Religious Friends?

Stick to his guns. If they are not willing to look past their socially backward dogma and are going to insist that orientation is a 'decision', then they're not mature enough (yet) to warrant worrying about. Especially if they're going to contradict the loving message of their own religion and alienate someone in spite of the universal message of respect which religious leaders would love to have you believe they whole-heartedly endorse.

I would point his friends to some informative articles on homosexuality... The fact that it is prevalent throughout the animal kingdom is a good exhibit of it's "naturalness" (another human construction). There are also plenty of archived articles on newscientist.com describing genetic basis behind homosexuality, if that's likely to have any effect on religious type people... They're kids though, and if they have christian parents they're most likely thoroughly indoctrinated by the age of 16, unfortunately. But that doesn't rule out bringing them to tolerance, if not complete acceptance.

 

It sounds like R is sure enough of himself to not really take what they are saying too seriously, and thats good. Its more his friends you have to worry about.

I have gone though the same thing myself, minus having a boyfriend/gay friends, and i stuck my to guns like Pseudojim said and basically told them...

"Ill give you time to try and adjust, but if you cannot become 100% comfortable with my sexuality, you are not going to be the ones rejecting me, I will be the one rejecting YOU. I have zero room in my life for anyone who cannot get on board the gay train. Accept me, or move on. Ill give you as much time as you need to do that. Until then, i think its best i dont hang out with you."

...and for the most part, they left. The super religious ones that is. Not all of them though, some did accept me, and faster than i thought. Done rule anyone out, no matter their religion. People are more than just their religion just like we are more than just gay. Give them time, thats my #1 piece of advice.

 

i think any sensible person will get over it and remain friends with him. My very best friend is catholic and she accepted me being gay. I know she had a bit of a crisis of faith along the lines of 'how can my best friend be going to hell?' However,being an intelligent girl she realised that the god she loves isn't going to send someone to hell because of their sexuality.

So basically i think the friends will probably accept him, and if they don't then are they worth being friends with? I would say no

 

This ^^. If they can't get over their religious hangups and accept that he's gay and happy, then he needs to cut the ties and move on.

 

Agreed. R doesn't have to be mean about it, but he needs to tell them that if they don't find it possible to be friends with him despite him being gay and having a boyfriend, then that is their choice, not his.

 

Nowhere in the bible does it say it is wrong to fall in love. All 66 books are based around that. In Leviticus it says about having sex with men, it is talking about a perverse fetish, like paedophilia or beastiality, where sex is just sex and with no feelings other than physical ones. Homosexuality wasn't discovered until the 70s as an actual sexuality that we cannot change or choose. We are in the right and anyone who uses the Bible as justification for hate is doing exactly what the Bible is against. Your friend needs to know this: "people who hate him for being the way God made him are turning their backs on God for their own prejudices"

 

I would tell R to act based on what he wants, not based on what other people tell him to do. That way you're not telling him what to decide, but recommending a way to reach a decision.

 

>>>"R. Being gay will screw up your life. I mean look at it now. You won't be able to live normal, you can't get married, you can't have your own kinds, and people hate you. Just make the right decesion..."

Let me answer them for both of you.

"Being gay didn't screw up MY life. Living as an out gay man helped complete my life. I live a completely normal life, with a normal job and normal friends. I'm not legally married, but we've found ways around that obstacle. If we wanted children, we'd find a way around that obstacle. And the only people who seem to hate me are those who feel that it's up to them to tell me how I need to live my life. And frankly, I don't give a flying rat's ass if those people hate me.

I HAVE made the right decision. Thanks."

Lex

 

this is not quite right. Leviticus is explicitly talking about homosexuality. "A man shall not lie with another man or beast" is fairly black and white.

and homosexuality was known about long before the 1970's. Sexual behaviour of the human male was 1948 if i remember correctly, and that was far from the first example.

 

Alright. I took the plunge and joined. The "R" is me.

Thank you. I tried explaining to them that it is possible to have a normal life, but they still don't want to accept that is possible. They seem to think that being gay causes hell.

You were in the same situation I am in now. They are both Catholic. One decided she would support me, even though it is against her morals and beliefs. The other one is disappointed in me and thinks I am ruining my life and going to hell because I am defying God.

I think that is my only option at the moment.



Thank you guys so much for helping me.

 

A great quote

"Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on to."

From Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), by Baz Luhrmann.

You have to decide if these people are some of the precious few you should hold on to.

 

^totally agree with that quote, and time is the only thing that can really help the situation. if they are truly your best friends as was said then they will come round eventually, just dont even contemplate ending it with the guy for them though; they are the ones at fault and the ones who need to change.

 

Yay you joined "R"!

Welcome to Empty Closets. I hope it all works out (*hug*)

 

A lot of religious intolerance of being gay or bisexual comes from misinformation from what I have seen. My mother was VERY intolerant of my boyfriend being bisexual when she found out he was, and she was spitting out all these inaccuracies at me that had been ingrained in her head about why bisexuals were bad. The best thing to do might be to remind them that he is the same person now as he was before he came out, and to offer to give them any information they would like about being gay and what it really means to him, let them know that he will give them time to accept it because that may really be what they need, and then he has to leave it to them to come around and accept him or not. It would probably be a good idea for him to direct them to some information that is more accurate about homosexuality than what they may have been told in the past and let them either ask him questions or direct them to a resource where they can ask questions.

 

Ryan get your homophobic friends to watch "the bible tells me so" and its http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04AVRslVRbY

it goes to 8 parts and the link above is the first part.

 

Well,

One friend has started to accept it. She says even though it is against her beliefs, she will support me 100% and be there for me. She told her sister about me, and her sister told her parents and they were 100% okay with me and didn't have a problem with it, so I think that helped her get over it too.

The other friend is still being weird about it. She thinks the bible is 100% correct, and I called it outdated. That is what I think she is mad about more than me being with a guy.


Thanks for the help!