Hey all, here's another one of those overly complicated relationship questions There's a guy I met last summer. He is from where I live now (Lethbridge), and comes home for the summer & holidays, but goes to school in Winnipeg. He is currently back for Christmas holidays, but leaves in a few days. Over the summer, we almost started going out, but in the end didn't. I didn't think he was interested, he thought I was already going out with someone...the usual miscommunication story. He headed back to school, and I figured that was the end of things. A couple months ago, he sent me a very random message on FB, saying that he regretted turning me down. About a month ago he started dating someone, but things have been rocky in the last little bit and he plans to break things off when he gets home. We've been chatting a lot in the last few weeks, and I know he's talked to me about things that he wouldn't talk to most people about. We hung out last week for an evening, and from what he said I know he still likes me. So, here's the problem: We were hoping to hang out more before he has to head back. Should I ask him if he would be interested in starting something with me? Or, should I respect that fact that he is still in a relationship, and hold off? He's a fairly traditional guy when it comes to stuff like this, and I don't want to make him feel awkward/uncomfortable, or that I'm pressuring him to break up with his current BF. I would also rather ask him out in person, instead of over Facebook chat. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thanks everyone!
Well since he's planning on breaking up with the guy anyway I don't see a problem with that. Besides asking him out on one date couldn't hurt any.
Hi there! I would wait with asking him. As you have mentioned, he plans on breaking things off with his current boyfriend. Breakups are never easy, no matter for how long a relationship has lasted. Although he might not show it first, there will be some kind of a mourning period, given that he did invest time and energy into this relationship and most likely he will have some emotional attachments to it. Give him some space and time to heal. Wait until he tells you, I'm ready for a new relationship. However, that doesn't mean that you can't be a friend. It seems that he values your friendship and trusts you. Be there for him. Let him know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for him. By talking with him now and after his breakup, not only will you fulfill your role as a friend, but you will also know how he feels about his breakup, and whether or not he is ready for a new relationship. I hope this helps a bit!
My theory is that you're anticipating people to give you two sets of answers, based on the fact you told us that he "planned to break up" with his current boyfriend and our knowledge that you are both interested in each other. Regardless of what he wants or plans to do, I think you should respect the fact he is in a relationship now rather than going so far as to commit him into adultery. The philosophy is the same as if I were a medical doctor facing a patient who wishes to die because he/she is in extreme pain-- As a human being I would gladly oblige that person's wishes and let them die, however as a medical doctor my job is to save lives. --You must take a step back and look at the situation with several perspectives, and gauge which is the most important. Imagine you were in the place of the guy your friend is dating. Do you know their entire story? Do you know everything that has gone on? Perhaps the potential for their relationship to heal itself is greater than you think. Before you dive into something you are not sure of now, it would be best to wait. Your friend needs to gain the courage to make his move, rather than just talking about it. Anyone can talk about doing anything, but the most important thing is to take action. Ultimately, my feeling is that you and your friend care a great deal for each other, and before you rush into things just because, it would be best to let all the baggage resolve itself. If their relationship is not meant to be, then they will break up when they've had enough. At the same time, when that occurs, don't make the mistake to go in right away and ask your friend out, because generally that ends badly as well. But, I am happy to see that you and someone do care for each other, and I think with a little patience and faith, you both will be happy.
