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I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does, and I don't know how to handle it.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MusicIsLife, Dec 16, 2009.

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  1. MusicIsLife

    MusicIsLife
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    So, first off I'm very comfortable with myself, sexuality wise. I have no problem talking about it if someone asks, and its extremely rare that I feel the need to pretend to be straight or something. In addition I have no problem saying if a guy is "hot" or not. I may be gay, but I'm not blind.

    My brother [18 years old] on the other hand is very uncomfortable with his sexuality. He feels the need to constantly talk about women, sex, and everything that falls with that subject. I've told him that theres no need for him to do this, as hes made his point but it's also extremely annoying.

    He's lately gotten into the habit of "catching" me when I say something that "only a straight girl would say" and that "I can't possibly be gay"

    I can't seem to figure out if hes uncomfortable with the idea of a gay sister [which would be weird as I came out 2 years ago] or hes just uncomfortable in his own skin and hes taking it out on me.

    As much as I know it shouldn't bother me, when I comment on how 'pretty' a guy is (and these days its usually adam lambert-related) he says things like "you can't really be gay" i dont really know what to say. I get so frustrated i dont know what to do or say. Im pretty sure this anger at these comments comes from how mixed up I was from the time I knew I wasnt straight til when i finally came out 7ish years later.

    What do I do?
     
    #1 MusicIsLife, Dec 16, 2009
  2. donnie5

    donnie5
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    To me it sounds like he still might be uncomfortable with the fact that you are gay. Which would explain him constantly saying "oh that's something only a straight girl would say." (which by the way I completely understand I make comments sometimes when I find a certain woman very pretty). But to answer your question you have to talk to him you have to express to him that those comments are irritating to you and try to find out why he doesn't believe you. and like I said it sounds like those comments have some underlying troubles behind them. The best way to solve this problem is pure uninterrupted conversation on the topic. (and try not to let him change the subject if he gets uncomfortable because its a cop out that's one of my biggest pet peeves).


    I hope things work out for you:icon_bigg:icon_bigg:icon_bigg:icon_bigg
     
    #2 donnie5, Dec 16, 2009
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    It's a bit circular, but you have to simply not let it bother you.

    When he talks about hot chicks and breasts and whatever else, you can either join in ("I like them rounder, myself") or treat it like you treat that friend who only talks about her current crush/Twilight/Fall Out Boy/her soccer team/whatever. Slip into that half-listening zone, nod occasionally, and think about something more interesting. :slight_smile:

    If he starts pointing out that you're "acting straight" or that you can't possibly be gay, just shrug it off with a "well, I'm pretty sure I am, but I'll look into that". Then change the subject.

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Dec 16, 2009
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