6 x2x2x2x2y2, Dec 15, 2009
  7. littlejack

    littlejack
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    ok thanks everyone, i know im ready to tell someone but im not popular at all and have almost no friends so dont know who to tell if i had any close friends id tell them oh well, bullying sucks! oh and i almost told my dad almost cause we had a 'bonding day' (kind of) he said if there was anything i wanted to say then i could... then the office called aaaaaaaaaagh
     
    #7 littlejack, Dec 16, 2009
  8. Gaetan

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    It might help you to talk to one of your schools' counselors. They are there to listen, and I'm sure they could help you in any way you might need it.

    Again, be sure you're ready to tell your parents. Personally, I feel I'm ready to tell my parents--but there's still one part of my mind that says I should give it a few more weeks, or months even.
     
    #8 Gaetan, Dec 16, 2009
  9. Connor22

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    maybe you should try talking to your brother, he was in the same boat as you and is older so he might have better judgement of the situation. I suggest (but maybe you shouldn't listen to me cus I'mm not much better) Come out to him as a step 1 and then try to judge our step 2 by other peoples reaction to your brother. Whatever you decide to do GOOD LUCK and I'll pray for you.
     
    #9 Connor22, Dec 16, 2009
  10. littlejack

    littlejack
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    i cant talk to the the school counselor until after i tell my mum and dad cause my dad works at my school and is like best friends with the counsellor and i dont want to upset that but i have to tell someone but i alredy get bullied and would get like uber bullied if ppl at school found out i wish i could speak to my only friend who moved to america, he used to make it better, i loved him(as a friend)
     
    #10 littlejack, Dec 16, 2009
  11. Dr Acula

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    If you're talking to the counselor then he cannot say anything to another person without your say so unless you've committed a serious criminal offence or are a danger to others, and I'm talking imminent danger here. Part of their duty is to safeguard your confidentiality, so don't worry in the slightest about them telling someone.

    Does your local community/school have an LGBT youth group? That may also be a place to go to get some advice or just to make mates.
     
    #11 Dr Acula, Dec 16, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2009
  12. Gaetan

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    As I understand it, a counselor cannot talk to anyone else about what they talk about with their students. It would be betraying your trust and ability to talk with them if they revealed what you talked about--especially to your parents, even if they are friends.

    Edit: If you still feel you are unable to speak with a counselor, I am sure you are more than welcome to send a PM to any of the advisers here on this site. You are also more than welcome to post a message on my wall if you want to talk to me.
     
    #12 Gaetan, Dec 16, 2009
  13. Chip

    Chip
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    I see littlejack's point. Even with confidentiality, if the counselor and Jack's dad are best friends and work at the same school, the likelihood of some sort of slip or breach of confidentiality is pretty high, and even though that's the professional standard, I wouldn't want to push it.

    THe other option, though, is to ask to speak with someone else at your school; maybe there's a GSA there, if so, you could talk to the GSA sponsoring teacher. Or perhaps there's a teacher at your elementary school that you liked that you could go back and talk to. There are always resources out there, you just have to get creative sometimes to find them :slight_smile:
     
    #13 Chip, Dec 16, 2009
  14. Mirko

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    Hi there! As others have mentioned, maybe try talking to a teacher that you like and trust. Teachers (in many ways) are counselors as well and can also offer you some support. Should your school not have a GSA or a LGBT support group/resource, maybe there is a LGBT youth group in your community. Try to look into that as well. Joining a LGBT youth group will not only provide you with some support but also you will be able to make a few new friends. (*hug*)
     
    #14 Mirko, Dec 16, 2009
  15. Bryan

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    Hey...
    First off, I am glad that you came here. I remember the first time I posted anything on this website I was really nervous. (THat was a while ago...) Anyway, I too had "girlfriends", so I can relate.
    Now that you have come out to your self, you should take some time to consider your options. It sounds like you are ready to come out. I am not going to tell you to wait. As the avg coming out age now is 14, but just think about who you are going to tell first. I would recommend telling a close and trusted friend, If you cant talk to your brother, before telling your parents. Also, see if you can talk to a therapist. I wish I had done that when coming out. Any way good luck and we are all here for you.
     
    #15 Bryan, Dec 16, 2009
  16. waketelaz

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    Hey dude i'm 15 and i can't come out and i accepted i was gay years ago and it's so frustrating having to be something you aren't of not being able to tell the truth and right now my plans to come out are back tracked possibly for more than a year but i know eventually when the time is right it will happen and that day will be spectacular to be patient sounds frustrating and unfair but if you can't com out completely tell someone who you trust and is close to you to lighten ur load
     
    #16 waketelaz, Dec 18, 2009
  17. bouncingsouls

    bouncingsouls
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    Hope your brothers okay :slight_smile:
     
    #17 bouncingsouls, Dec 19, 2009
  18. kizza111

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    dw about it, i knew when i was RLLY young aswell, dont remember exactly when.. but yeah.

    Try to ignore ppl that say 'wait, its probs just a phase, wait till ure sure' if u know u are, then u are. just dw about telling ppl unless u hav 2, i hav only told a few and they were fine, it felt much better so gd luck
     
    #18 kizza111, Dec 19, 2009
  19. littlejack

    littlejack
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    Thanks Everyone
     
    #19 littlejack, Dec 20, 2009
  20. Dr Acula

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    Just noticed you're in Basingstoke - I don't know if I'm allowed to post the link on here but there is a gay youth group in Basingstoke (I'm in Fleet when I'm not at uni). If a mod can let me know if I can post it that would be good (or just PM me).
     
    #20 Dr Acula, Dec 20, 2009
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