Ok so this is sort of a long story and I don't have anyone else to tell it to. I have a small core group of friends that I hang out with just about everyday. We do practically everything together and are really a pretty tight group. My closeness to each friend in the group varies but we are all friends. So there's the setup. There's this guy named Joey in our group and I've had feelings for him ever since we started hanging out over a year ago. Initially, I honestly thought he was gay but since then he says he's straight. I've learned from past experience to just accept that and move on because there's no point pining over a straight boy that you secretly think is gay when he directly tells you he isn't. So the fact that he's straight isn't even really the problem. You see he's the first boy I've fallen for in years. I don't fall for just anyone and when I do I fall hard. I think I could fall in love with him if I let myself but I won't indulge myself at all. The last boy I fell for was straight, I thought he wasn't, I agonized over him for ages and in the end had my heart broken. I won't let that happen again. Part of me just wants to stay away from Joey because I know distance would help me get over him but I can't do that because it would mean staying away from all of my other friends. While I do have feelings for Joey, he is my friend as well and I don't want to destroy my friendship with him. I sort of feel like maybe I'm just being immature because I'm not the first person to have a crush on a friend that doesn't have a crush back, but I just know how I am and know I will become more and more attached. So, I'm still hanging out with Joey but I've really tried to stop or tone down my flirtations and any sexual innuendoes. I'm really just trying to be his friend. Unfortunately, Joey doesn't do the same. He says things to me that make me blush or uncomfortable or make it hard for me to breathe. The other day he was holding a sort of phallic looking object and then asked me if it was the right width for me. Or the other night he thumbed the waist of his pants, says that he only has boxers on and then proceeds to pull his pants down in front of me. For a second, I can barely breathe and my face turns red. He knows this and smiles. Instead of revealing his boxers, he just has on another pair of sweat pants. Or he will dance suggestively in front of me or pull his shirt up for long periods of time in front of me and when I tell him it makes me uncomfortable he just smiles and keeps on doing it. Before he really knew me, he wouldn't ever take his shirt off in front of me, now he does it all the time. He really makes a point of it, and to me it's the equivalent of me being straight and a girl taking her bra off in front of me knowing full well that I like her. I have many other examples but won't list them. So, is it just me or does it seem like he's a total tease who's intent on torturing me because he knows how he affects me? I don't know what to do about him.
You need to pull him aside and tell him he is being inappropriate. And yes total tease, just reading it makes me angry.
Hi there! I think you need to talk to him and let him clearly know that he needs to stop his behaviour at once. The next time he does something or starts teasing, turn around and walk away. Another thing you could try is telling him "and I thought you are straight." Maybe gaining some distance wouldn't be a bad idea. Are there things that you could do with your other friends, without Joey?
I agree with the above....he needs to be explained that this is simply not OK. Just a thought...does he engage in these behaviors when others are not around? If not, then perhaps another idea would be to simply not be around him for a while unless others are around. That way, you don't have to sacrifice your other friendships while also limiting his ability to be cruel towards you. Just a thought.
Tell him to cut it out. Hes doing this cause he knows you like it, even though you dont like it. Make sense?? Make sure he recognizes the seriousness of it all though, cause most likely he wont at first.
My first thought was to put distance between us too but he is always around. If I was to put distance between us, I'd be putting distance between me and my other friends too or severely limiting our time together. I like the idea of saying, "I thought you are straight." That's a good one.
No, he does it when other people are around which almost makes it worse for me because then they make comments too. I don't mind jokes and everything but now I'm starting to feel like the butt of the jokes.
Yeah, I know what you mean. Part of me does like it because I wish he really was coming on to me, but I know he's not so that's what makes this whole thing rather mean. I feel like he is playing with my feelings. I definitely need to speak to him about this. I've been looking for an opportunity where I don't have to embarrass him in front of everyone. Pulling him aside to speak to him will also be rather obvious, but we are both rarely alone.
I dunno if it's good idea or not (I've never been in that position exactly, had friend crushes though) but maybe you could try being a tease back, if he enjoys it like you do, then he might be gay and you can guess where I'm going with that. On the other hand he might be straight and could be a little creeped out, you could then play it off as friendly fun, he most likely will stop being annoying and everything is good. Like I said I have no idea if that's the equivalent to jumping off a building or not, so don't rush to take my advice.
Well even though it might be obvious, pulling him aside while everyones there, could be somewhat necessary if you never get alone time to tell him. And he is playing with your feelings, although i dont think he realizes it.
Yeah, I don't think he realizes it but I'm definitely going to let him know soon. Thanks for the advice.
