Well, the title pretty much says it all, I think I came out to some people when drunk last night. I was out drinking with some good friends from about 4.30pm and was in fairly good spirits. As the evening went on some of them went home and I ended up sitting with some people I dont really know but who are friends of a friend of mine (He also stayed). One of the friends of my friend was a woman in her 40's, who has a daughter in her 20's who is single, the mother was asking is I thought her daughter was attractive etc. and whatever I said (I really cant remember exactly what I said) it prompted her to ask why I wasnt interested in her daughter. Again, whatever I said, it seems I revealed I am gay. My friend was still there and I am not sure whether he heard or is in a position to remember anything that was said as he looked pretty out of it (Sleepy) at times. I'm concerned though because this happened in a bar. Anyone could have heard. My friend might have heard (And he's not a friend I would expect to be totally supportive). I've maybe lost control over who I come out to and when. I'm due to go out with friends again today after Christmas dinner. I feel so pathetic.
Don't feel pathetic. If you did 'come out' - well - you can't really 'go back in' again, can you? If I were you, and you feel concerned about 'what people might think' I'd just wait to see if anyone says anything "are you really gay?" etc. If they don't - well, either they don't care or your memory is faulty. If they do - I think the best bet would be to "own it" - If you turn around and say something like "yes - so what difference does it make? I'm still the same person - you just know one small extra thing about me that you didn't before - do you have a problem with that?" I honestly think that the more confident you are about it the less likely they are to regard it as 'important'. If it comes down to it - and IIRC - didn't you very recently have a very well known Gaelic footballer come out? You could always say - "would you pick a fight with him over his sexuality? (Probably not) So - why do you find it such a big thing with me?" Don't know if this is a viable option - but if I were in your shoes I would think it likely to make them pause for thought. You aren't a different person because of your sexuality - they have to think about that. Good luck.
I completely agree with what TriBi said...you can't change what you did, so own it and be confident, even if you don't really feel that way. You can be nervous if the subject comes up, but if you act like you are completely confident and sure of yourself it is probably a lot less likely that they will find reasons to be unsupportive, and a lot more likely that you will really be able to make them think about things more clearly to determine what exactly their issue is with this,
Well, first of all, you're definitely not pathetic! Coming out (even in less than ideal circumstances) never is pathetic. Even if you didn't intend to come out to his friend, there's no reason to panic at all. First of all, he might not have heard in the first place. If it's late and there has been drinking, people don't tend to be really perceptive. In that case you still have the initiative. If he heard, then there's still no reason to panic. He might be more supportive than you think. Friends can sometimes really be surprising that way. Often people can be homophobic when gay people are a strange and unknown phenomenon, and then make a 180° turn when they find out one of their friends is (and always was) gay. If he asks and you just own up to it, telling him you always were gay in the first place, he might see that it really makes no difference. I happened to be outed to some friends who I thought might not be entirely supportive once, and in the end, they just shrugged and accepted me. The horror scenarios the closeted mind concocts can be frightening, but they rarely come true! If you really really don't want him to know, there's the final option: the stone-faced lie: "I was drunk, and she was unwilling to back down on the issue, so I told her something to get her off my back". However, this is not recommended. Lying makes coming out later harder, and they might still keep wondering about what you said. I honestly think it's best to pull off the proverbial band-aid and get it over with. But again, never feel pathetic! You can deal with this! (*hug*)
Ah yes - the carefully regulated coming out. I went much that same route - going so far as to keep a running list of who I had told and when. In short, it becomes about as complicated as managing an airline's flight schedule and eventually becomes totally pointless. There are some people who you likely would like to come out to in a more personalized way - family, close friends, etc... - but eventually you just come out and have done with it. So, maybe look at this as a blessing, and a way of getting past something which, at least in the beginning, I found very hard to do sober anyways ;-) Merry Christmas!
HEY SOMEONE FROM HOME!! sorry. Anyway, don't feel bad, you came out to them and it was going to happen one way or another. At least this way your friend might think you were only mucking about and will ask you again, then you can play it whatever way you like. Besides, he might have been drunk too and might not remember it. Whatever happens GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR (did I leave anything out?)
Thanks to everyone who replied and the good advice given. Well, its a day or two later and I am still not sure what happened. I didnt go out on Christmas day because I was still feeling pretty rough from the night before. I did go out yesterday though and part of the company was the friend mentioned in opening post, and he said nothing about Christmas eve, so if I did say or infer that I was gay to his friends then he either didnt hear or doesnt remember because he was pissed. He works with some of these friends though so it may come up if they discuss seeing each other that night. I guess I will just have to wait and see. As for feeling pathetic, I still kind of feel that way, to lose control of what I was saying and the implications of that was really stupid. Its a homophobic (Among other things) place that I drink. Yeah, not too many here from Northern Ireland.
