1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

i may be shallow....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by paco, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. paco

    paco Guest

    this is a bit unfortunate...

    my friend is trying to set me up with this guy who's a friend of a friend, so she gave him my number, and we've texted a couple times, and i hoped something could come of it. he seems like a nice guy and all, but he just doesnt seem my type after i looked at a few pictures. he's not ugly i guess, and he's in shape, but i just don't think so. he's also about half a foot taller than me, and i'm not a big fan of his hair.

    i know i'm not like, required to like the guy, i mean, my friend just wanted that to work out, but if i don't see it, then that's that... but does that make me like, really shallow? i mean, whether i am or am not won't really change anything, but at least i'd be aware of it i guess. does this happen to anyone else?
     
  2. No One

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2008
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    2
    I have often asked myself that and i eventually came to this conclusion, That its not wrong to want to be attracted to the person you are with. I think you become shallow when all you look at is how they look and you don't even consider their personality. I want to be attracted to the person i wake up to and i think that person deserves that. At least you tried, if your friend hadn't introduced you to this guys and you just saw him in a bar somewhere and you didn't like the way he looked you wouldn't pursue him and no one would think you were wrong for that.
     
  3. -Michael-

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,126
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Middlesbrough, North-east England
    You're not shallow. Choosing looks is a completely natural and.instinctual thing.

    To be shallow, youd have to date an arse just because he's fit
     
  4. paco

    paco Guest

    hm.. or maybe i'm confusing being shallow with being picky. maybe i'm just too picky..still something i can't really change, but it would be nice if i didn't have ridiculous standards..

    or maybe i'm shallow and picky. that's probably it..
     
  5. Shevanel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2008
    Messages:
    5,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Neck, NY
    You're not shallow, Paul, You're picky :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. I'm picky too xD
     
  6. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! I have never been a great fan of friends trying to set someone up or trying to introduce one of their friends to someone in the hopes it will work out. I think it is always better if you get out there and try to find someone that you like or find attractive.

    That said, if you look long enough at someone you will always find something with which you won't be happy about. But what matters is whether or not this person is someone with whom you can see yourself going out on dates and having a good time and making connections, not just on a physical but also on an emotional level. If you have both, there is a chance that it just might work out.

    As you get older, you will see that your preferences and what you think a guy should have, will change. It is possible that you will end up with someone who might not be as fit, has hair that you are not really keen about, and who might be taller than you but you are together because he makes you feel good and you are able to bring out your best in the relationship.

    Sometimes, when we look too hard for certain things we miss the little things that are often more important in making things work out.
     
  7. RAJ Aladdin

    RAJ Aladdin Guest

    My coach once told me that people, ALL people, judge a person by their looks the second they see them in three separate spheres: And I quote...

    "Are they food, predator, or fuckable?"

    This wasn't a joke- animals (humans are part of the animal kingdom) all judge on outside appearances- it's scientific. What's not hot to you will rock another person's socks off. LOL! So don't worry.
     
  8. paco

    paco Guest

    that makes sense.

    maybe these things are the first things i notice because i'm supposed to like this guy, so i'm looking more critically or something and automatically revert to a mental check list sorf of thing.

    but like, if i meet someone on my own, since i'm not looking for date-ability i can see them more by who they are and not by their features as much, because i've definitely noticed imperfections in guys i've liked, but maybe since i've gotten to know them before i liked them, the imperfections didnt matter and/or made them cuter.
     
  9. Shevanel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2008
    Messages:
    5,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Neck, NY
    This. Hands down.
     
  10. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    +1....no, +100000000
     
  11. x2x2x2x2y2

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,326
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wonderland (and California, USA)
    Yeah youre not shallow. There has to be a physical interest in the relationship in order for it to work. :slight_smile:
     
  12. GoBabyGoGo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2007
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    i agree with all of the above posts, but from the sounds of it, you havent actually met this guy in person? perhaps you could, but make it clear that its just as friends, and bring other friends along?
     
  13. paco

    paco Guest

    i'd like to still meet him, i'll be living very close very soon and he seems nice, and it would be nice having a new friend and knowing someone that knows the area and stuff.
     
  14. Andromeda

    Andromeda Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2009
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Even if you are shallow does it matter, do you see yourself spending a portion of your life with him. Life is too short, you're capable of finding someone else. Why waste even five minutes with a less compatible person when you could be with someone else.

    Half a foot taller sounds hot to me though, but if he has a bigger body fat percentage than 25% I won't date him.
     
  15. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! I think that's a good idea. There is no harm in meeting him and having a few chats with him. As you have indicated, this could be the makings of a new friendship.

    Hope it goes well.
     
  16. Kevin42

    Kevin42 Guest

    Also, if you meet him and become friends with him, you might develop a physical attraction. From my own experience, people always seem to become more attractive once you become friends with them. Even if that's not the case, it'll still be nice to have another friend!