Hi I am new to this whole community, and I am not even sure if this is where I should be. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? So here is my situation... Up until about 7 years ago I was as straight as they come, whatever that means. . I wasn't a player in high school or anything but I did ok. I have been in love with my share of women. The thought of men having sex had never , ever occurred to me. I had seen glimpses of gay porn as jokes from friends to 'gross' eachother out, and at the time, it was gross. Then I started doing a lot of drugs on the way out of school, and right around there I noticed that once in a while I would be staring at (I hope im not overstepping the language standards here) hard cock instead of the woman I usually looked at. I rationalized it away with this or that and it never really bothered me. Well, here I am, 29, 7 years later, just ended another relationship with a woman, I am cleaning a closet out (irony?) and in a box i find a 8" vibrating dildo we bought as a spoof for one of our buddies years ago. I didnt throw it away. Had a few drinks, which i rarely ever do anymore, came home, and something got into me. Again I apologize of this violates any of the topic/language restrictions, but to me it is intergral to what I am feeling. So drunk something just came over me while I was watching a porn and I thought of the dildo. I practiced fellatio on it (so out of left field for me that I cant even describe) and was blown away (no pun intended) by how much I enjoyed DOING it, at that point i went ahead and used the toy for what it was intended and I must say, I have never had such a deeply satisfied feeling in my life from any other climax. So the next day, all of a sudden, I find myself asking myself just what, exactly, this means... does it have to mean anything? I mean I cant picture myself being with a guy, just, well, using his sex organs, but the thought of men still repulses me. Just not their dicks. This is insane. I feel so insane. :bang:
First off, hello Welcome to EC. I dont think that you are insane. It seems as if this is all happening really fast for you, so it is understandable that you would feel a little freaked out. Right now I think you should not worry about labeling yourself. Exploring your sexuality can be an exciting thing, but it can also cause a lot of confusion, especially when you have felt straight all your life. Just take some time, give yourself time to sort through your feelings and emotions. I know that all of this can be overwhelming, but we are all here to help as much as we can and give advice.
Hi there! First off, welcome to EC! First of all, as has been pointed out above, you are not insane. Exploring your sexuality is not any different than exploring any other aspect of your life or personality. That being said, here are a few questions to ask yourself: - Is this just a sexual thing? I.E., can you picture yourself being involved in a relationship with another man? That's the biggest hurdle I had to get over when I came out to myself, was finally seeing myself becoming emotionally involved with another man, where the sex was only one part of a whole relationship. - Where does your lack of comfort level come from? You've mentioned the gross factor - perhaps giving some time to thinking about where that perception comes from will give you a much needed moment of clarity that can help you process the feelings and emotions you are going through right now. Is there someone that you can speak with about these feelings? Not necessarily a counselor, although that might be helpful...perhaps you can put in a phone call to a gay and lesbian community center near you to get a list of counselors nearby that you might be able to speak with who can help you get a handle on both what you're feeling and where you go from here. I went through much the same thing that you are going through now, so if it is helpful for you at all, please feel free to PM me at any time and I'll be happy to chat with you or just lend a listening ear Good luck!
So you are sexually aroused by the thought of men and women, but you are only interested in relationships with women? If so, it sounds to me like you might be straight, but very "sexually open"...perhaps? Nothing wrong with that...I know a few guys like that.
Hi, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your confusion dealing with feelings like this. I can't offer much advice as I'm in the middle of my own confusing situation where I always thought I was straight but suddenly found myself attracted to a woman, but I just thought it might help to know you aren't alone in all of this.
Welcome to EC! Based solely on what you've said, I'd say relax - you're still straight. After all, even straight guys have a prostate that feels good when it's worked correctly. You might have enjoyed "trying out the other side" in a fantasy way, too. I've certainly fantasized about women before, and I don't think it makes me any less gay. It's exciting to think about what's "on the other side" from time to time. So what do you do with this new "discovery"? Add it to your repertoire. How boring is it if you had to have sex precisely the same way every time? That's why there are different positions, different fetishes, different "kinks". Keep the dildo around, and when you feel like it, use it. You'll probably use it a lot over the next several days (or weeks), and then it'll probably recede into just another option. And when you get a new girlfriend, and once you start getting physical with her, tell you you enjoy having your prostate worked from time to time. Chances are pretty good that she won't mind working YOU over once in a while...or perhaps MORE than once in a while. Lex
Hi fifty I agree with the replies here already -- there's nothing with exploring your sexuality. Just don't become too obsessed with it. I've had that experience, and it's not pretty. Enjoy what tickles your fancy, and have relationships with people you feel a close connection to.
Hi, and welcome to EC. You've gotten some good advice above. I'll try and add a few other thoughts. -- I don't think I'd agree with Lex that you're definitely straight, based on what you've said. At the same time, I'd also hesitate to say you're gay. What I will say is... I don't think you know enough to know yet, but you're exploring. People think of sexual orientation as trinary (straight, bi, gay) but it is not. It's a continuum, and only 10% of the population is at one end or the other. My guess is you are probably somewhere on the continuum. As someone who came out a bit later in life (around your age, actually), I can relate to your situation, and I was one of the rare ones who was almost completely clueless until a couple years before I came out. Now, of course, I can look back on some things in junior and senior high school and go "well duh" but i was completely oblivious at the time. I had girlfriends, including long-term ones, and always assumed I'd get married to one. Now, that said... the experience of having a great orgasm from anal stimulation does not make you gay. It's a biological thing, and any guy, straight or gay, who experiences that will feel the same great feeling. Additionally, I think it's possible that the "revulsion" you describe toward male genitalia could be a learned/instinctive behavior, i.e, you know that you are *supposed* to feel that way if you're straight, so you convince yourself you do. Or it could be you aren't turned on by dicks because you're straight. The point being... we don't know yet, but I wouldn't use that information, at this point, to make an assessment. What I would encourage you to do is be open to exploring the feelings. That might be a tall order, because it might be really scary to consider that you might be other than completely straight, but obviously you're at least somewhat open to that idea because you're here posting on EC. Take some time and relax and masturbate and experiment by thinking about different things, people, situations... males, females, couples (both same and opposite sex) and see what turns you on. Try not to have any judgement about any one image you're thinking about. Likewise, if you use the dildo, try and imagine what it might be like if a guy was doing that to you. Don't just go with the first "oh that's gross" but see if it's something you can see yourself liking and experiencing. If so, it's something to consider exploring further. If it really does revulse you, then that probably tells you something too. This is a process that many, many people go through, and it is not at all uncommon for people your age to have difficulty even accepting to themselves, let alone others, that they are other than straight, so give yourself time. You may end up realizing that you just enjoy anal sex but are completely straight and love sex with women... or you might find that you're open to both... or you might find that you enjoy men more once you open yourself to the idea. All are perfectly normal and fine. I've worked with a number of people of many different ages and stages of the coming out process, and would be happy to talk to you and maybe give you some more specific things to help you decide for yourself what's going on for you. If you would like to talk further over IM or PM, feel free to PM me.
Well like everyone else said, explore your sexuality. Theres nothing wrong with that. Many people arent sure bout their sexuality till theyve tried different stuff, and even then theres no promise you will know. Just remember youre not alone and that youre not crazy. Just human.
Welcome to the club. I went through similar confusing circumstances a couple months ago, and at a similar age. Though in my case it was because I found myself staring at a dude at a party and not realizing why. It took me a few months to work it out, and I settled on the fact that I am actually bisexual, not straight like I thought myself up until then. So I totally understand that "watching gay porn and finding it unsexy", but that's probably 'cause I find the majority of straight porn unsexy as well. I've seen hot gay porn before, but it's rare given my tastes. So yeah, it takes some time.
