So I had a friend who I have been friends with for a while. I came out to him about five months ago because I trusted him. This trust is now gone. He happens to be gay as well but we have frequent arguments. One of the recent arguments was quite severe and I decided to not be friends anymore. He is quite paranoid and he recorded the conversation of me coming out and now he uses it as a threat, telling me that he would put it on facebook if I did anything to upset him. He insults me often at school and I can't retaliate in fear of him posting the conversation on facebook. Since we aren't friends anymore, I usually hang out with my old friends, whom I've been friends with for years. Here is a conversation that we had recently: "Me - Since we aren't friends anymore I'm allowed to hang out with whoever I want. You being mad at me because I'm friends with *****, *****, etc. makes no sense. Him - Haha, we aren't friends BECAUSE of that ,ignorant child. Do not message me, it is a waste and I shall not read anymore messages from u. Me - I never said that we weren't friends because of that. I'm saying that you being mad at me is completely ridiculous. Him - Wat did I say about messaging me? Anyway, it is obvious that u lack understanding of why I am angry...why? Are u self obsorbed? I do not know,I do not care & I do not wish to discuss this any further. Goodbye. Me - I can message you as much as I want. Firstly, it's spelt absorbed. Secondly, My understanding of why you are angry at me is because I am friends with *****, *****, etc. Even if they aren't accepting of who I really am, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. If I'm wrong, tell me the real reason that you angry at me for and these discussions won't happen. Him - Firstly,( in ur dumb set out) I can stop u by reporting u. Then u will have no contact . Secondly, u r obviously obsessed with spelling and I advise u get help. Thirdly, STOP TALKING TO ME. Or I will put up the video." As you can see, I try to sort things out in a civilised manner but he insists on being incredibly immature and impossible. I ask him why he does this to me and he replies "I enjoy it". I Just want him to leave me alone and delete the recording so I can live in without constantly worrying about it. Help needed.
he wants to see you uncomfortable. would it be so bad if you beat him to the punch and came out on your own? the way i see it you have a few options. you can report him and he will still tell. you could play take whatever he does to you and be not so happy and hope he doesnt tell. or you can come out on your own terms and tell who you want before he spills the beans. when people are like this they normally end up telling one way or another. i dont get why someone feels the need to make people unhappy besides for their own sick pleasure. im sorry someone abused your trust.
you made the right move not being friends with him any more. What an insufferable, obnoxious prick. I would come out of my own accord, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a hard step, but after having made it, it seems silly that it would ever have been difficult.
Obviously you're "friend" is angry, and narrow minded. He doesn't want to talk with you anymore ? Fine, don't talk with him and stay away from him. If he is threatening you again with the video of your coming out, I suggest you to talk to your school counselor about it (assuming you're both going to the same school). They might be able to do something about it. In any case, don't give him the feeling you care anymore about what he says or does. If he doesn't have the impression he's got power onto you, he might give up. I wish you good luck with this, and, once again, don't hesitate to talk to adults about it. Take care, Eleanor
Drop him like the lump of coal-beaten dung that he is and try to keep as far away as possible. Well, at least that's what I would do. Any friend that called me "ignorant child" would get several choice words, a diatribe (which I'm sure plenty of people here are aware that I love to do on passionate issues, lol), and a one-way ticket to Ignoreville. He seems clear enough that he doesn't want any further contact with you. It's probably the only good advice he had to offer you. Oh, and it's "spelled." :icon_wink
Im sorry but he sounds like a complete jerk. I say just ignore him and let the pieces fall where they may.
You might want to talk to a school counsellor. They are recently quite well informed about cyber-bullying, and might be able to help you and/or talk to him, away from you, about what he's threatening (if that really bothers you) because him showing other people a video of you without your permission is illegal, but if you tell him that he'll just keep being a jerk about it and possibly do it anyway, while if school counsellors do something about it, possibly with his parents, it will be taken seriously. If you do take this route, though, take the high road and don't reveal any personal details about him that he wouldn't want to be disclosed. That would lead to a world of pain and would undermine everything.
...He can't report you because even if he tried copying and pasting the conversation, none of what you have is threatening, though they could wind up banning him haha,
This one's easy. He's threatening to out you? Come out first. I know that sounds like a big deal, but it entirely uses his ammunition. Also, tell him in no uncertain terms to, shall I say, take a long walk off a short pier. People like this only have power if you LET them have that power. Take charge.
I agree with what has been said above. Although the circumstances are just this side of awful, if you come out on your own terms, then you can remove this idiot's one power play he thinks that he has. The guy is a bully, pure and simple...take away his power to bully you, and he will leave you alone, I'm guessing.
Do people know he is gay? Do you really think he'd come out for you? If you take him seriously, you have no choice but to come out, as others have said. Come out on your own terms (well, make him think that, obviously this isn't your own terms), and give yourself the last laugh. And, what video?
I agree, this kind of bullying is taken very seriously; you should involve someone who would be able to help and put a stop to it.
Err I think in most countries blackmail is illegal. So I would say just sue him for blackmail But I still also say you should come out. Because THEN you'll get money, and he'll lose his playing card.
The answer is not legal action, suing the guy. That is a world of annoyance that you definitely don't want - and you almost certainly won't get money, since Australia is not like the US and won't give emotional damages so easily and of course, you will lose money because you have to pay the lawyer and/or court costs. What you want is this guy to stop threatening to out you. Besides which, it's pretty difficult to pin this down as blackmail, since presumably you are both minors, and it sounds like a schoolyard taunt, not a serious threat. And it's not like he has issued demands of you, and really, those demands are that he leaves you alone, so not exactly incriminating. The best way to do that is like I said, talk to the school counsellors and get them to mediate. No fuss, no loss of money, he can avoid losing face. Everyone wins.
Ya...he is a tottal jerk...and he sounds extreamly jealious...and if he doesnt get his way,he is going to throw a pissy fit,and use the video against you...so there isnt much to wait for...try to comeout to your new old friends
Even in the US, sure it's technically blackmail, but it's not at a level that our legal system would even bother touching it.
Yep, exactly. The legal system won't take you seriously, but school counsellors certainly will. And sure, it means you have to come out to your counsellor, but they are trained professionals, will keep that information confidential and will have the ability to talk to this kid, and make the option of stopping his bullshit against you the easiest option for him. As an added benefit, he will learn that his words and actions have consequences!
I would definitely suggest talking to a school counselor. They are trained professionals and are obligated to keep what is said to them confidential unless you say something about hurting yourself or someone else, in which case they can tell appropriate people to get you help. Therefore, they wouldn't be able to out you to anyone, so you don't have to worry about that. They would be able to give you advice about what to do and might also be able to do something about the situation with the blackmail that is occuring as well.
