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Sexal harassment and the "F" word

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jtonka1, Dec 19, 2009.

  1. Jtonka1

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    I work at a nice convient store in my area. I love my job and enjoy my co-workers (well most of them). I am out to everyone there and at first everyone was walking on eggshells because they were afriad to say or do the wrong thing. Now we're all a bunch of jokers so it made it difficult and at a certain point I had the question of what was acceptable and not acceptable. I personally don't mind jokes in good taste (in example we have a list of things to do and we will sometimes seperate who does what by X's and O's. Like i will do all the x's and someone else will do the O's. While one day they made me the upside down triangles. I laughed and everyone moved on) but the one thing i specified was not okay was the "f" word aka Fag/Faggot. Wether joking or not i find it completely unacceptable and innapproriate. One guy that I work with, We will call him Al, made a comment that was not in good taste. I don't think the rules of EC will let me post what it was but it involved me and oral sex with men. I thought it wasn't okay at all and let him know but didn't take any action because i figured it was a one time thing and maybe i didn't make myself clear on "in good taste". Now recently he was upset with me and called me the "f" word. To which i responded with it being inappropriate and decided to talk to the manger about it.

    I also would like to mention I do not beileve he is homophobic by any means but should that stop me from reporting. And if I do he has a high likley hood of losing his job (He is minor trouble for some other stuff as well). Am I taking it too far? At the store it's a bit divided. I have people telling me that "He was only kidding" and "it's just a word" while on the other side I have "You need to stand up for this" and "Don't let him get away with hate speech". Any comments/ advice?
     
  2. SolitaryKnight

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    Your coworker should be well aware of the consequences of his actions and words. Even if he was angry, he still didn't have any right to say what he said. But you know your coworker better than any of us here, so ultimately its your decision.

    If I were in your situation, I would first confront Al about what he said. Perhaps it was a slip, but he should be warned that if it happens again, you would speak to your manager. After that, if things worked out amiably, then I would leave it for the time being, but if it happened again there would be no hesitation of speaking to management.

    Did any other coworkers hear what he said to you? Perhaps if there was anyone else present, you could seek there advice on the situation as well. Or even talk to another coworker and see what they say.

    Hopefully Al understands that he has crossed a line and that should his behaviour persist it will bring about consequences. Thats my take anyway, I hope it works out for you.
     
  3. Kevin42

    Kevin42 Guest

    I wouldn't say anything unless he uses it again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and perhaps that is just what this was. However, if he does say it again, I would talk to him in private and tell him that using that word actually bothers you and you'd really appreciate it if he didn't use it in the future. Only if this issue persists would I report it to your supervisors.
     
  4. Astaroth

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    You could also say to the manager that you want to report it but that you request that he only be warned about it, not fired, and that if it happens again you'll report the re-offense and let the punishment go where it may. Most managers will be more than happy to be lenient if that's what you also want, and it'll show your maturity in the situation as well.
     
  5. Greggers

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    I personally would not. If you are sure hes not homophobic and this does not happen often, i would just personally tell him that word offends you and if he could please try and refrain from it. Drama at the workplace has to be the worst kind ever. You kind of have to at least tolerate your co-workers or your screwed.

    The thing about the "F" word we all have to realize is that many people dont mean offense to gay people by it. Clearly it can still be offensive to the person hearing it, i for one am deeply offended by it, but you still have to put yourself in their shoes. This co-worker may not know very many gay people, or any besides you. This gives you a golden opportunity to teach him. You cant expect someone to get a gold star on gay issues without helping them along.

    Also, and i REALLY hate to bring this up, but if you can remember back to the whole "Perez Hilton calls Will.i.am a fag" incident, Perez later said he used that word because he was racking his brain for the most offensive word he could think of to call the guy. Naturally, "fag" was it. I, sadly, do this sometimes too. When im REALLY angry at someone i blurt out some homophobic remark. These remarks come from the very depths of my brain where it has been in-grained that these words are the most offensive thing you can call someone. Even after years, that sticks with you. Its hard to erase years and years and years of thinking a certain way.
     
  6. Chip

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    Among my friends, "faggot" is used a lot and it's sort of a term of endearment. My straight friends use it also and it's a joking thing. I think there's a generational divide in which young people seem more upset about the use of that word.

    To an extent I think it's situational. Someone can say "Queer" with malice and intent and it can be very hurtful. Someone can say "Faggot" with humor and it will be totally taken that way.

    I would focus on what your coworker's intent is/was. If he has a caustic sense of humor, it may well be just his way of having fun. I have friends like that and their comments don't bother me at all.
     
  7. TroubledRyan

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    ya,he should know that he is wrong,but it is in your heart to get him fired or not...cus you should know how hard it is to get a job now...and keeping it for that matter