So, some of you will remember that I wrote e-mails to several friends officially coming out of the closet to them. I just got off the phone with one of them, and he proceeded to tell me that he is convinced that this (coming out) is just another way of me making sure people are paying attention to me and that I am gaining acceptance from someone somewhere. The idea that, by coming out of the closet, that this is something I would do so I could be more accepted...I don't know whether to laugh at how ridiculous the idea sounds to me or to cry that someone who claimed to be my friend for the last ten years is so obviously clueless about what I've been going through...and what the road ahead carries for me. Here's my thing...when I was in the closet, I suppressed any conception of myself that I had...I literally lost track of who I was so that I could be what my family and friends expected me to be. I am finally at the point of becoming comfortable with the totality of who I am...and for that to be played out like this is some massive idea on my part to get attention. I'm tremendously sad right now, not sure how else to describe what I am feeling. What we did agree on, though, is that we do tend to grate on each other enough that we simply cannot maintain a friendship...to do so would be mutually assured insanity. So, while this is a good thing in the long term, I'm feeling tremendously hurt by how he attempted to devalue a struggle I've been going through for decades. I guess...whatever friendship we had, I would have at least hoped it meant enough that he wouldn't do that to me...I guess I hoped wrong :icon_redf :icon_sad:
So sorry to hear that Marcus. It can be a real blow to the psyche when that happens, I know all too well. Different circumstances that lead to the same outcome. You are right to recognize it as a good thing however. Who knows though, people change. Maybe one day he will find himself going through what I posted my first thread about and gain a new perspective . If the government could figure out a way to get some empathy into the water with the flouride, the world would be a utopia.
Hi there!! I'm really sorry that your friend reacted this way. (*hug*) Before I read your last paragraph I thought maybe a sit down over a coffee, where you could explain what you have been through and what it means to you to have come out to him. Sometimes, even people who have know as for a long time, have a hard time imagining what it can be like or what it feel like going through the processes of acceptance and coming out and that it is not about seeking or wanting more attention. A friend of mine once said to me, "Mirko, a straight friend/person will never truly understand what you have been through because that friend/person will or has never experience(d) something like this." In other words, for some the idea of needing to come out to be ourselves, will always be a foreign concept or something that they will never understand fully. Yes, you want to be accepted, but you want to be accepted for who you are and for being yourself. But in order to achieve that, your friend needs to know. However, after reading your last paragraph, I am wondering if it might not be best to concentrate on this: "I did what I needed to do, which is already huge. I should be proud of it!" In some ways you have already done something major and positive, which will help in building confidence and being yourself. That said, I can only imagine how must feel right now. But don't lose track of who you are and remain on the path that you are on. (*hug*)
Your friend, to put it simply, isn't acting friend-like. Glad you've recognized that. It's something I saw firsthand, although (luckily) not for myself. One of my friends came out in college, and one of our mutual friends rolled his eyes at the idea. "Just like buying that new car - he's looking for attention." I told him that that seemed to be a rather massive thing to do just for the attention, seeing as how it was doubtful he could "take it back" once the furor died down. Keep in mind you've had months (if not years) to get used to the idea of you being gay. Your friend has probably had a day or two. Maybe he'll come around. Maybe he won't. If he won't, you hardly need that weight around your next dragging you down... Lex
I'm sorry to hear that your friend reacted that way. (*hug*) You may want to talk to him and explain what you have been going through. Like Mirko said most straight people can not understand what we go through stuggling with our sexuality.
Thanks, everyone. I agree with what you said, Mirko...I know that no straight person can ever truly understand what this struggle is like. And that wasn't what I expected. I guess it just upsets me because he claimed to have known all along about this, so he says he wasn't really surprised. I guess that's why I'm a little bit upset right now...someone who was close to me and claims to have not been surprised by this is still attempting to explain it away as some sort of massive attention getting desire. I knew that I would be choosing to let go of this friendship, I'm just disappointed that, as he was on his way out of my life, that he chose to stick the knife in and try to create an open wound. The process of coming out of the closet is hard enough without this sort of backstabbing douchebaggery. Thanks for letting me vent, y'all....it's more helpful than you know
