Ugh, just going to list the things that have me down to change it up. 1. Scared at the thought of my upcoming career change from being well paid to a bean counting college student. 1.A. I have no fucking clue where I'm going to end up as said bean counting college student. 2. I have sex and I enjoy it but I cannot connect with anyone. I feel as if I'm leading my pseudo-partner along but I cannot break it off even though outside of the bedroom it's a bore. 3. I feel so lost inside and out, I have distanced myself from my friends and I don't have that wall to bounce ideas off of or shoulder to cry on(metaphorically). 4. I feel like I cannot turn off my brain, I'm constantly thinking nothing but negativity it never stops... I go from one negative twist on whatever subject has my attention to the next. 5. I have this giant knot in my chest that feels like angst, I want to scream out but I don't have enough air in my lungs to get to the cathartic part of it... I'll toss more up later I need a smoke... I know this sounds bitchy but I need to bounce my head off something thanks for reading.
Think of it this way everyone needs to have a whinge every so often, otherwise I think we would all go crazy. I don't know if you have been a college student before, but just think of it in terms of the experiences you will have as well as all the knowledge you will gain. I know that I've enjoyed almost every minute of going to Uni and I wouldn't trade it for anthing. Of course it will be a big change but they say that all change is good. I'm sure that you will reconnect with your friends again, it might juts take some time, and until then you have all of us at EC that you can bounce ideas off and we all have shoulders that you can cry on. I think that everyone at some time or another goes through a phase where they can't think of the positives and can only think of the negatives, again it will just take some time. I know you probably weren't really looking for advice or support but I hoped that I helped even if only in a small way.
You're not alone, I frequently have negative thoughts and cant seem to stop them. I'v found recently this year that It's really easy to trick yourself into positive thoughts. If you put a smile on and start trying to ignore those negative thoughts (though trust me, I know it's really hard) it gets easier to ignore them after you've started. Have faith in yourself and you'll be able to overcome the negativity and it will help you be happier all around. Don't worry about where you'll end up after college or what you'll do. That's what college is for, figuring out what you want! My brother went to his freshman year of college not knowing what he wanted, now he's in his senior year, having loved his college experience, and going into the music industry which is nowhere near what he thought he'd be doing when he was in high school. And If you feel like you cant connnect with the person you're having sex with, maybe you shouldnt be with them. Maybe it's not you that's the problem, maybe it's the relationship. You two might not be meant to be together if you dont enjoy eachother's company outside of sex... That might be hard to hear but it has to be said... I happen to find someone online (on stickam, it was a sad part of my life lol) who I was lucky enough to go thorugh the coming out process with. (he couldnt even admit to me that he was gay despite the sexual things we have said to one another.) So maybe trying to find someone online you can talk to is a good idea for you too. The benefit is you can say anything and know that they wont really judge you and the worst that could happen is he stops chatting with you or something. I can share things with my online friend that I probably wouldnt share with anyone else and He can do the same with me. Well that's just my thoughts anyways, Our problems seem pretty similar here. If you want ot talk about it just send me a message here!
I'm sorry that you're feeling so down (*hug*) About your friends, why do you think you've distanced yourself from them? Is it because you're going to be going off to college? If you're still on good terms, try to hook back up with them. Having companions helps a lot with all areas of life, and it may help with some of your other stresses. I hope you can start feeling a little more up soon (*hug*)
First of all, it's good to make a list of the things that bother you, like you just did. Making a list helps to break problems down to manageable components, instead of having it all come at you like a tidal wave of angst. I think that if I were you, the item I would try to deal with first would be nr.3 It's important to have a real-life suport network to bounce ideas off. While online people like the ones on EC can help you to sort your thoughts, give support and advice, and just be fun to hang around, it's not the same as real-life friends. And the communication with real-life friends is often a great deal more instantaneous than it is when posting online. A mind, like a computer, needs new input. If your only input is the previous output, it tends to get buggy and crash (metaphorically. Neurobiologists and IT experts are free to come in and tell me how sucky this metaphor is :lol. Friends are ideal to give that new input. this should ideally help you in overcoming points 4 and 5. Why did you distance yourself from your friends? Is it possible to just get into contact with them again? As for point 1: it's a matter of faith, I think. you thought this through. You didn't like your previous career. Changing is always daunting, but being a student has been done by thousands of people before, many of them with a lot less experience than you already have. So you can do it! No student ever knows exactly where he/she will end up, but in the end, they usually all end up allright. You just have to have faith that you have what it takes! As for point 2: I think that if you're having problems with this, it's best to stop doing it. No matter how good the sex is, it's not worth it if it leads to angst and boredom outside the bedroom (you spend way more time outside bed than inside, after all). It's probably best to just call it a day and find someone else who you also connect with outside the physical realm. That can also help in dealing with a lot of the negativity. Phew. Once more, I intend to make it short, and end up with an essay... I hope it helps somewhat, though! (*hug*)
you sound just like me except for a few tweeks here and there, i am a bean counting college student, i had a two year relationship thar recently ended and a month later he is in love with a guy on the internet, so trust me your not alone
So it's been a few days sine my original post and like all things time has taken it's toll this time for the somewhat better. 1. Still scared/anxious not much is gonna change there. 1.A Same as above. 2. We talked it over and have decided to slow our roll in the bedroom a bit and start doing more stuff together. We went out night after I posted this with some of his friends and it was the best experience I'd had in a good while. 3. The whole distancing myself from my friends thing is still the same situation, but I need to clarify a bit. I have multiple lives at the moment. My well mannered boring army soldier life, and my true-natured homosexual life. I have Army friends(which I have had for years) and I'm not building my "Out" friends. I have distanced myself from all my good old relationships save for a select few that know I'm gay because right now isn't the time to tell them for their sake and for my own. I don't have new friends that I'm on the level with that I can discuss my emotions/feelings/thoughts/etc. with. I have friends back home that I confide in but they're on the other side of the country since I'm from California but live in Georgia. Of my Army friends that know I'm gay they're all out of town for the holidays/wedding/etc. at the moment so my entire support structure is just unavailable right now. 4. I have been sick as hell lately. I pulled some muscles in my neck and have been having bad muscle spasms coupled with what I think is the flu that is beginning to plague me I've been so hopped up on Rx drugs lately that my mind cannot focus on anything let alone the negative ha ha. 5. See #4 I'm high as a kite most of the time so I really don't care right now. Thanks for the input to those that have spoken up I'm the kinda of person that just likes to send it and see what comes back then use that to make a decision be it good or bad. I just like to bounce my mind against others so thanks for that.
Everyone is scared and anxious about change and it will disappear once the change has happened so nothing to really stress about there since as you implied there isn''t anthing you can do about it. In terms of your relationship its great that you could just hang out and have a really good time. I hope that you are feeling better soon.
