After nearly 6 years of being confused and in denial about my feelings and more than a month of seriously questioning my feelings, I have finally come to terms with my sexuality and have acccepted the fact that I'm gay. (!) It was last night when I came to terms with it. I was in my room and I decided to write about these feelings, let them all out, and answer all the question that have been burning in my mind (Did I want to be in a relationship for the girl itself or for the perks like kissing in public, holding hands, and cuddling? Did I want to kiss a girl becuase of the girl or becuase I wanted to prove something to myself and others around me? Why did I feel so awkward when I was making out with a girl?) There were other questions in my mind, though. Anyway, when I put all the pieces together, connected the dots and faced all of this, I jsut couldn't deny it anymore. I wrote simply "I'm gay". I felt a vast ragnge of different emotions. I felt, in a way relieved that I had faced to truth and was able to finally say truthfully to my face that I'm gay. But, then I began to think about everything I'm gonna have to go through (coming out to my parents, all the hate and bigotry that I'm most likely going to face) and I began to get teary-eyed; moreso than I already was. I felt afraid, but I felt happy that I can now be honest about myself, look at myself in the mirror and say, "I'm gay. I like guys, I'm attracted to them, and it's ok." Now, I kinda need so help as to what to do next. I am so far from ready to coming out to others and my parents are definetly the x factor. Now that I have accepted the fact that I'm gay, what's the next step? Now what?
Congratulations! The next step is entirely up to you. It sounds to me like what you need, though, is time to get comfortable with that three letter word. For me, when I came to terms with it I sat down and decided who I wanted to tell first. Do you have any close friends or family that you know would be accepting? It would be a good idea to tell them first, when you KNOW you're ready to. Basically, take it as slow as you want to. If you want to tell people, tell people. If you want to wait...then just wait.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! You have picked the right place! Congratulations on accepting yourself. That's already a huge step and the most important one to that! As you have already experienced, you can become very emotional pretty quickly and things can become overwhelming. It is important that you take it each day at a time. Don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, the next day, or next week. Now that you have accepted yourself, try to become even more comfortable with your sexual identity. Maybe try reading a few things on being gay and on the LGBT community. As you do this, it could help you in thinking about things more calmly. The more info you have and can relate it back to your own situation, the more confident about the road ahead you might be. Not sure if you are in school, but if you are, maybe try making an appointment with a counselor. Having a counselor supporting you all the way, can be be quite helpful. A counselor can also provide you with resources and she or he can give you tips, or feedback throughout your journey. A counselor can be an important part of your support network. Your support network could consist of counselors, teachers, friends, peer support groups, LGBT support groups, etc. If you feel that you are going to be encountering some homophobia and bigotry, the more important it would be to have a support strong support network that you can rely and fall back on in case you need support and someone to talk to. Related to that, maybe try finding out if there is a support group in your area that you could join. It might be a bit hard at first, but having someone to talk to and someone to relate to, might help you in becoming more comfortable with yourself. As with everything in life, follow your instincts at all times. You will know when you feel ready to come out to a friend and to your family. Once you feel ready to begin coming out, maybe try thinking about a good friend who you trust and feel would be accepting. Often times, it is easier to come out to friends first than to family members. But there is no rush in coming out. Take it slow and take it one day at a time! I hope this helps a bit!
Nice, congrats on figuring things out. I say, wait a little while on coming out or anything. Just chill and enjoy your newfound gay. There's a lot of freedom in accepting things. Like now, you totally get to check out and crush on guys without feeling weird about it (don't let them notice though cause things get really awkward...).
Well, you've taken the hardest step of all, I remember how tough it was for me to come out to myself. Take some time to come to terms with being gay. When you are ready to come out try doing it with a close friend, and work your way out from there. The first few people I told were friends I knew would accept me and not freak out. This is a process and each one is different for different people. There is no right or wrong way to come out. Welcome to queer club (&&&)
Hi! And first of all: congratulations on coming out to yourself! It’s not easy to do, but it’s a huge first step to living a happier life. I must say, reading your story remembers me of when I came out to myself. Just writing those simple words “I’m gay”, thinking “Holy f***, I really am gay” (expletives are optional ), and feeling how everything suddenly makes sense now can cause quite e monumental surge of emotion. As for what to do, there’s no real fixed path to follow, really. The only thing you can do is use this newfound knowledge about yourself to take stock of the situation, and see where you want to go next. Coming out is definitely not a race. There is no timer that starts ticking once you find out you’re gay. You already spent years questioning, so a few days, weeks or months isn’t going to make any difference, and if there’s some people you don’t tell for months, years or ever, then there’s no one that can fault you for that. What worked for me was to think of which of my friends would be very supportive, which friends would take some more time to get used to the idea, and which ones might not react all that well. I did my first coming-outs to the friends I was most comfortable with telling. Their acceptance, and the conversations I had with them, gave me the confidence I needed to tackle the more difficult friends. As it went on, I gained more confidence and acceptance, and I found out that I started to accept it even more myself. Just spending time with people who knew and didn’t care did wonders for my self-confidence. In the end, I didn’t lose a single friend over it. Same goes with family. Parents are rarely really happy that their kids are gay, but once you have the support of friends, and some more self-confidence, you’ll feel better up to the task of handling coming out to them and making them see that you're really happier being yourself. If you don’t see that happen right now, then it’s probably best to concentrate on the steps that could take you there… And of course, it never hurts to post here about what’s bothering you every step along the way. My original timetable for coming out was to be out to maybe five friends by the end of 2009. Posting and asking for support here helped me to radically speed that up. So never forget that we’re here as a support network too! Again congrats on coming out! And just have faith that whatever path you will take will be the right one! (*hug*)
Yeah, that is always a great/scary moment. I don't think I ever really had a single moment when I was like "ah-HA!," it was a long drawn out thing over six months of stuff, and at one point even trying on the gay hat for a night to hang out with a guy my friends suggested ("If you were gay, then this guy..."). The closest to a eureka moment is kinda graphic, so I won't mention the details, but it is the best feeling in the world. And the scariest. I remember a combination of "I am complete" and "oh NO, why?" So I'll go out on a limb and say you need one of these: (*hug*). What's next? Just what everyone said; figure out someone trustworthy to tell, someone you could tell anything in confidence. That first one who matters is the hardest; it took me two weeks from "I'm going to tell X" and actually telling him, and I live with the guy. Best decision I ever made, though. But no rush, take things at your own pace.
Just take it at your own pace. if you rush into life with your new understanding while you still have the 'new gay smell', you might just end up getting hurt.
The advice is sound. It's like a new pair of shoes. Wear it a while, and get used to how it fits. Lex
