Over the past few months I have done a lot.... Graduated college, moved to a new city where I knew no one, started a new job, met a bunch of great people, told two good friends that I am gay. Within the past month I have told two friends that I am gay. They have both been extremely supportive and do not act any differently towards me. For some reason I feel like I am constantly worrying about whether our friendships will last. I am constantly thinking about whether or not they still like me and want to be around me. This sounds absurd but I think the whole aspect af revealing a part of myself that I have been ashamed about for many years to people is overwhelming to me. I know they like me but for some reason I question it. I don't know what I expected to happen after I came out to them. They have been great about it. Nothing has changed and we never really talk about me being gay.... They are only 2 of four people that know and they are the only people that know who see me on a regular basis.
Are you still ashamed of being gay? If you are, then that is probably why you are so worried about whether or not they still really like you; since you don't like that part of yourself, how can they? If that's the case, work on being happy with yourself. What helped me to overcome this was to verbally say to myself, "I am gay and I am a good person." Not sure if that helps or not, but just my initial thoughts.
i think its something inside you, that you still need to overcome. your friends are still there so dont worry bout them leaving you.
Dude, I came out a month ago and still get occasional instances where I feel like slamming the closet door shut again. Then I cuss out said closet door and threaten to go get a screwdriver to remove it. It's an analogy, but about as accurate as I can put it. Like, I'll be on the bus and a cute guy will be across from me and I'll settle into my old routine of mental conversation with myself: "He's cute." *mentally slaps self* "No, that's gay." *mentally slaps self again* "Scew you, you're not pretending to be straight any more, you don't need to do that." *winces, expecting another slap. One is not forthcoming* "Yeah, he is kinda cute."
This is like exactly what goes on in my head! I see a cute guy at college and don't do anything because I'm suddenly afraid I'll be rejected for being gay and mentally bring myself down. But at the same time, sometimes I get a smile or a look back and it cheers me up. Or it just makes me bury my head with burning cheeks like per usual. I really need to get over it, but this is what I'm like with women as well, so it's not that I'm ashamed of my sexuality, more just that I'm afraid of what people will think of me. Which is possibly what TC may think as well, but towards his friends rather than just the average person.
Accept the things you can not change. Even if they do feel differently towards you (which you're pretty sure they don't...), what could you do about it? What can you do about anybody's reaction to you being gay? Nothing. What can YOU do though? Well, if you really appreciate their friendship and the fact that they've been so accepting, then tell them that's how you feel. I'm sure they'd appreciate hearing it!
I don't think it's unusual at all. I had the same thing after coming out. Every time there was any comment made that could possibly point to me being gay, I mentally kept scrambling to find an appropriate excuse. I think my friends were OK with me being out faster than I was. In a way, before coming out I really just resigned myself to being gay. My friends' acceptance did help me in really accepting myself. Probably it just has to do with some mental muscles that are too clenched-up. The weeks and months before coming out are filled with going over disaster scenarios, so your mind starts to clench for the crash that's inevitably going to follow. And then, when the crash doesn't follow, it takes some time to register that everything's fine. It doesn't disappear overnight, and at first it feels like being oddly naked. But as more and more time goes by without disasters happening, you'll get used to it. Soon you'll even grow to like it more than the feeling you had beforehand!
