Well of late ive been better then ever, but; yes theres that word. Recently met a guy on gaydar, we got together after about 3 weeks of chatting, it was great, we both agreed after the first night together that we did indeed have a lot in common. In fact both of us felt that there was a connectivness between us. After 3 days he contacted me again we talked and got on well, then 10 minutes later i missed a call from him but he left voice message "that he wanted to say that he really really liked me" i was rapted i was over the moon. Next day he rings and says that he wants to care for me. Met up again friday night at his place he cooks me nice dinner then all night having great sex, we talked laughed hugged and every thing else, woke up then we went out shopping had lunch then as he had to go and visit his mum i went home. Sunday night he rings 3 times in half hour last time asks me to come to his place spend the night there and go to work from there, me, couldn't get in the car quick enough. I ring him next day asked him if he wanted to go out to stage show with Kim and David and I, he says no he believes that he will be to tired, I'm ok with that, then later says he will go out with me to show, next day says he wont but i can go to his place after show and spend night there, says we can go for a swim at pool, check out vic market (melbourne icon) and generally relax. Get there fri night after show, we jump into bed then 10 mins later says we need to talk, he wasn't very interested in kissing or anything, didnt worry me as I knew that he was tired. Then says out of the blue that its not going to work, I got dressed and left, i sat in the car and cried, i felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest still do, i feel empty, gutted, bewildered, he tried to ring me 4 times the following day, i returned the last call as he said he was anxious and wanted to know if i was all right, i'm lost, i feel that my state of mind has just gone back 12 months into a black hole, i've cried every night since alone in bed. Can any one put some light on what has happened and why.
That is really sad (*hug*) and a poor way to part ways, especially if you have no idea what went wrong. Other than talking to him, I can't think of any other way to find out. If I were in your shoes, I would ask for an explanation. As to your question, this type of a semi-sudden breakup happens because the partner is immature, may not know what he wants, or isn't honest enough to express his concerns. It could well be a combination of factors, including some temporary blindness on your part, driven by the strong desire to finally find what might turn out to be an ideal relationship. I say that out of great sympathy because I'm stuck in a similar situation, breaking up with someone I love dearly. At least I know what went wrong. It's much worse if you don't know the reason and are looking to find fault with yourself. As painful as it might be, you need to confront him with the question. Don't know if that helps but I hope you feel better soon (*hug*) .
Right at the beginning of a relationship there is the sort of headiness "floating on cloud nine" type feelings where you think of nothing else and everything seems wonderful and perfect. It's great, but it can't continue this way if you are to be able to live a normal life. So it doesn't last, and in due course you gradually come back down to earth. The key is realising that this is what will happen, and that it is fine and completely normal. Unfortunately though some people think that because this high is ending so is the relationship. Other times once the initial high is over you'll start to see your partner for who he is, with his imperfections, mannerisms and everything that makes him human. Your partner will do the same. Maybe when he reached this stage he realised that perhaps you are not quite what he's looking for after all. He's probably come down to earth quicker than you (possibly because it's your first time but he's been there before). Whatever the reason though, avoiding you rather than discussing it is cruel and unfair to you. He ended it - the least he could do is give you an explanation. But he hasn't, so perhaps you are seeing the real him now too, and he's not as great as you initially though. I don't know if that helps at all. If not I'll offer you and Lorenz a (*hug*) anyway. Take care, look forward not back, and I'm sure you'll both find someone else soon.
Paul has hit the nail on the head I think. I'm not an expert - on the contrary! - but I'm wondering if the relationship got physical too soon. I know you chatted online for 3 weeks, but I think that's different from having coffee, dinner out, seeing a movie together, etc. A bit of old fashioned courtship. Each of those occassions would have allowed for a bit of touching, a hug, a kiss good night, etc. With a little more invested in the relationship before having sex, you'd both know a little better where the relationship was going. In fact, some people - including me - can tend to confuse sex with love. Of course, they are very different. But this may be his problem - and once the initial 'rush' or 'high' has worn off, there isn't the same attraction. So the only advice I can give is to get right back in that saddle - but trot for a while - don't gallop! You'll feel better again - I promise!
Me again, we are still talking, jim you are right he wants to spend time getting to know each other i have to learn to stop being a sex maniac and apprieciating the finer things in life, i' ve decided that this guy is someone that i will work hard for and at the same time undertake a steep learning curve (on my part) he is a beautiful person that i would be happy to share lifes experiences with, well here goes, I will either gain a soul mate/best friend/lover or end up hurting, but thats what life is about isn't it. Just one question that any body is welcome to answer, why do i feel like bursting into tears at times, it might be after a song on the radio, or speaking to a friend but i've just started crying for no apparent reason at times, what do you think? greg
hehe well i know im pretty young, but ill try to give you as much of my knowledge as possible. i think that sometimes, after youve met someone that has made that big of an impact on you, it leaves something in your heart. its like, something you see around you or hear around you can remind you of that person. and that just brings back the memories of you being hurt. so maybe thats the reason youre crying. but i encourage you to take that step to try and get to know him. nothing in life worth fighting for doesnt come with its fair share of risks and tears. you just gotta persevere through it and know that everything will work out the way it was planned to. best of luck! and just remember to smile. =)
Hey Greg! That's good that you're still talking, and he's willing to make that investment in getting to know you better. You're not a sex maniac! But your early experiences may not have been the healthiest, or ones that were going to lead to a longer term relationship like this one. So the approach needed to be different this time. (Again - speaking from experience!) In terms of the emotions... I think it has to do with having repressed our feelings for so long. We became masters of bottling up and masking our true emotions. Some of us as a result developed other problems or took up addictions to avoid dealing with those emotions. However, now that we're being true to ourselves and not hiding things from others, the emotions that we just never dealth with before are closer to the surface, and sometimes just 'boil over' for seemingly unimportant reasons. I know exactly what you mean. It's happening to me too once in a while. The advice I've received is go with the feeling. If you're feeling sad, then be sad and cry. If you're feeling angry, then be angry, and talk to someone about it. Don't ignore it or dismiss it or bury it. Let it out and really feel it.
